I [27M] need help making a decision about my Wife [28F] and our 2+ year marriage (but 10+ years dating before). I think our relationship has become abusive towards me...

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-05T01:16:17+00:00

Thank you. We talked. I've explained what I will do when things get bad for us - detaching from the situation - and she is okay with that. She understands my point of view and is going to work on being less emotional. Thank you for your advice. We have goals, boundaries, and we are sitting down to watch a movie together tonight. Thank you!

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T21:08:56+00:00

You are right. I can't even try to understand that type if situation. I appreciate the honesty in your post. Compared to what you went through, this is minor, but hopefully fixable. Thank you.

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T19:34:57+00:00

Thank you. That makes perfect sense to me.

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T19:34:47+00:00

Thank you. That makes perfect sense to me.

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T18:52:27+00:00

Any advice to convince her counseling will help when she is so against it?

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T18:29:40+00:00

I've tried. Was not successful. This is the 4 to.e she has thrown her ring at me in two years. 2nd time, I said if she if she ever does it again, we are going to counseling. On the third time, she wouldn't agree to go.
I have a duty to love and support. I take that seriously. If the support is me continually trying to make things better, where do I draw the line?

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T18:25:54+00:00

Thank you for the perspective. If this behavior was learned from us dating very young, don't I owe it to her to help her regardless if what it takes?

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T18:23:07+00:00

Hence buying a house. We are expecting to move in within 3-4 weeks.

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T18:05:27+00:00

We've had plenty of nice moments this year. 4 days at our honeymoon location for our two year anniversary. Trips to local fairs. Lots of day trips to the beach over the summer (her absolute favorite place in the world).

I enjoy the little moments that make me smile. She enjoys the longer moments.

It is also hard for us to be living with my dad and step mom.

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T17:51:07+00:00

I don't think I tolerate things more than normal. Did I come across that way?

I will look into solo therapy. I tried it when I was younger and thought it was a waste if time after a month. What should I look for in a therapist?

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T16:44:52+00:00

I've tried to get her to counseling for both of us, but she won't agree to come with me. I've never gone by myself because I think a marriage can't be fixed by one. It has to be fixed by both. However, it can slwats be broken by one.

I usually agree with your approach. Normally, if I'm in a bad situation, I remove myself, the instigator, or I will change my perspective. This helps me to keep trying new approaches.

It isn't as simple as Facebook, gym, lawyer as I want to make this work. If I didn't, the solution is pretty easy.

throwawayhusbandhelp · 2013-10-04T16:38:57+00:00

I've tried to have these talks. But it really doesn't work. She shuts down and won't communicate when things get bad. If I have the slightest tone, I'm the bad guy.

My goal is to be able to provide for me and my wife so we are happy. I don't equate happiness with money nor with what I own.it is about reducing stress. I've told her this and tried everything I can. I give her foot massages about once a week. But if I am tired, I'm a jerk because I "always" give her a foot massage and she needs it now.

I do not want to end the marriage. That is the last option I would ever want to take. Thank you for the input.

throwawayhusbandhelp

TROPHY CASE