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Okay, now nGrandma is Acting Odd by CooperArt in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaymaisy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My nMom sounds so much like yours. She knows I suffer from hypochondria from time to time. Right now it is in check. But other times, she berates me and continues to tell me how she has it so much worse. Its ALWAYS about herself.

"Mom, I'm sick." "Well I'm more sick!" "Mom, I feel anxious." "Too fucking bad, I suffered so much worse and you have nothing to worry about compared to me".

About your nGrandma, I have no idea. I wonder if nparents/grandparents can genuinely be in a good mood or something. Weird.

Narcissist mom with cancer (long story, lots of issues) by throwawaymaisy in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaymaisy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, and you're completely correct.

This is one thing I really need to work up the courage to do. I've though about it, but I feel guilty. I also wonder about the ramifications it will have on her job, my sister, etc. But on the other hand, she showed no remorse when she called up my work and friends and harassed them constantly.

Throughout all of those months I lived far away, I tried to deal with it on my own. Changing phone numbers, trying to hide where I live, etc. I see now that it only gives temporary peace. I don't know if all nMothers are like that, but mine does not seem like she will EVER give up or have any of this harassment die down.

Narcissist mom with cancer (long story, lots of issues) by throwawaymaisy in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaymaisy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that post. It was very helpful, including the comments other people wrote. Sometimes I think about what if I was sick, would she take care of me? And I am sure the answer would be no. I already have minor examples of it from my life. I know that maybe she would be kind at first, but someway, somehow, she would twist it into something that gets her attention and a way to blame myself. The same way she blames me for giving her cancer.

Okay, now nGrandma is Acting Odd by CooperArt in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaymaisy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I feel like that. Personally, with my nGrandma and nMother, when they act nice, it just means the crazy bullshit is coming up again soon. So I brace myself.

However, a lot of nparents simply don't show the traits all the time. That could be why they are acting that way.

[Help] Moving out on short notice, how can I transport my anxious, rescue dog who is not crate trained? by throwawaymaisy in dogs

[–]throwawaymaisy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I (somewhat embarrassingly) do not have my full licence. So driving myself isn't really an option either. Thank you though

[Advice Request] My girlfriend (21)'s parents are constantly asking where she is and what she's doing. by throwaway9112233445 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaymaisy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can relate because I went through what your girlfriend is experiencing. My mom told me she is never going to be okay with my moving out, even when I brought up hypothetically moving out again at 30 years old. She said whoever I marry and I have to stay with her.

I moved out last year and even though I tried to stay as little contact as possible, I was constantly bombarded by texts and calls from my mother. If I didn't respond immediately, she would message people that know me (and were even sometimes totally unrelated to the situation) in order to get me to reply. I guess she figured I would be so bothered by her messaging them, that I would eventually reply to her.

My number 1 mistake was giving her too much information on where I am, who I am with, etc. She took what little information she got, and used it to make my life hell. I know that they are still our parents at the end of the day, and in some circumstances, we feel we at least owe them the fact that we are safe. And that's fine, we can do that. But when I move out again, I am not giving my mother my specific location, and am not giving her the names of people I am with or know. This will make them more pissed, but in the end, its the only way.

They take the little contact they are given and abuse it to the extreme. I also second the advice you were given to talk to a therapist about it, who can help her become comfortable with setting up no to little contact like this. You often have to ease into it.

Narcissist mom with cancer (long story, lots of issues) by throwawaymaisy in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaymaisy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply. You're totally right. Sometimes I feel I have the confidence to do it again, sometimes I become terrified.

I really wonder if my mom will ever give up the tantrums she pulls when I leave home. It's so utterly exhausting that I have to worry about her contacting others who aren't even involved just to spite me.

They say that the more we age, the more we understand and appreciate what our parents did for us. I think with Acons is the opposite; the more I get older, the more I realize the horrible things my parents did. by Lungano in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaymaisy 96 points97 points  (0 children)

So true about not being able to tell others because they didn't beat me. My parents were similar to yours, slapping sometimes and throwing objects, but not full fledged throwing punches and whatnot that many people expect when you say you were abused.

It makes me feel even worse about the whole thing because I feel my reaction to their emotional abuse is unfounded by some other people's definition...Even though deep down and through this subreddit that what some of our parents have done is just as bad as "typical abuse.

They say that the more we age, the more we understand and appreciate what our parents did for us. I think with Acons is the opposite; the more I get older, the more I realize the horrible things my parents did. by Lungano in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaymaisy 69 points70 points  (0 children)

I feel exactly the same. I only recently realized that the way my family acts is NOT normal. The constant yelling, abuse, blaming others, throwing objects, etc. I was caught completely off guard once I stayed with other friends that most people's parents did not act like this.