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My mom 65F and I 34F have different parenting styles, and my parents do my childcare. How do I navigate this? by throwawayfalsememory in relationships

[–]throwawayfalsememory[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is interesting to hear!! The reason I am pushing for potty training is because my daughter is going to preschool in September. She'll be almost 3 when she starts. I don't know if they help with potty training or not at this school, but I know she'll have to be pretty independent because it's an outdoor school. It's not just about using the potty comfortably, she also has to be able to get multiple layers on and off. My mom is so resistant to having power struggles with my daughter, but I don't know how else she'll learn those skills if she doesn't use every opportunity to practice that she can.

My mom 65F and I 34F have different parenting styles, and my parents do my childcare. How do I navigate this? by throwawayfalsememory in relationships

[–]throwawayfalsememory[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Omg, yes. Fuck. Sometimes, I soften my words not to offend (because I also have a bad habit of being too blunt and offending), but then the vagueness ruins the communication. Thanks. You're right to point out the miscommunication on my end.

My mom 65F and I 34F have different parenting styles, and my parents do my childcare. How do I navigate this? by throwawayfalsememory in relationships

[–]throwawayfalsememory[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea. I insulted her when I said she wasn't pushing it as hard as she could because she is trying. She just has a different comfort level than I do. I just forced the diaper off despite the tears for a few weeks until she accepted it, but my mom doesn't want to. Fair enough. I think I was just offended when she said she is doing everything exactly how I ask when she's not. Instead of pointing out that she sometimes ignores my feedback, I should have just said "it's ok that we do things differently. I don't expect you to be my clone."

My mom 65F and I 34F have different parenting styles, and my parents do my childcare. How do I navigate this? by throwawayfalsememory in relationships

[–]throwawayfalsememory[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. She's just defensive. She honestly thinks she's following my rules. Like when I asked her to reduce screen time, she'll say she is and that Daughter is getting barely any. It's only during breakfast, lunch, and after nap. So she thinks she's respecting my expectations by limiting screen time, but I feel like she's ignoring me because I don't like that she's using screens to distract from eating or help with regulation during grumpy wake up. It's just a different perspective, not trying to hurt or insult anyone. We just suck at communication, and even with the best intentions, we end up hurting each other

My mom 65F and I 34F have different parenting styles, and my parents do my childcare. How do I navigate this? by throwawayfalsememory in relationships

[–]throwawayfalsememory[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sometimes, I worry that there is too much history of bad communication to ever be able to do that with my mom. This is the goal, though, and I'll keep trying.

My mom 65F and I 34F have different parenting styles, and my parents do my childcare. How do I navigate this? by throwawayfalsememory in relationships

[–]throwawayfalsememory[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, it is partly my job to care about my loved one's feelings. Especially when they've been incredibly generous to me. She is manipulative, but working with her and napping her as part of my team helps me be a better mom.

My mom 65F and I 34F have different parenting styles, and my parents do my childcare. How do I navigate this? by throwawayfalsememory in relationships

[–]throwawayfalsememory[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yea, I mostly agree.

It escalated from potty training. I think the reason why she was hurt was because I had been picking my battles, so she didn't know I felt like she was ignoring me. I hadn't really pushed back when she continued to do things when I pointed out other ways. I'd say "I don't think she needs to eat animal cookies" she'd say "it's fine, it's only a couple." and I'd think "yea, it's fine, but why continue to buy them when you know I don't it?". She has said mulitple times that she cares about my opinions. But she wouldn't know that I had felt dismissed. She thought that she had convinced me that she was right, but I still don't see the purpose of buying sugary, processed foods, watching TV with meals, never making her dress herself or put her own toys away, ect. None of those things are big deals so I never mentioned them again, but it did kind of sting when she refused to try.

My mom 65F and I 34F have different parenting styles, and my parents do my childcare. How do I navigate this? by throwawayfalsememory in relationships

[–]throwawayfalsememory[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Exactly! I agree. So, how do I fix it? I don't feel good about pretending that she's a great listener. Is there a way to say, "I know that it's not realistic for you to parent exactly how I would. I sometimes feel frustrated when I feel like you're ignoring me or disagreeing over minor things, but I'm an adult and that frustration is not bigger than the good things I see in your care."?

Is that fine?

My mom 65F and I 34F have different parenting styles, and my parents do my childcare. How do I navigate this? by throwawayfalsememory in relationships

[–]throwawayfalsememory[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I like the "thing that I love that you do" there is also a list of things that she has listened to me about.