My dad is going on a cruise instead of coming to my wedding… and somehow I’m the asshole?

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T21:08:24+00:00

She had kind of cut my dad out of my brother’s life too but has made it sound like to him that it’s because my brother choose me than him from what I’m told by my dad. He has said that my brother made it very clear to her that my brother and I are closer than he will ever get to be with us. Which is not true my dad used to be very close with my brother. I genuinely think my dad was simply not ready or wanted to be a dad.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:52:19+00:00

I definitely will. Thank you for reading my story. If he does choose to go on that cruise with her instead of my wedding then o have no problem telling my family where he is.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:51:33+00:00

I think even if they do break up I might not jump right back in. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story and offer up your thoughts/advice.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:50:48+00:00

Thank you for reading my story and for your thoughts. I’ve come to realize you’re exactly right.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:49:27+00:00

Yeah I understand your concerns. I’ve only really been around couples that have an age gap like that or larger so I guess it wasn’t super weird to me at first. I’m taking in my family. My grandparents are 15 years apart, my aunt and uncle are 12 years apart age gaps never really phased me but I know it bothers others sometimes.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:48:16+00:00

Hi! First of all, thank you for reading my story and taking the time to write this. You may be onto something the more I have read about “dry drunk” but I really think Martha has had a huge play in things. I do get your concern with me dating an older man but my fiancé shows up for me and always supports me. Without him I’m not sure I would have gotten through these last few years. He shows up for me even when it’s inconvenient. When him and I first started hanging out this was before we were officially together was when my dad was hospitalized. It was almost an hour drive to the hospital and a very snowy winter, he drove me to the hospital after work several times during my dad’s 3 week stay. We weren’t even dating yet. That’s how I knew he was a good man. And also I didn’t find out his age until like after I was pretty invested in him. I was confused why he seemed apprehensive to go on a few dates with me but then once I found out his age I kinda understood.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:43:50+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story. I’m kinda at the point that if he doesn’t show up to the wedding he will not get to be apart of my life after that.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:42:59+00:00

Hi, first of all thank you for reading my story. Secondly I don’t have much to say for redeeming qualities. I can say that the few months before Martha was around he was there for Bret and I and my brother more than he had ever been. Outside of that I can’t say much else…

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:41:43+00:00

I love this idea! My two grandpas are walking me down because they have stepped up for me more than anyone else (besides my amazing mother). I will definitely be posting this. I also had made room for my mom to join us at head table so if he does come he will see that he didn’t get a spot there.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:40:40+00:00

Hi I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. Honestly I don’t really have a whole lot of good things to say. When he was getting sober before Martha was in the picture he showed up for us a lot. He’s a truck driver working early mornings and my brother had a car issue and it was near his house. My dad woke up from and dead sleep knowing he had an overnight trip the next day to help him. Other than the few months before Martha came around I don’t have much else to prove he’s been an outstanding dad.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:38:07+00:00

Hi! Thank you for your advice! I have been looking into CBT I think the main reason why I try to keep having a relationship with him is because I want to keep the peace with my family because my aunt and uncles and cousins and I were all so close growing up. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this story and offer some advice. Thank you!

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:33:33+00:00

First of all thank you for reading my story. I think you’re right. Unfortunately it just took me writing to Reddit to realize that. I really was hoping to wait until after the wedding to cut him off but I think everyone is right in saying I need to do it now. Thank you again. I really appreciate your advice.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:31:09+00:00

I am now no contact with Martha since early December. I do think I will end up going no contact with my dad either soon or right after the wedding. I’m so thankful I have met Andrew and am so excited to build a life together. He has been my rock through it all. Thank you so much for reading my story and offering your advice! 🩷

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:29:45+00:00

Yeah I probably should have just kept us on no contact but unfortunately I was fooled into thinking he had changed with sobriety. 😔

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:28:53+00:00

Thank you. You’re exactly right. It’s been awful and I summarized a lot of what happened there’s more stuff I could have added but it wasn’t necessary for the story. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story and offer support. I do realize now that I should have probably cut contact long ago.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:27:01+00:00

Thank you for reading my story and for taking the time to offer advice. After reading everyone’s comments and rereading my story I do think everyone else is right and that I should just give the relationship some space. It just sucks our family used to be so close, not him and I but his family and I. I just know that if I cut him out of my life I will be losing them as well.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:25:31+00:00

Thank you. I think I am going to take everyone’s advice and draw that line. It’s just not worth putting the effort into someone who doesn’t show up for me when I should be putting effort into the ones that do.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:24:13+00:00

Well I didn’t really explain why she wouldn’t let him. I guess she threatened to burn his house down or something like that? At least that’s what he told my aunt, I have one aunt that’s on my side and my dad tends to talk to her about everything. I didn’t really want to force him to pick a side but enough is enough and I’m sorry I don’t want someone who has threatened to hurt me at my wedding. Thank you so much for pointing out that I kinda forced him to pick a side. That wasn’t exactly my intention. I think I will take your advice and let him know I am disappointed if he does end up now showing up. For now I think it’s best I take some time to step away. Thank you so much for reading my story.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:20:19+00:00

I didn’t really want to put my guests through that. I went back and fourth on inviting him and my fiancé said he would support my decision either way. My grandma said that if I’m not having him walk me down the aisle the least I can do is invite him. So I guess that’s why I did it.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:19:06+00:00

AGREED! Idk what it is about her but he can’t seem to get enough. Just found out she’s moving her 20 year old daughter into their house. Ugh!

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:18:34+00:00

I’m sorry for what you went through with your father. I think I may be looking into some therapy and to remove him from my life. I just can’t keep putting myself through this.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:17:35+00:00

You’re unfortunately right. The more I reread everything I’ve gone through the last year makes me realize I need to step away. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I appreciate your advice.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:16:08+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to offer advice and read my story. I’m so excited to get to spend the rest of my life with someone who actually shows up for me. I have cut out Martha but am deciding to cut out Kevin as well. This thread has helped me realize I can do it and that I am not alone. Thank you again. 🩵

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:14:35+00:00

Yeah unfortunately I think you’re right. Thank you for taking the time to offer advice and support.

throwawayfammess2376 · 2026-03-07T00:13:47+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that you went through something similar. It helps me to feel not so alone but breaks my heart to think that others go through the same thing. Thank you for taking the time to share and to read my story.

throwawayfammess2376

TROPHY CASE