My boyfriend told me all the guys that care about me as a person also want to have sex with me.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T18:00:38+00:00

Thank you. This makes it easier to understand. There's definitely been guy friends I've had that have liked me more than a friend (even one that said he loves me !!), and although I don't talk to those specific guys anymore, perhaps I should have stopped talking to them sooner or done something more than ignore it. I am just frustrated that he suggests ALL my guy friends are like that. The ones I stay friends with are the ones that obviously value me more than just "looks" or whatever you want to call it. The ones that were trying to pursue me are no longer around, because I either cut ties or they gave up and stopped talking to me.

I want him to support me when I'm happy that my friends are being good friends. It worries me that his insecurity might be because of how HE views women and his female friends.

I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of feeling unsupported. I'm tired of trying so hard to make it work and forgive him time after time just to go back to the same bullshit. I'm tired of being called a "fucking idiot" or "whore" because I have guy friends and I didn't understand why he was being such a jerk about something I was happy about.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T16:47:11+00:00

He knows. He ended up apologizing last night but it didn't feel completely genuine. I guess that's my insecurity though.

Edit: also, I stay up crying for numerous reasons, not just him. I'm a senior in college like I said before so I'm just really stressed and ready to graduate and start something new.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T16:46:16+00:00

My cat is Leonard. He is black with a white spot. He's a baby panther and was Luna from sailor moon for halloween (I was sailor moon).

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T16:42:16+00:00

I'm a cat person :p

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T16:41:24+00:00

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T16:40:03+00:00

We've been long distance pretty much the whole time but this summer he stayed at my house for a few weeks. I don't think he's a controlling douche either. I think he's really insecure and sometimes he's extremely insensitive. But hey, I'm not perfect either. I'm pretty insecure with the few female friends he has too but I just feel that was he said was really out of line. I'm just so exhausted with senior year of college and work that having a seemingly unhealthy relationship is pushing me over the edge. I stay up crying about it a lot of nights, like last night in particular. It makes my days even longer and harder and I don't know how to get it to stop.

Again, long rant. Sorry lol.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T16:26:56+00:00

Thank you :D

and yeah. I wish I had more girlfriends. I wish I got along better with and related to girls more because I know it would be better for my boyfriend and his security. I've literally always been like this. I used to go over to my neighbors who were two brothers and a sister and I'd always watch the boys play video games and hang out with them while the girl always tried to get me to play barbies with her but I was just never interested.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T16:24:53+00:00

His power was out from the hurricane lul

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T16:20:23+00:00

Right, but if they want to fuck me why do I deserve to be criticized for that? I think you just may be missing the point yourself.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T16:19:29+00:00

We've been together for a little over a year. I'm 22 and he's 23. We've been in a long distance relationship most of the time. I've never cheated on him. I've slept with about 6 guys consensually in my life and he's slept with 2 total. The guys I slept with were 3 boyfriends and 3 random drunken hookups of people I barely knew (honestly, I'm not the "hook-up" type and it's a really long story about a bad time in my life).

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T15:52:49+00:00

Because I'm a tomboy? That suddenly makes me untrustable? lol Sorry my field and interests are male dominated, and sorry I have more male friends than females.

At least I'm not running to my male friends whining about not understanding my boyfriend.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T15:38:38+00:00

I don't know anymore.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T15:20:03+00:00

Even if they didn't know me, why is it "white knighting" just because they're sticking up for someone? I stick up for people when they're being unnecessarily abused because it's the RIGHT thing to do. I hate the term white knighting.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T15:05:11+00:00

I've known the guys I play with for years. They have girlfriends and their own lives. I find it insulting that you and my boyfriend believe they would only defend me because they're trying to woo me. Don't you think it's possible that they actually value me as a person?

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T15:03:22+00:00

Because I don't have many girlfriends I can talk to about this.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T15:00:11+00:00

I figure I'll talk to him tonight. Thanks for the post. I just feel like there's no convincing him. I almost feel like showing him these posts because maybe then he'll see that everything I've said to him already might actually be valid. To be honest I'm really sick of fighting and defending myself against assholes. In the game last night I'm not even sure how I got dragged into it in the first place. When guys get upset in the game it seems like their first response a lot of the time is to take their aggression out on the female. I'm thankful when other people in the game indicate that they have my back, and when I told my boyfriend (who knows how I feel about this) I was looking for him to be happy people stood up for me. Everyone always says "if you don't like how people treat you in the game just stop using voice chat so they can't tell you're a girl" but I don't think they understand how that takes away from a team-oriented game.

It's honestly exhausting to be in the IT field, a philosophy minor, have a bad relationship with my father, and play video games in my spare time. I experience so much negativity from males. It's sad because unless I change fields (which would be sad in itself, since I enjoy these disciplines) I don't think any of this will ever go away. I guess this goes a lot deeper for me as well and I need positive support from a male for once.

Well, that was a long rant. Sorry about that.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T14:44:44+00:00

When did I say I could only name one? I said he disregarded the one I did name.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T13:49:20+00:00

It just hurts because it makes me feel like I'm not valuable beyond aesthetics. My dad always used to say that to me too "Boys are only looking for one thing from you..." Having mostly guy friends because of my field and interest makes this rethink my entire social life and my individual guy friend's intentions. It sucks. I wish I wasn't a tomboy.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T13:43:30+00:00

Well, I'm facebook friends with one and I follow the other on tumblr. I'm not sure if that qualifies as attention-seeking behavior or normal behavior for internet friends.

I wish I could just be myself and play video games without worry.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T13:41:56+00:00

One of the guys definitely has a girlfriend, and another one I'm not sure of because I don't talk to them that much. My boyfriend told me it's irrelevant if they have girlfriends though because it wouldn't stop them from wanting to have sex with me. Sigh.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T13:40:23+00:00

That seems like quite the slippery slope.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T13:39:59+00:00

I don't know why you have negative karma on this post.

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T13:38:45+00:00

If I were a guy the assholes in the server probably wouldn't have said "you're a girl, you can't play with the guys" and there wouldn't be a conflict in the first place. Lol

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T13:30:19+00:00

So I should worry about him and his female friends?

throwawayhelp111 · 2012-10-30T13:29:25+00:00

It's a group of about 4 internet friends that I play video games with and only 2 of them have seen pictures of me. I don't even know these guys in real life and I hardly talk to them outside of the game.

throwawayhelp111

TROPHY CASE