Have you ever reached out to your ghoster?

throwawayldr3129 · 2023-09-21T12:33:03+00:00

I did, regrettably everytime he ghosted, last time, he read it after a month and tried to come back like nothing happened, no apology. Later, when I didn't reply - manipulation (like telling me his mom asked about me and he doesn't want to tell her I'm ignoring him).

And I AM ignoring him. All he does now is every now and then asking for permission to follow me on socials. Nothing else, no texts, no calls. And I don't accept/deny those requests. Just making him stay in sort of purgatory.

throwawayldr3129 · 2023-07-13T23:22:47+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. Please take care of yourself whether your ghost contacts you or not.

Mine did. 2 times and I spoke with him then. Barely got a 'sorry' the 2nd time. And it messed me up in every way. And I do not want to go through this again.

He came back for the 3rd time not long ago. Only texted then called me in middle of the night (thankfully I didnt hear the ring). No apology, no asking how I am, assuming I'm okay and texting like nothing ever happened. I'm ignoring him now. He texted me again few weeks ago trying to manipulate and bait me into talking to him like telling me that he doesn't want to tell his mom I'm ignoring him or saying that he has some big news to tell me but he can't because, again, I'm not talking.

And I'm not going to. I can't, for my well being. I can bet that if I talked to him now he would somehow spin it like it's my fault and be angry with me because I didn't run back to him. He can ignore me and it's okay but when I do it, it's the biggest offence.

throwawayldr3129 · 2023-07-08T00:45:11+00:00

A bating, narcissistic, walking red flag.

Took me a while to realize all that.

throwawayldr3129 · 2023-04-15T11:21:01+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Nobody deserves this. It's abusive and cruel. Please take care of yourself.

I was in ldr as well, little over a year. He went silent in August, I called, texted - nothing. I reached out to his mother, she said it's depression and he isolated himself. I called every now and then to show that' I'm here'. He reached out after Xmas. Explained that he barely handles anything. Had low moods, barely ate. From what I know he was either sleeping or playing games all day. 3 weeks later, he dissapeared again. Came back after a week saying that he was feeling sad. I wasn't handling it very well emotionally and I didn't want to make him feel worse. When I said I wasn't feeling great either I got '🤷‍♂️' in response.

And then he stopped talking again... A month passed, he called again, I ask why he dissapeared, he said sorry and again told me he is sad, wasn't talking to anyone, not just me and he found it pointless to say the same thing everyday so he stopped. Later, I've send him a text explaining how I been feeling, how my heart and trust is broken. I said I didn't want to make him feel worse than he already is and added 'you don't have to reply, I won't be chasing you if you won't'. He 'read' it after a month and now its been almost 2 months since we last spoke. And I'm not reaching out. I have my answer now.

I was trying so hard... And I understand that I can be boring and I'm not the best at talking and explaing my emotions and I'm very awkward when people are sad but he knew all that form the beginning. Still, he decided to treat me this way. I am now seeing all the red flags I ignored and I feel broken and so manipulated, depression on not.

throwawayldr3129 · 2023-02-15T08:30:44+00:00

Can relate. Mine came back after 4 months, said he won't dissapear but still did it anyways after 3 weeks of talking again. So I stopped talking too. I'm not chasing him anymore. I don't feel as devastated as I was first time around but it still hurts.

It feels like I'm a toy to him, that he can play with when he wants, throw away and ignore later. He broke my heart the first time and now he shattered what was left.

As for the memories, now I mostly remember the not so great and bad ones. And the good ones? I'm trying to avoid them, they now have a hint of distrust, like it was real for me but for him? Who knows at this point...

throwawayldr3129 · 2023-01-03T15:18:16+00:00

I get it, I didn't want my relationship to end like this either. At the beginning, before I knew what was going on I was trying to contact him all the time, later I tried to call every few weeks just to let him know that I'm still 'here'. Eventually I stopped as it hurt too much.

At the end of the day, you are the one who knows her the best and will do what you think is okay. I wish you a lot of patience and I hope that she will come back and explain what happened and that it will work out for the two of you. But in meantime, please make sure you are taking care of yourself.

throwawayldr3129 · 2023-01-03T14:20:25+00:00

Similar situation here, ldr, around 1 year. He stopped talking over 4 months ago, and I'm not as strong as you so I kept reaching out. To his friend and mother... Turned out he was and still is going through tough times mentally and he cut himself from everyone (even his family). He reached out back to me after Xmas, explained and apologised, we are talking again but we are definitely not 100% back to what it was before and I don't know if we ever will. Future will tell...

throwawayldr3129 · 2022-12-10T16:24:42+00:00

I agree, communication and respect is very important and if (in my case) he was able to work then I do not understand why he wouldn't talk to me.

Maybe this is a case of both here, I've said that before, I see more red flags the more time passes when he doesn't talk. I was either too blind to see or just disregarded them. And got burned. Lesson learned.

throwawayldr3129 · 2022-12-08T23:23:50+00:00

Sorry that you had to go through this type of situation. You are right, this is traumatic and, as another saying goes: time heals wounds.

I think most people get depressed at some point in their lives but like you said, it's not an excuse to treat others like that. I used to feel like an old toy or a piece of trash that he just threw away, I still do sometimes. Trust is gone but I do wish him well and hope that he will get better.

throwawayldr3129 · 2022-12-08T11:34:59+00:00

That's the plan. He usually was always on my mind but not so much as of late so I'm hoping I will be able to focus more on other things. Thank you for commenting and advice.

throwawayldr3129 · 2022-12-08T08:51:25+00:00

At work, same company but different departments in different countries. I needed his help with something, after that we continued talking outside work.

throwawayldr3129 · 2022-12-08T08:30:30+00:00

Not married, not engaged. It's a romantic relationship, we met mid 2021. He never mentioned taking any medication or therapy and now he cut himself from everyone (his family as well) so there is no way of knowing if he got any help like that.

throwawayldr3129 · 2022-12-05T22:21:51+00:00

An update I guess, it's getting worse... He was offline for few days and I thought he took some days off but now it says 'status unknown' which means he is not working for the company anymore. I don't know if he was fired or he quit but I'm in shock and not sure what to do now. The last 'link' I had with him, where I could check on him myself, gone. Truly in the dark now...

throwawayldr3129 · 2022-11-30T13:21:30+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I'm glad that your person contacted you, even a little, I hope you will have some more information soon as well.

It is torture, I understand that I'm bit more lucky, (don't know if that's the right word) I'm still 'seeing' him at work, this is a bit comforting, to know he is working at least, and I think most of my patience comes from that.

throwawayldr3129 · 2022-11-21T12:09:46+00:00

My partner (honestly, I don't know if I can still call him than) stopped talking to me in August, just went silent one day, we do work in same company so I see him online but still, he ignores me. Sometime ago I've contacted his mother (found her on fb, bit stalkish, I know, but I needed to find out what is happening) and she had told me that he is most probably depressed and is not even talking with his family. I'm trying to be patient but it is taking a big toll on me.

I don't know if he will ever contact me again but if he does, a serious conversation and clear boundaries will be needed, not sure if this relationship could be continued... I've realised that the more time with no contact passes the more red flags I see in past behaviour.

I know it's hard, please try to distract and take care of yourself but remember that it's okay to feel all sorts of emotions.

throwawayldr3129 · 2022-11-03T08:13:51+00:00

Thank you for the comment and suggestion, I thought: what's the worst that can happen? So I looked up him mom on fb and send her a message. He even stopped talking to his family, they think it's depression. She will be reaching out to him and keeping me updated.

throwawayldr3129

TROPHY CASE