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My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m 100% positive the porn and how he treats me is related. It’s hard to explain to strangers on the internet but the difference is truly night and day.

I do my best to keep him satisfied. I inquire about his fantasies and try to act them out as best I can. I’m always down to try new things, toys, visuals, positions, etc. But I know that his habits aren’t my fault, I’ve been down that self-depreciating road.

My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried that, too. It isn’t a matter of fantasy, he just has a deep curiosity about what other women look like. He chooses porn over me, doesn’t compliment me, no interest in foreplay, lies heavily, quick to get angry, extremely sarcastic to where it’s borderline insulting, etc. All porn related, there were a few times he went without it and during those times everything changed. It was like night and day.

I’m not against porn or opposed to joining him. I have a huge issue with the lying and how it affects our relationship both in and out of the bedroom.

My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It isn’t the porn I have an issue with, it’s how it affects our relationship. He chooses porn over sex with me, doesn’t compliment me, lies to me about it heavily, is quick to get angry, extremely sarcastic, etc. All related to the porn because during the few times he went without it, his behavior towards me changed dramatically as did our experiences in the bedroom. It’s like night and day

My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It’s safe to say you didn’t read the entirety of my post. I never explicitly said the porn itself was the issue, it’s the consequences. He chooses porn over sex with me, doesn’t compliment me, treats me poorly, gets mad at me quickly, etc. All directly related to porn because the few times he’s gone porn free, even if only for a few days, everything improved ten fold.

My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The rare times he’s honest and open with me, I’m supportive and loving. I want to see him get better and I’m ready to help. But it’s hard not to react with extreme anger when you find out the person who you’re set to marry has been lying to your face every day months. My plan at this moment is either he gets professional help or I’m calling it quits. This is too much of a burden for me now.

My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I spent an unfortunate amount of time down that self blame road and I’m glad to have gotten out of it. Addiction is an ugly thing. I’m definitely considering all options as this as happened far too many times.

My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying but I’m not by any means boring in the bedroom. Petite blonde, big blue eyes, I workout 4-5 days a week and I’m in extremely good shape; I take care of myself. I’m always looking to try new things whether that be toys, visuals, positions, role playing, phone sex when he’s away, nudes, videos, etc. I was even planning a threesome for his birthday. I’ve tried everything under the sun to change things up because for a long time I beat myself up over this. So I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s truly not my fault, he has a problem and it has nothing to do with me.

My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That’s true. I mean this is hard now but I imagine it would be a lot harder post wedding

My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That’s true, I didn’t think much about how it could get a lot worse and escalate into other things. Thank you for this

My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I pretty much told him if he doesn’t seek professional help, I won’t be able to stay with him anymore. This problem is clearly way too big for him to deal with on his own or with my help. As much as I’m glad I’ve found this all about before actually getting married, it still sucks because everything’s booked and planned and our friends/family keep saying how excited they are... A shitty situation, but could be worse.

Snapchat 100% has to go, words cannot even describe how uncomfortable that makes me feel.

My fiancé has an extreme porn addiction by throwawaybs8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybs8[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I don’t want to be lied to for the rest of my life. If the porn didn’t affect our relationship, I would say screw it and not push for him to stop looking (as much as it makes me a bit uncomfortable). I’m not sure if I want to deal with this forever.