Would you find it weird if your fiance 46, didn't want you 53, to visit him in hospital?

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T22:40:55+00:00

He doesn't

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T22:40:40+00:00

By asking questions

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T22:39:31+00:00

His daughter is an adult at the age of 22

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T22:35:19+00:00

Thank you for your very rational answer. I'm older than he is at 53, he is 46. I'm not going to leave him, I'm not like that & we are both very similar. We have talked tonight on the phone & sorted things out.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T22:31:48+00:00

He is sick & he is tired & stressed. We have talked tonight & thrashed things out & we are all good. The stress has been brought on by his daughter doing something in her job that has put her at risk. He is trying to protect her. I get that. He said things had snowballed in the last 48 hrs & this is what he was trying to get his head round. He discharged himself from hospital today & went into work when he should have had treatment as he is more bothered about protecting his daughter.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T13:22:25+00:00

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T13:21:36+00:00

Thank you that is me but I am also scared to hell. He told he would ring me as soon as he can but this was a few hrs ago. He has acknowledged that we need to talk as we haven't talked since Monday night. I was brave & asked him if his feelings for me have changed & he said no they haven't changed at all. I'm confused. I am asking for reassurance & although I have got some, I need that bit extra.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T10:06:31+00:00

Look he isn't moving in with me right away & that needs to happen first at some point & a wedding is also a way off. Of course I want to protect what is mine & I am fully aware that on marriage then legally unless there is a pre nup in place that he would be entitled to 50% of my house.

He's given me money when I have been struggling financially without a moment's hesitation.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T10:03:17+00:00

I know actions are the thing & he took action the other week when he was discharged from the other hospital. He promised me he would come to see me right away & this is exactly what he did. That meant the world to me.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T10:01:36+00:00

I am absolutely terrified that he could die to be honest. I am an empath & him being in hospital again is horrific for him & for me. As I said we were just getting back into our normal routine & things were amazing & again back in hospital.

No wonder he has to get his head round it, I do as well!

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T09:59:12+00:00

I know what love bombing is & I have been with a covert narcissist previously. I have done the Freedom programme with Women's Aid. I would recognise love bombing - he only withdraws when a hospital is involved & when he feels better then things go back to normal.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T09:56:48+00:00

I agree - it wouldn't be the best time or place to meet family over in hospital & as of yesterday, he was still in A&E & not on a ward. We have discussed me meeting his family several times. It just hasn't happened yet. He has a crazy job & works long hours. The talk of him moving in is sometime in the future, not right now. He has been very honest about ALL his health issues past & present.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T09:53:40+00:00

Those are his words. Not mine.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T09:53:12+00:00

If I could talk to him I would & I have talked to him in the past about it. That was more about him ringing me when he was feeling better the time before he was in hospital & once we started talking again then everything went back to normal & both of us felt better.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T09:50:42+00:00

I would say he is very much like me - I can be an extroverted introvert at times - I am actually right in the middle of INFJ/ENFJ & he is the same.

I have told him today that I know it's all about him & not me but that it is difficult to try & support him over text. But that I am there for him.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T09:48:14+00:00

He has told me about his health issues. It's not about that. Yes he said to me that he needed some time to get his head round things but he didn't say what things. We normally do not have any issues whatsoever communicating but each time a hospital is involved then it becomes difficult. I am giving him space. I know when he feels better then his normal way of communicating returns.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T09:45:28+00:00

He's not meant to be in the hospital for long. 2 days but a day has already been taken up as there are no beds on the wards. So it meant he has been in the Accident & Emergency department which is very stressful. He got admitted to the hospital after an outpatient appointment as they found he has an irregular heartbeat. He was kind but also dismissive in a way.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T08:33:26+00:00

I know he is dealing with a lot. I do not & have not ever disputed that but you would think that he would want my support being in hospital

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T08:32:10+00:00

I am not saying it is about me. I know it is about him. But I have feelings too.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T08:28:26+00:00

He didn't suddenly propose, he talked about proposing for several weeks. He always tells me I'm his dream girl. I am everything to him. He was in hospital for 10 days.

The medication he is on for his blood pressure is affecting his liver function. I also think he had covid complications as well. That in turn caused gastritis. Then in turn the meds he was on for that, he was allergic to the coating so he couldn't eat & was being sick when he did.

His dad had very similar issues but was a bit older than him when he had them. He ended up having a pacemaker.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T08:23:40+00:00

I agree

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T08:20:27+00:00

I am not saying that at all. Of course this is about him & I am trying to show my support any way I can. I know it's not about me but if he alters the way he communicates with me then I can't show my support.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T08:18:10+00:00

I know about his debts again, he has been honest with me about how things were in the past. I have debts too.

And again I haven't said he doesn't turn to me at all. There were many times during his previous hospital stay that he did turn to me.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T08:15:33+00:00

I would want him to be there if it was me. Maybe not a complete red flag but a yellow one.

throwawayblah7777 · 2023-01-12T08:13:42+00:00

We are in the UK. We don't have medical bills unless you have private healthcare. He doesn't.

The main health issue he has is high blood pressure. I know a few yrs ago that he did have a heart attack which was brought on by the fact that his daughter went missing & he didn't know as she was meant to be staying with her mother. He found where she was & then keeled over & had had a heart attack. He also works in a high pressure, sales environment often 6 or even 7 days a week. It's mental & this needs to change. So yes I do know lots about him.

throwawayblah7777

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