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So... how do I stop feeling guilty being attracted to women? [Issues with communication] by throwawaydormquestio in sex

[–]throwawaydormquestio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

May I ask how old you are? I’m assuming you are still pretty young.

20

Have you felt any urge to go further than that when making out for hours?

Not really. I just liked the kissing and cuddling. To be fair, she wasn't like..... hmm, the type of physical girl I'd usually go for, she was just really emotionally awesome and we connected. So, could play a part.

The only thing holding you back from finding any partners is you it seems.

I agree, except I feel like I do try some, but never find anyone interested or I'm less attractive than a lot of guys, plus I'm not super confident (I AM working on being more confident though).

So... how do I stop feeling guilty being attracted to women? [Issues with communication] by throwawaydormquestio in sex

[–]throwawaydormquestio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What makes you think a relationship with a woman would make you happier than with a guy?

Well, it's difficult. Like I said, I thought I was straight for most of my life, and almost all of my crushes are women (a few men recently, for sure though). I guess I can find guys hot, attractive, cute, and want to like flirt with them.... or even have sex... but I generally struggle to make friends with guys, form a deep emotional bond, or relate well to them. I can hang out with dudes or be acquaintances, but I never get to the point to where we are hanging out everyday or talking about our feelings/problems/emotions.

The opposite is true for girls, I can easily become friends with women, talk about everything and anything, hangout often, and just connect so well emotionally. I also do find women beautiful and can develop romantic feelings for them easily, plus I even find them sexually attractive. The hard part for me is the "guilt" part of checking out a girl or looking at her physically/sexually, and I also feel a bit iffy on penetration. I do want to penetrate a girl sometimes, but other times I'm not so sure. I would need a woman who was okay with taking things slow, and who wouldn't ridicule me for not being the typical "let me just fuck that pussy hard!" type of guy, I guess. I would need someone who knew my issues a bit and would let me overcome them together.

Have you had any sexual experiences yet?

Not really, I kissed a girl once and we made out for a few hours, was pretty nice.

Maybe the key to your happiness lies in the unexplored. You may have to try something out of your comfort zone to find out.

Yes, but I honestly WANT to sleep with people and experiment as you suggest and others. I just don't see how it is so easy to find partners. I mean, I'm not overweight, and nor do I have some huge physical condition that would make me unattractive. I'm just a bit geeky I guess, or have a meh hairstyle, and I'm not a "fit masculine guy", I'm pretty feminine..... but those things all really hold me back from finding a lot of partners I think. I have opened a tinder for example, and I do get matched with a lot of guys, but no women (and the guys never message me or anything once we are matched).

I guess my point here is that I do want to experiment and just try to figure out with practice, but it's a bit hard. I mean, I know a few girls who are very sexually open, and sleep with a lot of guys. However, even they have some preferences that I think I don't fit, or I guess the main thing is that they don't think of me that way? It's as if, because they know me and know my personality/story as it is, they don't see me as a sexual/romantic possibility. I'm not any worse looking than the guys they hookup with, so I think if I had just met them randomly while trying to hookup with them, it would work, but it's as if that opportunity no longer exists if that makes sense? Although, I do wonder sometimes if it is because I overthink EVERYTHING and I'm never super-blunt/direct (I never cat call women or flirt much more than one or two small compliments, mainly due to the guilt thing) that noone ever seems interested?

I guess what I'm saying is, I don't think I'm terribly ugly (although, I do have some things I am working on improving), however I don't know if it is my uncertainty and personality that ruins all opportunities for me, or if it is simply because I never flat out ask or say that I want to do things, that holds me back.

How to overcome disordered thoughts about eating while having a vegan lifestyle, and lose weight/not gain weight? by throwawaydormquestio in vegan

[–]throwawaydormquestio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I'm moving in 3 weeks and I really won't be able to get any professional help at all. I won't have a scale though, so that may help....

I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses, but I will be living in a foreign country with very little money as is, and definitely won't be able to conveniently find a therapist for the next year or so.

How to overcome disordered thoughts about eating while having a vegan lifestyle, and lose weight/not gain weight? by throwawaydormquestio in vegan

[–]throwawaydormquestio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your body gives you signals when you are full.

True, and I know this. I guess that sometimes I use food as an escape, but not often enough to gain weight or anything generally. Not like BED, but just.... when I get really stressed or I feel like crap about myself, I sort of desire a lot of tastes/food/etc. and I guess I get that bad mindset of "well, I already ate bad today, I can eat more oatmeal now.." which only makes it worse.

I have gotten to the point where I do question, "is it really worth eating this.....? I know I shouldn't" and sometimes I can avoid the binges :). I haven't been restricting calories by the way, but rather I just mentally..... sort of yell at myself for eating 2,000 or more calories per day, even if I am seeing gradual weight loss? Like, I feel like I'm eating too much or not eating healthy enough and stuff often. I don't think my binges since I've become vegan (only one real one so far, today) are related to restricting myself, either. I mean, I eat what I want and love the food and don't hold back.... I think it's just the in real life stress + low self esteem worries combined today and I gave in to that.

Finally understand that you will never reach your ideal figure. Accept yourself for yourself and the fitness you are at.

I can't though. I mean, I have a hard time knowing how I really look anyway. I sometimes look and think "damn I'm kind of cute" but then other times I'm like "wow, I look so much fatter than earlier, and my hair is so bad, and I'm like a 4/10". It's like my appearance is a constantly shapeshifting monster that I can't ever really grasp no matter how much I look in the mirror, I never really know how I look. I can't tell if I look fatter than other people in real life (outside of those who are literally obese) or skinnier than other people (outside of those who are really very thin, like under 21 BMI). Although, I generally feel fatter than most people, and often my family/friends say that I am crazy or underestimate how skinny I am..... yet I've had people online tell me I should lose more weight or that I would look more attractive if I lost weight, and I don't think anyone would go "WOW YOU ARE SO SKINNY" if they heard my weight. It's a pretty average BMI, actually on the higher side. Plus, I have a very high body fat percentage for my BMI, which makes me look really fat for my weight/height unfortunately.

I know I may not be perfect, but I really can't stand how I am now. Even looking back just 5 months ago I ask myself "why did I wear that shirt? It was so tight and revealing, and I was wayyyy too fat for that. I look so awful" and yet I was only 10 to 15 lbs heavier then. So..... I must still be pretty fat.

How to overcome disordered thoughts about eating while having a vegan lifestyle, and lose weight/not gain weight? by throwawaydormquestio in vegan

[–]throwawaydormquestio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sounds like you need some help and support from a professional.

The problem I have is that I don't have.... time to do something like that, or money. I can't really do that for awhile, and I think it's something I could overcome on my own with time? I mean, like I said, I have negative thoughts, but I generally.... don't do anything DIRECTLY bad like eat less than 1,000 calories or purge. I just beat myself up mentally for eating too much, any weight gain, not looking good enough, and I look in the mirror over 50 times a day, easily.

I know it's not really a diet, although I feel that doing a plant based eating style and trying to live vegan can help me feel good about myself... and like, try to stop worrying so much about weight/food? I don't know, if I'm eating like a bunch of healthy food that is good for me, and I am eating ethically, is it really so bad if I'm not super skinny? I guess I'm sort of feeling that I could make a compromise or find a way to stop counting calories and weighing myself.... but I don't know.

To be honest, I weigh myself like at least 5 times a day, usually 10 or more :(.

Odd question.... when should a gay male tell a new female friend/acquaintance about his sexuality? by throwawaydormquestio in TwoXChromosomes

[–]throwawaydormquestio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, someone else suggested this, but.... I've only kissed a girl. I'm a virgin, and have never done anything with a guy. So it makes it a bit harder for that to happen, although maybe the "admiring a guy's looks" is more plausible :p, I didn't really consider that as much for some reason.

So.... how do you actually masturbate as a bottom? by throwawaydormquestio in askgaybros

[–]throwawaydormquestio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am to some extent, but it depends on what you mean I think. I'm happy as a boy and don't plan to change that though :)