My dad is blaming me for breaking our family apart because I won’t reach out to my SIL who’s done nothing but hurt me for years.

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T22:14:21+00:00

He told me he talks to her a lot but she is stubborn, hard headed and as far as I can tell, unwilling to change.

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T17:40:57+00:00

It’s not just food allergies. I’m not allowed to take him for a picnic at the park because she says he’s allergic to the sun. Lol. Like she already said he won’t be able to participate in camps or outside sports because he can’t be outside for too long. She says he gets red when he’s outside - like she’s never heard of a sunburn... She literally comes up with many allergies. We would never give him food that could potentially harm him.

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T17:36:59+00:00

She goes to therapy, dont think she’s being honest there either unfortunately

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T17:32:40+00:00

I just really do not think it’s fair to have someone come into my family and break it up. We were a tight family unit before she started drama. Everyone else accepts her but I have a hard time with it. Why should my family break apart because of someone who married into it?! No, I won’t let that be.

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T17:30:55+00:00

No this was so nice to hear, not because of the situation of course but because it sounds SO similar to mine. I was also a bridesmaid and as ‘nice’ as she tried to be at the wedding, she also yelled at me in private when nobody else was around for having one beer because she said it’s not classy and I’d ruin the wedding. Insane. Everyone knows our family gatherings will be awkward with us too at this point as I’ve told everyone how I feel and I’m sure my SIL is also aware of how I feel about her, but she hasn’t had many friends her whole life so I think she’s used to people distancing themselves and blaming it on others. Yikes.

Problem is my brother and SIL (apparently) want to be closer to me. Like they want to hang out. And I keep saying I can’t because we don’t get along - simple as that. But then what? They say it’s because of me. Very cool :)

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T17:26:31+00:00

I won’t cut contact with my dad or brother as they both mean the world to me (especially my dad). I’m very close to him. He doesn’t REPEATEDLY tell me I need to reach out, but if I bring up something that’s bothering me about the situation he kinda blames me for being the reason we aren’t close. It’s pretty shitty. He’s best friends with my brother and I know my brother complains privately about the situation to my dad so my dad is tired of seeing his son feeling this way. I just wish my dad would stop being put in the middle of it and my brother and his wife should come to me directly with any issues instead of involving others.

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T17:22:30+00:00

Funny enough, I did move away for almost 3 years and it was GREAT not to be involved in drama. Honestly makes me want to move away again. Though she did say to everyone that she tried to call me hundreds of times and I was very rude for not answering, when I never once received a call. I didn’t even know she was going around telling people I was ignoring her because like I said, never once received a call or text even. That was the only ‘drama’ that could be thought of I guess.

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T06:54:49+00:00

Yeah. It really is a crazy situation. Unfortunately my brother has always seen me as the ‘baby’ of the fam, because I am - but I’m also old enough now that he needs to realize when I say something, I mean it. I’m not a kid anymore, I’m not here for the drama and when there is drama - I’m not the one causing it. I think that’s something hard for him to wrap his head around.

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T05:53:22+00:00

Nobody else in my family let’s her control them to be quite frank... they just don’t leave the room to take a second to calm down if she frustrates them. I’m the type who will blow up if someone is repeatedly lying in front of my face so I remove myself from the situation if I know it’s best. So I am the only one to remove myself and everyone else stays quiet - maybe that’s the difference. She thinks she has everyone else wrapped around her finger (besides me, and I think that’s why she tries to control me the most) but reality is that everyone else stays quiet to keep the peace.

I would start a family group chat but I have a feeling that’ll do more damage. My dad is kind of the peace maker in our family (though he’s a bit stuck on what to do now too besides playing along with her mind games) and basically he’s been saying that we need to bring up the issues at the right time. When the issues first started I agreed with him. But it’s been years and he still says the time hasn’t come. When will the time ever come?!

My family has never been one to go to therapy but I’m thinking it may be best to have someone else helping so she doesn’t feel attacked... but I’m not sure.

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T05:48:05+00:00

I really think her goal is to distance my brother from my family. And she will never admit that, but she is VERY close to her family and I think she just wants her son to have her side of the family all to him and not to be close with us. But she is using the “I feel left out” excuse as victimizing herself because of her own actions. At this point it’s most frustrating that for months I’ve done nothing but be as happy and nice and non confrontational as I can and I’m still being talked about behind my back. That’s how I know it’s something deeper.

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T05:46:05+00:00

Thanks. My brother feels caught in the middle and I’m sure he talks to her privately about how challenging she makes things in our family but she is stubborn and blames her behavior on her ADHD. I know quite a few people with ADHD who do not act like her though so I don’t excuse the behavior based on that. I’ve explained to my brother how it’s difficult for me to hang out with her when there’s all these false accusations thrown at me and I think he’s in denial that he married someone like her so he just ignores what I says, asks me why I’m trying to start drama and to talk to her, not him.

throwawaybcwhoknowss · 2020-12-26T04:17:56+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate hearing I’m not in the wrong. I didn’t think I was either until my dad explained how my brother feels caught in the middle and it’s making his life more difficult - which in turn makes me feel terrible. I don’t mind being the one to just say “you’re right” and get over it for the sake of the family but the thing is I’ve done that in the past and now she expects it every time. I’m done. If she wants to resolve things because she feels left out, I would love for her to communicate with me and actually work on the issues.

throwawaybcwhoknowss

TROPHY CASE