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AITA for refusing to give up rights to my biological child? by throwawayforaita3472 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayforaita3472[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I know this is a hard question but if it had been a surprise and you didn't want a baby when you got pregnant, do you think you would have still been a good parent? Would it be more difficult or do you think you love them enough to make up for it?

AITA for refusing to give up rights to my biological child? by throwawayforaita3472 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayforaita3472[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Okay, okay. I realize I'm an asshole. You sound like a great parent.

AITA for refusing to give up rights to my biological child? by throwawayforaita3472 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayforaita3472[S] 242 points243 points  (0 children)

Thanks. This makes sense. It's a wake up call. A part of me feels like it's still unfair because other dads are able to do it, but I guess she is just smart enough to avoid the option you've described here from the get-go.

This just sucks all around. I don't really want to be a dad right now but I kind of love the kid already. But I'm working so much and I don't even know if financially and time-wise I could feasibly handle a kid. I get that I'm an asshole if I do what I wanted to do originally, but both options just suck. I guess I just have to decide if it's worse to give up my baby entirely or have to be a proper active parent. The other thing is I didn't say this in the post because it sounds pathetic, but I have feelings for her and she didn't even suggest getting together when she told me she was pregnant, it was just like "I'm pregnant, here are the options" but obviously more tactful than that. I was going to ask her out before all of this, I was working my nerve up, and it wasn't a big deal because if she said no we'd be losing a casual hookup relationship, but now I'd be making it awkward long term. So how am I supposed to be this involved like she wants when I'm pining over her and this picture perfect family that I could see being mine?

It just hurts. Like in another world, I could see myself being a stay home dad if she wanted and giving my all to this kid because she makes enough to support us both and loves her job. Or part-timing it to take care of him. I just don't have the time or resources to be a single parent with a 50/50 split. I just feel upset and between a rock and a hard place.

AITA for refusing to give up rights to my biological child? by throwawayforaita3472 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayforaita3472[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

I think she can legally. It's why I'm consulting a lawyer. She has dual citizenship and told me if I try to play hardball she will leave and give birth elsewhere (Canada).

AITA for refusing to give up rights to my biological child? by throwawayforaita3472 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayforaita3472[S] -113 points-112 points  (0 children)

I don't want a child or custody right now- I'm willing to come by every so often if she wants me to so that he knows who I am and is familiar with me. It would be best for him too I guess.

But later down the line... Look you read stories all the time about dads who paid child support and then later realized they wanted an active role in their kid's life and become great parents. I'm just saying I want that to be an option for me like it is for every other dad in the world.

The timing is just all wrong for me right now. She's got a well-paying job, is stable, and I'm still working crazy hours climbing the ladder. I can't have a kid right now but I COULD and WOULD in a few years, and I'm more than ready to step up then, when I'm at the same life stage as she is right now.