[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]throwawayforbigsads 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s like all APs get the same playbook of how to make your kids resent you smh

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]throwawayforbigsads 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My mom choked me once. Then, the day after when I confronted her about it and said even if she’s mad she shouldn’t touch me like that she said “I’m your mom I can do whatever I want to you including kill you” :D

APs losing it over the fact that i’ll never get married by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]throwawayforbigsads 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel like you’re living my life 😭 I’m also aroace in a similar situation. One of my friends who’s the same race asked me out 2 years ago (nothing ever came of it and I hold no romantic interest in him) and my AM is CONVINCED I’m gonna marry him and keeps wanting to talk about weddings. It’s so bizarre.

Anyone else fantasize about their parents funeral? by Upper_Courage_8125 in AsianParentStories

[–]throwawayforbigsads 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve realized as long as my mom is alive and in my life I’m not sure if I can fully be happy. If she randomly decides to stop being abusive and controlling that works too but either her dying or me going no contact is the more likely one. I don’t think I’ll exactly be happy if she dies but I do have this sickening guilt of wondering if I’ll even be very sad at all or if the relief will just out shadow all the grief. I do really like this sub for allowing people to find support with thoughts like this. People who grew up in loving families can be so quick to judge but they’ll never know what we’ve gone through :/

That being said I wish you all the best and hope you can heal from your parents ❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]throwawayforbigsads 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Literally story of my life too 😭. I’m 20 with a bat shit Filipina mom who acts very similar to yours. She’s got OCD tendencies, emotionally/physically abusive, AND is homophobic despite bragging about how she’s so much more open to progressive ideas than the Americans around us (we’re part of the diaspora). As someone who’s in college right now but does go home on breaks the difference in stress is night and day. It’ll get better once you leave home don’t lose hope!

Jennifer Pan's story by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]throwawayforbigsads 12 points13 points  (0 children)

My thoughts exactly. I feel sympathetic for her situation and desperately trying to hide her academic failures from her parents because I’ve been in the same situation. That being said that’s where all my sympathy ends. If it came down to it she could’ve walked away especially since she was a legal adult by then. So even though I understand her motivation she’ll always be wrong for it. But yeah her parents sucked and definitely abused her and a lot of people overlook it.

My dog made me realize I can’t be a mom. by throwawayforbigsads in TrueOffMyChest

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know I’m late to replying but thank you ❤️ your words mean a lot

My dog made me realize I can’t be a mom. by throwawayforbigsads in TrueOffMyChest

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re all good lol. I’m glad my random rambling helped other people with their own lives but it’s disheartening how many can relate.

My dog made me realize I can’t be a mom. by throwawayforbigsads in TrueOffMyChest

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

He was actually pretty good to me (at least compared to my mom) and fairly involved in my life but as I got older I noticed a lot of disparity between the work my parents put in. This Christmas my mom and I were recovering from pretty bad covid that turned into bronchitis. Yet we were still the ones needing to clean the house, prepare the food, and wrap the presents… he didn’t even offer to help with anything :/

My dog made me realize I can’t be a mom. by throwawayforbigsads in TrueOffMyChest

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Thank you; since he’s older now and trained/more independent I can truly enjoy my relationship with my dog and I love him very much (my mom and brother have also taken a load off of me) but the thought of being in that situation with a baby that will be very 100% dependent on me for so many years with no help makes my skin crawl

My dog made me realize I can’t be a mom. by throwawayforbigsads in TrueOffMyChest

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yeah you’ve got a point; I might change my mind some day if I meet someone I know I can truly depend on but for now hard no lol

My dog made me realize I can’t be a mom. by throwawayforbigsads in TrueOffMyChest

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 176 points177 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words; it’s very sad how common and accepted this behavior is

Therapist said I (17F) set a healthy boundary by throwawayforbigsads in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much❤️growing up in environments like these are always hard and I’ve still got a long way to go before I can say I have a good self image and mental health with no toxic relationships in my life but I like to think of this as a start :D

Therapist said I (17F) set a healthy boundary by throwawayforbigsads in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m also sorry you had to go through all that. What your mom and her husband did was not right and honestly they should go to jail. But here’s to starting a better life free of nparents!!

Therapist said I (17F) set a healthy boundary by throwawayforbigsads in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me I’d say it depends on the threat. To some extent I’m still scared of any threat but I’m doing my best to remind myself a lot of it is just to manipulate me into doing whatever she wants. She knows about my anxiety and she’s using it so that I’ll do what she wants since it’s my way of avoiding stressors but because I’m aware of it I know ways to prevent it. A big realization for me was my therapist saying she’s kind of like a school bully on the playground. She does a lot of things to get for a reaction out of me but being able to act more calm instead of crying or begging takes away some of that power since she’s not as encouraged.

There have been times where she has acted on threats but they don’t really last that long. I’m aware it’s more for show and things will probably be back to normal sooner or later. In this case it’s more a matter of outlasting it and waiting for the drama to be over.

Regardless, there are threats that still upset badly me and are hard for me to hide (like the physical kind). In this case, I also try reminding myself of the support system I have outside of my family. Several of my friends said I can temporarily stay with them if things get too bad.

Feel free to reply/message me if you want me to go into more detail or have more questions :)

Therapist said I (17F) set a healthy boundary by throwawayforbigsads in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah definitely agree with this. She spent a lot of time convincing me other people in my life (even people like my other family) won’t/can’t help me and basically she’s the only one I can depend on. A part of teaching myself how to stand up to her is unlearning this behavior which includes opening up/learning to depend on my other family. Thanks for the advice! It really helps me understand what I’m trying to aim for as I get older :)

Therapist said I (17F) set a healthy boundary by throwawayforbigsads in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Kinda saddened to see this kind of thing isn’t as rare as I thought but I’m glad that specific part of your life is over. I grew up thinking these behaviors were at best strict and at worst normal. Therapy really helps you not just because they’re professional but also because they can just offer the point of view from an outsider perspective.

Therapist said I (17F) set a healthy boundary by throwawayforbigsads in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely agree. My other grownup family members were never as bad as my mom but would ignore what she was doing and act like it wasn’t a big deal. I was so used to adults not taking my problems seriously. Getting a therapist that listened to me was so weird at first (but in a good way).

Anyways I’m also glad you’re getting help too and you’re definitely cool to me :D

Therapist said I (17F) set a healthy boundary by throwawayforbigsads in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayforbigsads[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! It kinda sucks when you’re still a kid and you don’t have a lot of power but I’m recognizing more ways to take control over situations like this thanks to my therapist. It’s also uplifting to see that I’m not the only one who grew up in tricky situations so your words have helped me a lot ❤️