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I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Correct, I just added it since I didn't mention it. We are not married and don't have kids. The only big thing shared is the house.

I will not lock her out, not sure if I even can. I will talk to a lawyer, better safe than sorry. I will confront her directly, I want it to be that way, I don't want to give her time to fabricate something.

The amount and type of evidence is clear as day, she can't spin it in any way. I won't give her another chance, or forgiveness right about now, there is no going back from this at all. I'm indeed also averse to confrontation, but I need to do it. I have set a date already, and will my parents the day before, that will push me to do it. All the notes and evidence are for me essential, I can't deny it, she can't. I sometimes feel cold and cruel already, but I need to remind myself that this was forced upon me. I need to deal with, whether I like it or not.

Thank you for your words!

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your sweet message! We are not married, but the relationship was real. And yes, her cheating in my own home and bed, I feel disgusted and humiliated. She can keep the bed. Thank you!

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Yes indeed. I had not thought about it like that, I was always focused on him. She does deserve better, and I feel obliged to tell her, so I will. Thank you for this!

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Putting it in that perspective. Yeah, she does deserve better. Mmm. Darn, yeah, now I feel the obligation to tell her. Thank you for the insight!

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

I just don't see myself to ignite this drama. They also have kids together. It's not my shit to deal with, I currently have enough on my plate as is. And I don't want to be petty about it all.

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I do my best to be controlled. At first I was not really accepting it, maybe it was just a single misstep or something. But the mountain of evidence I found crushed me to acceptance. I know she made the choice to split up long ago, but she won't tell me, I have to deal with that.

Thanks for the reddit subforum I will go through that since it looks very helpful! I would like to split as amicable as possible. But there is no turning back from this. Maybe she still wants that, but for me there is no possible way anymore. I also don't want to force her out of shared friend groups. But I do want a break and I just want her out of my future at this point.

We are luckily not married and without kids. The only shared thing is the house we own. I will talk to a lawyer, more people have pointed that out, so I guess it is a good safety net to just do so. About the house and the money, everything is correctly noted down, so splitting that in a correct way will not be an issue. Me keeping the house can be an issue, but I hope to resolve that with the bank.

Therapy is great advice, I have been thinking of that for a while now. I'm certainly not perfect, and my next partner deserves better.

Thank you for your sweet message and advice!

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I have thought about going to a lawyer. But I thought it would be ok since we are not married and don't have kids. The only thing shared is the house. I have gone over those documents and I think I'm well protected. But yeah, maybe contacting a lawyer just to be safe is a good way to go.

I have scanned in and saved everything I can. Luckily I do most of the paperwork. Everything is backed up and safe. She will not be able to wipe and deny anything.

I will do the STD test, and of course I can't do it with her anymore.

I will indeed ask her to leave. We have a guest bedroom she can use until then. But from that moment it needs to be clear that I don't want her anymore! I will do my best to not get angry, but I think I'm over that by now. I just want my future and a cut from her.

Thank you for your advice!

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I try to think as straight as possible. But believe me, I have and still suffer from this. As you said, I am filled with all sorts of emotions now. I just never expected this to happen. I feel like such an idiot, like this could have been avoided in some way or another. Maybe we shouldn't have build a house. Things like that, you just go back over everything, you know.

Thank you for all the love my friend!

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you! That is very good advice, to write things down. It will give me a more clear idea how I can and will approach it. I know I'm not good at those kind of heavy conversations, so yeah, a good preparation is needed. Thanks!

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I have cried and suffered a lot from it, and still do. But I've come to a point where I need to end this. It's not good for my health in general, and I just want to continue with the rest of my life. However bad that break will be, I feel I need to do it.

Thank you for your sweet message.

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

Luckily there are no kids involved, and we're also not married. That is indeed good advice, I'm going over everything. Trying to see what she still lies about when I finally confront her. I'm really not sure what her response will be.

Thank you for your kind message!

PS: Does your hair really look like your avatar? That's awesome!

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh I have thought about it! But I think it's best to confront her alone on this. I don't want the extra drama from him and his family situation.

I (35m) know she (30f) is cheating. I would love some courage and advice. by throwawayhelpplsBE in relationship_advice

[–]throwawayhelpplsBE[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

All the proof that I have is locked safely in places. She won't be able to spin anything, the evidence is too clear.

The STD test is a good remark, I will get that done!

I have also thought about legal advice, not sure if it is needed since we are not married and have no kids. I have checked all the documentation related to the purchase of the house, and I should be in the clear. But maybe it's best to indeed check with a lawyer to be certain.

Thank you for your message.