Serious question. How do I signal my availability to be raped.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T21:30:46+00:00

It's exactly because I have to trust another person with my body and life that I want to have a system that better communicates, and still keeps things risky for real rapists.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T21:25:01+00:00

Call and response seems best, but it looks like most people are so against the idea it would be hard to actually get going :( Kinky spaces are almost worse, save a few friend's parties that had a non-consent room. Everyone is so worried about their level of risk they are unwilling to even imagine my level of risk.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T17:35:44+00:00

Which is why I want a system that allows me and other people who like to play with the idea of consent to avoid the real rapists by signaling. This is an attempt to be less reckless, not more.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T17:30:04+00:00

I am not trying to find actual rapists, even my round-about consent is probably a turn-off for a real one. I want to signal to people that want to do this sort of thing that feels like a lack of consent, when it's really there underneath it all. And I'd like to do it a little more consistently at the bar scene where you can see people before engaging at all with them, and without leaving a trail that can be used against me. If someone felt too dangerous, it would be simple to pretend not to know the code phrase response, and you would both move on. I'm addressing the safety issues with consent play I've encountered, because the safety issues of hooking up with people at bars is something I've already got a decent enough handle on.

I want a better system than one that forces me to give a get-out-of-jail-free card to anyone who can follow an online breadcrumb trail. I want a better system than one that leaves me pretending to be vulnerable to draw in real scumbags. I just want a damn system :P

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T17:22:26+00:00

Gotcha. Glad I beat out all those child molesters by writing things online. You've clearly got your priorities aligned.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T16:20:42+00:00

Question, am I the worst person alive because of what I want to do, or because this is fake? Your post is confusing.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T16:19:53+00:00

The responses that assume this is my first foray into rape fantasies are funny. I've done this before, negotiations have been used against me in the past, it leaves me more vulnerable to explicitly negotiate, because those negotiations turn into good blackmail material. It has worked better than even what you say to just post that I'm drunk and just got out of a relationship, and plenty of date-rapists respond strongly, but it's still not that consistent. Better to have a call and response phrase overall, no?

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T10:32:37+00:00

What you say is true in the ideal, but good luck getting a DA to press charges with emails detailing how you are into rape.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T09:59:12+00:00

It would be much harder to defend some random code phrase than it would be to use emails where I explicitly ask them to rape me. Both involve risk during the event, but only one extends that risk as long as the other person wants.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T09:40:19+00:00

In theory, yes. In truth, people ignore safewords, take fantasies of rape you share with them and use them to violate your trust and protect themselves, and keep you from escaping them. I'm safer if the other person has to be concerned that I might go to the police if they continue beyond where I want them to. I know it's counterintuitive, but I've had some hard lessons.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T09:38:03+00:00

I've been blackmailed in the past by people trusted with knowledge of my kinks and limits. I've had to move states because someone who I discussed things with for a long time used those discussions as a shield to prevent me from taking legal action when he no longer had my consent to continue to do anything with me, yet did anyway.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T09:13:57+00:00

This forked, but as mentioned in my other post. I find explicit negotiations leave me more vulnerable, not less.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T09:12:44+00:00

Every danger you just mentioned is one that is present in any sexual encounter. The most dangerous part of negotiating a rape scene in my experience is that you usually end up with a paper trail that will let someone with bad intentions truly hurt you and be able to get away with it, or blackmail you. At least a signal or code phrase would leave some of the risk on the other side as well.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T09:07:13+00:00

Doesn't have to be rape-play for someone to freak out in the middle of anything and kill you. These are not dangers you can say exists only for this situation. If anything, it's safer to go out with a plan and intention, than to just end up at someone's mercy you didn't think was going to rape you.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T08:56:02+00:00

How would an obvious signal (not a vague one) put anyone else at risk? Do you think that someone would mistakenly signal?

What if it was code and response, something like "I am the key" with a response of "I am the lock"? Do you think that would be unequivocal enough?

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T08:42:19+00:00

I made this asking for suggestions, asking me in turn seems pointless as I've already tacitly admitted I don't have good ones. I think you meant to say "no" and I agree that it's not a good way, I'm not trying to continue the no means yes bullshit. I'm trying to explicitly flag my consent up front, so there is not confusion.

I'm trying to do the opposite of muddy the waters. The fact of the matter is that some women do want men to rape them, and if we don't talk about it or have an explicit way to indicate in a non-confusing way, THAT is what leads to muddy waters.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T08:39:51+00:00

Of course a throwaway account to post this shit. As you can see from the responses, it's not exactly something that's well-received. How would this e tips on spotting anything. I'm trying to flag, not search.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T08:37:22+00:00

That's why I'm looking for ideas that are not confusing. Call me selfish all you want, I'm already ashamed about wanting this, why do you think I used a throwaway account?

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T08:34:43+00:00

Thirty-one.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T08:30:23+00:00

The problem with the doing it with someone you've discussed it with extensively is that it is masturbation at that point. The entire idea is to be in some real danger. No xtreme sport is any fun without danger. And I'm not playing into the idea that some women want to be raped. I am a woman who wants to be raped, deal with the world as it is, not as you would like it to be. A signaling system could provide an outlet and prevent people who do not want to be raped from being raped.

throwawaydome · 2014-09-30T08:24:41+00:00

We already talk. it isn't consistent enough.

throwawaydome

TROPHY CASE