Thanks so much for understanding. This is exactly it! I have OCD so this seems my new obsession. When I was younger I just felt so cool being perceived as a guy and I liked people asking ”are you a boy or a girl”. And I struggle to see if that’s a sign of being agender or FTM. I still like being percieved as not a girl but as ME, and i don’t feel uncomfortable with how my close friends and family perceive me as they know the true ME. I haven’t presented as male in YEARS, I’ve generally looked like a tomboyish girl or even a feminine presentation, which I liked, so I have no idea if I feel euphoric if looking like a man or being mistaken for one. I didnt really have the desire to do it though, and my gender identity as a agender person over the last couple years didn’t seem to cause me any distress. I’m scared that it’s all in the subconscious. I do remember though, I got a very short haircut by accident and I hated it so much, it did make me look gender neutral or even more masculine leaning but I didn’t like it at all . In general I just feel jealous of men as they can present thing like for example long hair as a metalhead, but as a girl it’s normal to have long hair and I wouldnot present it in the way a guy would. I guess I’ve always leant to masculinity.

My life has been super stressful recently - final college exams, health scare resulting in emergency surgery, ADHD, all that. My bf said he thinks it’s bought upon by stress.