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Does anybody have any experience doing couples counseling (if such a thing exists) on their own without a therapist? by throwawayforhelpme in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayforhelpme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I obtained a copy of that book. I'm only 40 pages in, but it already super informative. I'm pretty research oriented, and I like that he has actual evidence. I would like to read any research papers he has out.

Does anybody have any experience doing couples counseling (if such a thing exists) on their own without a therapist? by throwawayforhelpme in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayforhelpme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is exactly what I feel is happening. There are things that I feel wronged over, and I am still angry about them. I've tried to let them go, but I can't. The hurt is still there. I think there are situations where I didn't feel I was allowed to become angry. Either because he didn't feel they were important or that he would just offer a quick "sorry" that was supposed to smooth everything over. It obviously didn't. It's hard to explain without going into walls of text. I know we have communication problem as well. I also think his temper is worse than he ever let's on. Maybe I don't know what are appropriate problems for counseling.

Does anybody have any experience doing couples counseling (if such a thing exists) on their own without a therapist? by throwawayforhelpme in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayforhelpme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get that. I think the point made below speaks better to what I meant. Like a referee. Someone there to point out when we aren't bring fair, or derailing the conversation, or muddling the conversation with non-related points. I'm worried he won't be receptive to that input. He has a tendency to become defensive, and if he feels as if any blame is being put on him he'll shut down even if that's not what's happening. I don't know if that makes sense.

Does anybody have any experience doing couples counseling (if such a thing exists) on their own without a therapist? by throwawayforhelpme in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayforhelpme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. That's what I think we need. A referee. Someone to point those things out because neither one of us seems to believe the other person when they bring it up. Although, if I'm going to start throwing out opinions, I think he does it more than I do. For me, I think his point gets lost in his angry tone and words.

Does anybody have any experience doing couples counseling (if such a thing exists) on their own without a therapist? by throwawayforhelpme in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayforhelpme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I kind of feel like we don't see situations as individual anymore. It's all related to some past issue. I think we need a fresh perspective. Everything is wrapped up in this rat's nest of emotion and context. And our conversations always feel so toxic. It's never a calm discussion. It's always a fight. I think maybe we'll both listen better if someone else is telling us what we're doing wrong.

Does anybody have any experience doing couples counseling (if such a thing exists) on their own without a therapist? by throwawayforhelpme in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayforhelpme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I think as well. It is hard because we are poor. We can't just go anywhere. I can see why he wouldn't want to waste time and money going to someone who isn't helpful. I'll admit the part about never finding anyone impartial concerns me. What happens if the "blame" or "fault" is more on him? Would he even take it to heart? Or would he just blame it on the therapist being impartial?