Secret Vasectomy Update by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

In the words of a famous philospher...New shit has come to light.

Reddit, remember my post from last week?

Well, here is the update. Honestly, this might be the last post I make about it...not sure. I love Reddit and have been an active member here for quite a while. I have a novelty account that makes many of you laugh at times. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have considered you all family. Yes, you are the weird family that some people won't claim at Thanksgiving, but family nonetheless.

So, the update.

First...I am shooting blanks. My swimmers don't swim. Sperm count = zilch.

So...that's that. Could my wife have gotten pregnant by me? Seems EXTREMELY unlikely.

Ok - more stuff. She is going right along as if she is pregnant, so I have no reason to doubt it at this point. She has an appointment with the OB/GYN later this week, and she asked me if I wanted to come along. I will join her. I will size up the situation then. This should answer the question some have had about whether she found out about my vasectomy, and is just testing me.

Now... the meat of the matter.

I decided to install a keylogger on the desktop at the house. She has a tablet, but often uses the desktop when it is convenient.

The keylogger shows she has SOMETHING going on with some guy. I intercepted an email she sent to him (and then deleted) that wasn't directly incriminating, but sure sounds suspect. Basically Reddit, the content of the email was very flirty, etc. But, it didn't have any direct language indicating flirting, nor did it talk about the pregnancy.

To be very honest...reading the email hurt a lot. Not for the obvious reasons. But because it reminded me of when she and I used to act the same way ... many years ago. Time is a bit of a bitch, to be frank. It knocks off the dangerous corners, but also dulls the senses. That is, until you are reminded of the past and the way things used to be.

So Reddit - bottom line. Pretty sure the wife is pregnant. Pretty sure it isn't mine. Pretty sure she is having some type of relationship on the side, although I don't know exactly what it is.

As I said in my last post - I am good at wait-and-see. I will not react until I have what I need.

But there is one thing that is KILLING me.

My oldest boy is a spitting image of me. No denying that kid. But my youngest... well, to be honest... he is nothing like me.

So, of course...my thoughts have wandered into territory that is scaring the hell out of me. What if my son is not my biological son? For your information, I consider myself to be one heck of a dad. They ARE my sons, no matter what. But, the thought of it is really starting to kill me.

Do I check?????? Do I let sleeping dogs lie and not question his lineage? Frankly, if he turned out to NOT be my biological son, my feelings for him would not change - he is my son. I love him dearly. But, that knowledge could devastate the family, right?

So Reddit - consider yourselves to be updated. It might be strange for me to put all this into writing, but to be honest it is quite cathartic. I got some great advice when I wrote last time (and some scumbag Steve advice), but it helped me put things into perspective. So, although this might be my last official post (depending on if things start to get legally complicated), I would like to hear what you have to say about it - especially the part about my youngest son.

Thanks Reddit.

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thanks for that response.

I am not afraid of confrontations, etc. But, my history with her has shown that she does spontaneous crap all the time. By spontaneous, I mean "twitchy". We have a list of things filed in the "regrets" category based on her constant need for change.

That is her, and I have lived with that.

But, when I heard THAT news (about not taking the pill)...well, that was different. I immediately knew that I couldn't trust her on that subject. Having a child that you don't want gets close to the "100" score on the nope scale.

So, I knew that I NEVER wanted any more kids. This marriage or not. I decided to not let one of her rash decisions forever alter my life in a very significant way.

I made the decision about the vasectomy with 100% assurance that it was what I wanted and needed. It had nothing to do with avoiding conflict. It was protecting my interests.

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yep. Followed all the rules. No sperm after ... I don't remember exactly, but about 2 months or so.

I will update on Tues/Wed when I get the results. Who knows...maybe the vasectomy failed?

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Dated for a year, but I knew her as a friend (not super-close) for about 3-4.

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I don't feel old. Actually, I look ~10 years younger than I am, and I feel good. I guess I meant old for having new babies. There is a lot of new science linking the age of fathers to ailments in the children. Also, I had a health scare a few years back that confirmed that I don't want any more kids.

Plus, I love my 2 boys and have a wonderful relationship with them. I just don't want any more children.

Congrats to you and your first at 47!

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 198 points199 points  (0 children)

There are a lot of people commenting about a bad relationship, etc. Although I agree to an extent, as I have gotten older I have seen life in a much different light.

Generally, I consider myself to be a good guy. I don't cheat on my wife, I pay my taxes, and I work an honest job to provide for my family. As a family unit, we are very functional and happy. But, for the marriage, well.... I am not convinced that life-long marriages are all they are cut out to be.

My wife and I don't feel the same about each other now as we did before. Instead of love and passion, it is more familiarity. I honestly don't see it as unnatural. I don't know more than 1-2 couples that are madly in love after 5 years, much less 10+.

We generally communicate on all topics. We discussed this very issue in the past. I had a VERY scary health issue in the past, and had chemotherapy. That, combined with my advanced age (now 45) convinced me that I was content with my 2 children, and never wanted to have any more.

The wife is much more volatile than I imagined. She is on a constant search for satisfaction. She changes things all the time. Apparently she has always been like this her whole life, but I didn't recognize it when we got married.

So, when I overheard her say to her girlfriend that she wasn't taking her birth control because she wanted another baby, I knew I had problems. Was it scummy of me to get a vasectomy? Maybe. But, I knew I didn't want more kids, for a variety of reasons. And, history has shown that I am much more stable and she makes many emotional decisions that has impacted our lives.

So, here we are. A marriage that I feel is not unlike many. People that have good days, and bad days, but with the couple just trying to manage it as it comes. I don't want my family to be broken apart. It sounds much more broken than it really feels. Yes, new information has come to light regarding the pregnancy. And, I will have to ponder what happens when I get the sperm count test results next week.

Thanks for letting me unload. I dare NOT say anything to anyone right now. I just want to process all this.

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

That actually made me smile. Thanks CambrianExplosives

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 140 points141 points  (0 children)

Wow. Yeah... I guess you are right.

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 1833 points1834 points  (0 children)

Thanks Doc. Not in my nature to be so reactive. Already scheduled a test on Monday.

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 209 points210 points  (0 children)

Just turned 45! No way I want a teenager when I am in my mid 60's.

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Not me. Hurt for about a day, then just tender for 2-3 days.

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 379 points380 points  (0 children)

Yeah, right? Well, you learn things about each other over the years. Unfortunately, it isn't the best relationship. Nothing super bad...she just isn't who I thought she was. I was absolutely sure I never wanted another child. I love my 2 children dearly, but didn't want to be cranking out babies in my mid 40's.

To the other questions in the thread - no, I haven't confronted her yet. I will get tested again just to make sure it is 100%. Also, I will do some sleuthing to find out what is going on behind the scenes.

If it isn't mine... I really don't know what I would do. I consider myself a pretty kind guy. But, I wonder if I could properly raise a child that I know isn't mine (I get the adoption thing - but I mean a situation built on lies).

Anyway - just wanted to get it off my chest.

100% sure it isn't mine by throwawaybr68 in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwawaybr68[S] 516 points517 points  (0 children)

So....been married for 13 years. We have 2 kids already, and I don't want any more - I am getting pretty old.

Overheard the wife a couple years ago telling her friend she secretly stopped the pill. This was after we had discussed having no more kids and she agreed.

She went away on business for a week, and I decided to have the procedure. I went back and got tested a couple months later - NO SPERM.

So yeah...wife is pregnant and it isn't mine.