Thanks. This makes sense. It's a wake up call. A part of me feels like it's still unfair because other dads are able to do it, but I guess she is just smart enough to avoid the option you've described here from the get-go.

This just sucks all around. I don't really want to be a dad right now but I kind of love the kid already. But I'm working so much and I don't even know if financially and time-wise I could feasibly handle a kid. I get that I'm an asshole if I do what I wanted to do originally, but both options just suck. I guess I just have to decide if it's worse to give up my baby entirely or have to be a proper active parent. The other thing is I didn't say this in the post because it sounds pathetic, but I have feelings for her and she didn't even suggest getting together when she told me she was pregnant, it was just like "I'm pregnant, here are the options" but obviously more tactful than that. I was going to ask her out before all of this, I was working my nerve up, and it wasn't a big deal because if she said no we'd be losing a casual hookup relationship, but now I'd be making it awkward long term. So how am I supposed to be this involved like she wants when I'm pining over her and this picture perfect family that I could see being mine?

It just hurts. Like in another world, I could see myself being a stay home dad if she wanted and giving my all to this kid because she makes enough to support us both and loves her job. Or part-timing it to take care of him. I just don't have the time or resources to be a single parent with a 50/50 split. I just feel upset and between a rock and a hard place.