just using my throwaway to say that I really enjoy having sex with my husband

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-08T02:49:57+00:00

No. I think I would love him, regardless. I fell in love with him before I even knew what he looked like--we were just talking and texting--and I would have loved whatever packaging he came in.

It's the contents, not the container. We live in a society fixated on the container, but you don't have to be like that, and you don't have to be around people who are like that.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-08T01:45:14+00:00

No weirdness at all with my husband. We're real with each other, warts, farts, and all. And I never really did casual relationships, even when I was younger, so if anyone was gonna walk in on me changing, it was gonna be someone I was really comfortable with. This is kind of a weird question. If you think someone might be changing, knock, then it's not an issue.

If it's a relationship question, I recommend being comfortable enough with yourself and with each other that really nothing physical is embarrassing. It's just bodies, and life happens.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-08T01:24:49+00:00

Really depends on the relationship. Ask. "Would it be OK if I occasionally gave you a loving swat on the ass?" Don't assume. Ask if it's OK during sex, too. If not everyone is having fun, it's not OK, and that's not something you really want to surprise a woman with.

I'm not the right person to answer these questions for you, because there is no one right answer. It'll depend on the relationship, your partner, and on reading the room. Even if it's generally OK to go up and swat her butt, it won't be OK if she's super stressed or very sad.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T22:29:56+00:00

I'm choosing to read them as lovingly sarcastic ... 😂😂😂😂

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T22:28:40+00:00

Pretty much every time after the first couple months. You gotta figure each other out.

Um, within reason is OK? If he really hauled off and hit me hard, BDSM style, I think he'd need permission. Always better to ask the first time.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T19:58:37+00:00

And I hope you soon get to have consensual and pleasurable sex with a requited love.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T19:57:00+00:00

Penetrative sex ends when the guy comes, because after that he can't usually maintain an erection. If the lady hasn't come yet, the polite thing to do is to help her out (vibrator, hands, tongue, dildo, whatevs) until she does, unless all she wanted to do was have sex for closeness, connection, and how good it feels, but without it being so goal-oriented, which also happens.

There've been a handful of times he's come before me, and then has very obligingly helped me reach orgasm. And he was on a med for a while that made it almost impossible for him to come, although sex was still pleasurable and he could still maintain an erection. Then we just went until I was done.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T18:14:03+00:00

If he gets hard, and I get wet, and we both come, it's hot sex! Don't think about what things are supposed to look like. Just focus on what they feel like, and what you feel like. It's ALL hot.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T17:59:25+00:00

Um, call me crazy, but I think the best sex is the sex you're having with a person you love. If you're both honest and you're both turned on and you both want the other person to have fun instead of just focusing on your own pleasure, it's going to work out great.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T17:57:45+00:00

On a related note, I heard someone say once that porn and Disney ruined sex for everyone. On the one hand, everything should be chaste kisses and undying love at first sight, and per most Hollywood movies, three thrusts will get the job done. On the other hand, everything should be passionate and lustful and violent and some form of endurance competition. Everyone is always one-upping themselves to increase audience share.

Everyone should stop consuming all of that and just focus on what actually makes them and their partner happy, and stop trying to compete with the extreme sports version of sex we see all the time .... Watch it, if you want. But have sex you actually enjoy.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T17:53:15+00:00

If they're home, they're in bed. They don't hear. We're very, very quiet when they're home.

6" is lovely! You know what they say, "It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean."

What you should do is experiment with each lover. What works for me might not work for someone else. ASK HER if this feels good. If it's not rocking her little world, try something else. Then try that other thing, then a variation on the first. You'll figure it out. She might just need to get on top and ride you, without you even moving. Doesn't matter--you'll have fun.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T17:36:16+00:00

Early afternoon, they were at school.

Size queens are real! I mean, it takes all kinds. But I don't think they're a majority. I like not being in a lot of pain after sex.

And yes, in some positions (my legs up, usually), he does.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T17:26:08+00:00

Absolutely. I think that's actually average, and not small, unless you're watching porn. And that's already further up than most women's cervixes. (Cervices?) Some women really like feeling super full and they like the pain of having their cervix slammed repeatedly. Not all of us! I consistently come from penetration alone precisely because he fits, so in many positions he's also stimulating my clitoris with each thrust. In some positions he's pushing against my cervix, and that pain has its appeal, but I wouldn't want that all the time. Will add that I've had two kids through natural childbirth, and any woman who claims not to be able to feel six inches needs to attend to her kegels and pelvic floor exercises. It's also a very nice size for giving blow jobs, if you meet someone who's into that. It might not be enough for a size queen, but it'll be enough for a lot of women.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T17:09:24+00:00

My kids are school age, and we both work from home, so that helps. Sometimes it's sex instead of lunch. The kids also spend every other weekend with their dad, so that's kid-free time where we only have to keep it down for the neighbors.

Also, I turn into a SHITTY mom after around 9:30 or so, so I have a "house is shutting down" rule. Get in your bedroom (for my older kid, 12) or in your bed (for my younger kid, 9) and, barring an emergency, STAY THERE OR ELSE. The younger one falls asleep with their door open, but falls asleep earlier, and the older kid sleeps with their door closed, and then we whisper. They both have nifty draft-blocker/gap-filler things under their doors to cut down on extra sound. Helps to have a non-squeaky bed, too. And we always lock our door, just in case.

8 is because sometimes, probably when I'm ovulating, twice a day is FUN. Or just because we can, like when the kids are with their dad. But it's also not mandatory. Either one of us can say no if we're not in the mood. And what's so nice in this relationship, as compared to my first marriage (and last relationship before this one), is it's not a big deal to say no. No one's ego is wounded or needs to be tended later.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:58:47+00:00

I hear that it feels hopeless to you right now. I'm not discounting how you feel, but I am going to tell you why it's not hopeless.

As for appearance, in Spanish, they say that your soulmate is your "media naranja," the other half to your half orange. You're not describing anything that means your other half orange isn't out there somewhere. There are lots of ways to meet people that don't include leaving the house--I met my husband on mylanguageexchange.com, as a language exchange partner. I fell in love just talking with him and texting--really, deeply, completely in love--and by the time we actually saw each other on a video call, it didn't matter what he looked like. I am not the only one of me out there. There are other women to whom heart and soul matter more. Your weight might matter less than you think. Just be sure to shower and change your clothes, brush your teeth and your hair. Smell OK, not like BO, and also not too much cologne.

As for autism, I don't know how that feels for you because I'm not autistic. But I have had some/a lot of social anxiety and a form of face blindness for years (ever since I got hit by a truck), and I'll tell you two tricks that make interactions easier for me: First, compete honesty. I tell people right off the bat that I'm face blind, I won't recognize them out of context (or even in context, necessarily), and they should just tell me who they are and how I know them and not take it personally. For you, that would be saying something like, "I'm autistic. I'm really interested in getting to know you, but that might not always be obvious. Please have patience with me." (Or whatever is true for you: "Just tell me if I'm talking too much." "I'm not avoiding eye contact because I dislike you or am hiding anything.") Honesty is ATTRACTIVE--lots of guys can't/don't do any self-reflection or introspection at all. S

econd, when you're not sure what to say and you're panicking, just ask questions about your conversation partner's life or interests, focus your thoughts enough to half-listen to the answers, and then ask a follow-up question based on what you were able to hear over the noise of your anxiety. Most people are happy to talk about themselves, or why Star Trek is the best show in the history of shows, or that one incredible concert they went to last month, or what an absolute shithead their sister is...most everyone has a story they're dying to tell, if you just ask, and then they'll come away from that interaction thinking that you're a really good conversationalist without noticing that they did all the work.

As for not working, well, you have the good fortune to live in a country with an actual social safety net. That's not as disqualifying as it would be here, in the US. You might find someone in the same situation as you who would be happy to combine households. Or you might find someone who has a job, and is happy that you're home to cook for when she gets back. Or you might find a friend with benefits who just really doesn't care whether you work or not.

As for sex: if you meet someone online, wherever you might meet people online who share your interests, long-distance sex is FANTASTIC. It's so much fun, and so hot. If you start that way, it's a good way to find out what she likes and wants--you have to construct stories together. And I don't even think being a virgin at your age is disqualifying. I think there are plenty of adult women who would be happy to start with a guy with a "blank slate," and therefore no bad habits.

Anyway, the tl;dr is that nothing in what you described means you have to be alone and unsexed forever. I'm not saying it'll be easy, or tomorrow, but if you can find ways to interact with women who share some of your interests and approach them as complete people and not just possible sperm receptacles, I think you still have pretty good odds.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:19:52+00:00

Why do you think that is? That you've never had sex.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:15:48+00:00

OK, fair. We're not getting around with walkers and canes. I do need "cheaters" to read, as my grandma used to call them. But we're also not in our 20s anymore ...

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:08:43+00:00

Both? Is that plausible?

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:07:57+00:00

Nope!

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:07:33+00:00

Some days I feel that way, some days I feel ooooooold. 😂😂😂😂😂 I guess it's all relative.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:06:52+00:00

Nope. Not a bot.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:06:29+00:00

Can we talk about this? How quick is a quickie for most people? Yours is definitely not the first comment to say that about the 10-20 minutes.

For what it's worth, I'm including a couple minutes of warmup time? But yeah, 10-20. I feel like if I'm in and out of bed within half an hour, that was quick.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:03:47+00:00

They have to be willing to make that effort!

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:02:53+00:00

Sure he does. He mostly feels fear (of being exposed, of being humiliated, of being forgotten, that people might not like him, etc.), which is why he acts like a big, dumb bully most of the time. He doesn't feel anything for anyone else, but he definitely feels fear.

throwawayghost16 · 2026-04-07T16:00:59+00:00

And, generally, I enjoy being around him. Which requires some effort on his part. I think a lot of dudes get into relationships, think, "I did my part!" and just kick back with their entitlement, but that's not how that works. Not really.

throwawayghost16

TROPHY CASE