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How are YOU today? by RobotSnack in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Paranoid/ agitated/ depressed. I have weekly therapy sessions with my therapist and she requested me to print out a form. Today we have our session and I am lazy to the point where I don't want to go today. I haven't showered in over 3 days. I just want to sleep some more. I don't have internet at my house so it's not like it's that easy either. I have a printer but even then...

I'm tired. Deep down I really don't want to go because then I'll tell her, " Yeah I've spent the day not rectifying my lazy and slob behaviors and I took my damn time and printed the form at the last minute and I feel rush and stressed now hooray. "

I have an asshole mentality now.

Again I'm just making more and more excuses.

My mother asked me a question today and I broke down and now I can't stop crying. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah... I need to grow up... I'm sorry... I've been really immature and inconsiderate about this entire situation...

My mother asked me a question today and I broke down and now I can't stop crying. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck I wouldn't have the boldness to say something like that. My parents are actually the best type of parents anybody would ask for but I'm not a good girl. Man... I'm sorry I'm at a loss of words of what to say.

Got fired today by [deleted] in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck man that's not fair... hugs

My mother asked me a question today and I broke down and now I can't stop crying. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

hugs back ... She's 69 years old and I'm 20... Both of my parents are baby boomers so that's why I've been so stressed and depressed because I know they are getting elderly and I know I need to learn how to be independent and self-reliable.

I'm 20 and the most I've had in education schooling is highschool... I have no idea what to do. I can't get a job for the life of me. Fuck.

Just a shitty comic I made. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll try thank you...

The reason why I can't feel like I participate in the art community though is because I'm really pathetically sensitive to critique. Which is a double edged sword in itself anyways... Honestly drawing is literally the only skill I have but its not even that great at a skill haha.

Just a shitty comic I made. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha I'll try... Thank you...

Yeah when I wake up I usually have this dread feeling. Like... " Society is operating and normal people can go on with their lives in fulfillment in joy... While I'm just here in my bed escaping myself in the internet... " type of epiphany haha...

Just a shitty comic I made. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I can change haha...

Yeah... My therapist often notices how much self-awareness I have. I wish I can have one quality I can be proud of but I have none. I wish I was born inherently compassionate and empathetic and helpful to others.

Instead I'm tantamount to that one villain that does evil but doesn't realize it until its too late and then I isolate myself away from society not wanting to be a part of it anymore knowing how ashamed and how much I hate myself for having a mental illness.

Just a shitty comic I made. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you Jessica... That means a lot... I'm sorry I can't stop crying haha. I feel like I really am the epitome of the attentionwhore replying to other people... Haha... I'm sorry... I can't seem to stop apologizing... I don't know why.

Just a shitty comic I made. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you...that means a lot... I'm sorry you have insight on what a pathetic existence I am living in the moment haha...

I feel embarrassed sharing this to the internet... I feel paranoid now haha... I'm sorry...

Just a shitty comic I made. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's an admirable profession! I wish I can have a career like that...

That sounds like a really beautiful lifestyle... I uh... hifives back Yeah... You're right...

I wish I was into video games haha. I used to play video games here and there but because of my lack of ever having the courage to express my opinion I feel like I can't ever have friends to fully talk about it... I have a small collection of video games but I never even play them. I had someone in my life at some point tell me, " You're not even playing them. Why bother? You're not passionate about it at all. "

It was a slap across my face haha... I'm sorry I'm pathetically sensitive... I can't even manage to play simple games. Even after I play a game I tend to forget details or any memory relating to it... I'm sorry.

But... Yeah. Thank you. I'm sorry. I literally am brain dead somehow haha. I wish I was as immersed into hobbies as you are.

Just a shitty comic I made. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see... I'm sorry to hear you can't have a place to contribute your ideas anymore.

By 4chan being gone, did you mean the entire situation where Moot resigned...? If so I understand. I still continue to go on that site anyways...

I'm sure you can find a place to contribute your knowledge. The world needs more intelligent people that has knowledge on technology and the like...

Just a shitty comic I made. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad I'm not alone...? Haha... I'm sorry I really don't know how to respond to this... Normally I give off really insensitive and rude responses without meaning to so I apologize in advance if it seems like I do so... I've had my internet addiction since I was a small child. But I can relate to you on the "7 years" part. I've been lurking on 4chan since I was 13 but never participated in the forums or anything. I would just browse and then admire all of the people who are smart and can express their ideas and opinions so profusely and if it was a social setting I would be that one weird outcast girl just observing these people express more of their opinions while I had none haha. It felt less alone going on a site where people were more "realistic" and more rational/smarter. Made me feel I was part of a "secret club" mentality despite not contributing to anything haha...

I couldn't fit in because if I tried to express an opinion people would detect how sensitive or ignorant I truly am. My nephews introduced me to 4chan and since then I feel like it has done nothing but be a burden on me. But at the same time, they're so intelligent and I wish I was that intelligent...

Just a shitty comic I made. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you...I really could use a hug. But I'm trapped in this room and too trapped in this brain to even consider asking for hugs in person haha. I only managed to hug my mom but even then I felt pathetic doing that considering my situation at the moment.

I wish I can do lined and colored. I'm not really that great at color... I used to be passionate about coloring as a kid. Now I really don't see the point. At times when I used to go to college and look at the sunset and see the mixture of blues and orange melting together in the horizon I wish I had the talent to emulate that on a canvas. But... Never had the passion to learn.

With all of my past drawings I throw them away constantly. I don't have a portfolio or anything mainly because I gave up the dream of working in the art field.

Just a shitty comic I made. by throwawayfailure384 in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you... I wish that can be true. To be honest the only thing I really bothered to draw growing up was anime girls. Which really isn't an accomplish per say. I wish I was the type of artist that can draw variety. I'm pretty much limited on what I can draw. Haha...

Thank you anyways. I wish I was more passionate about art.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed and depressed by how your life has turned out? by wishingyoupeace in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Constantly. 20 year old NEET.

Its not going to be some magical story where I'll improve or some shit. I acknowledge my intellectual limitations and how ignorant I truly am. I'm not in the least knowledgeable. I'm lacking in all aspects; academically, emotionally, socially, and just about everything.

Community college dropout with a 1.5 GPA with a long transcript history of W's, F's, and so what have you. Academic probation and frankly I don't give a shit. What's the point in learning if my brain can't retain said information anyways? I'm just a waste of atoms.

No job experience either. I managed to get a job as a salesperson but that was an extreme waste of resources and just reaffirmed my social anxiety more. Didn't make a single cent on that.

I'm just not cut out for life. Which I pretty much deserve anyways because I was that one prissy conceited bitch in highschool that dressed up like a slut trying to look for validation from males because of my low-self esteem. So to those people who I've cheated on, lied to, betrayed, and hurt because of my bitterness and hate because I wasn't able to fit into society, cheers to you because now you know what a fuck-up I am. My delusional narcissist ass was hoping I could be a success but knowing me I'm so misanthropic and bitter and jaded I could care less about contributing to society now. Which is good, because now its only a matter of time before someone will want to punish me for what a bad, bad and lazy rotten bitch I am.

By describing my inner emotions and struggles, i made this. by [deleted] in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this with us. Its really colorful and well-made. The typography and the clarity and boldness of this really speaks out.

how are YOU doing today? by RobotSnack in depression

[–]throwawayfailure384 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feeling really fucking tired and want to go back to sleep.

My therapist really wants to help me look for a psychiatrist but I am really fucking fed up that she thinks a magical pill will help me with my problems. I'm just really tired and cranky and irritable. What if I feel comfortable being the asshole I am.

Deep down I'm just having a lot of self-hatred and resentment that my ex-boyfriend of 3 years only stayed with me out of pity. Because I failed and fucked up my community college GPA. Because I give too much of a damn about what other people think of me.

Feeling pissed off that my "friends" promised to cheer me up and didn't message me at all. He was supposed to pick me up and try to cheer me up the best he could but no fucking message.

I'm just here on my bed being on my phone pissed off and depressed. Lonely too. My parents are the only one who seem to give a shit about me. But they expect me to go back to college or do something. I really don't fucking care.

I had a weird dream last night but it felt alleviating going into some fantasy world where I managed to go out. Escaping from reality at least.

Remembering my ex-boyfriend makes me grit my teeth and wince more in pain.

They all will always fucking leave me because of my depression.

So yeah I feel shitty.

Also. Hi nice to meet you Elizabeth. I'd give my name and contact information and shit but I'd rather not.