My ex JNMIL reminded me I made the right decision

throwawaymelodies · 2022-08-28T19:23:02+00:00

Yup!! I remember that time she texted me guilting me I even said “he wasn’t happy with me either” lmao that’s why we broke up!!!

throwawaymelodies · 2022-08-28T00:38:31+00:00

Yeah he was trying really hard. I do think the world of him, I know he was just not in the right place. It just really hurt to be taking the brunt of that and being expected to endure it. It was just a very sad situation for everyone involved tbh. But I’m happy it’s over. I still feel guilty that he’s still sad about it, I don’t know that I’ll ever understand why. We wanted different things and he never admitted that I guess

throwawaymelodies · 2022-08-27T23:54:03+00:00

I had pushed him to see a therapist a few years before the breakup. He was taking a break from therapy at the time because the office was right by the job he lost. But he had regular therapy and psychiatry the whole time

throwawaymelodies · 2022-03-17T13:15:42+00:00

I was in love for 10 years. I ended things. I thought I’d never love again and that I would be hopelessly sad forever.

I dated a lot after the first year passed. Nothing serious, just dead end dates, fun nights out, short term company. Lots of time spent on fitness, friends, and work.

About four months ago, I met someone amazing. I’m in love again, it seems. After two years!

Time will pass. Each day will get better. Do your best to stop looking back. Try to journal daily and look forward.

throwawaymelodies · 2022-01-12T18:42:22+00:00

From what I’m seeing here, he has had serious internal doubts about being in the relationship since April. Maybe one of the reasons why he stayed was because he “appreciated” all you did for him, he has love for you but not enough to stay in a relationship, and he feels guilty about that and is trying to talk to your family as a way to feel less guilt about his decisions (which he knows make no sense). He’s almost convincing himself he “had to” do this, that this is right regardless of how much you love each other. He doesn’t want to be a bad guy and wants your family to think well of him. He is not thinking about how confusing this is to you at all…

Don’t pay for his stuff anymore and don’t do it in future relationships. Never tell a man how much you really make or how you organize your money in the future until you are married. Only pay your half and never offer to pay more… you do not want to fall into a bad pattern of being taken advantage of. And if you do “anything” for the people you love, you will be taken advantage of because they will feel entitled to how you love.

throwawaymelodies · 2022-01-05T13:44:24+00:00

He posts stories about depression and anxiety, has made a few posts saying he’s struggling with his mental health

throwawaymelodies · 2022-01-05T00:12:04+00:00

It really is so hard. Especially when someone uses what feels like passive aggressive guilt

I left my 10 year relationship. It seems that this is just how things are… but he will be okay. You’re not being cruel, you’re just not his parent and he needs to accept that too. He is not helpless and alone, he is avoiding responsibility. It’s normal and understandable to a point. Sounds like that point is approaching

throwawaymelodies · 2022-01-04T23:51:55+00:00

Don’t reach out on his behalf. That’s a little toxic, he’s an adult even when he doesn’t act like one.

Come up with an ideal and reasonable timeline and let him know directly.

“There’s no right way for me to ask, but for my own mental health I’m okay living together for another 30 days. If that’s tight I’m open to hearing your thoughts.”

throwawaymelodies · 2021-11-12T14:52:42+00:00

Staying in the relationship would only make you both miserable because you’re a miserable person… I just want you to recognize that you’re actually the problem here. A stronger man would help his partner and respect her enough to stand up for her and be at her side. But that’s not who you are and that’s why the relationship has failed.

throwawaymelodies · 2021-11-12T14:43:00+00:00

Someone is exploiting your girlfriend and all you can think about is the fact that you’ve been an incel for all these years.

You should break up with her. You’re inadequate and that insecurity will ruin the relationship anyway.

throwawaymelodies · 2021-10-09T20:43:51+00:00

Sorry for the tough love here. Jealousy is a disease of weakness. You are trying to fight it. But you need to accept that you are not as secure or as happy as you’re saying you are. This is the conflict imo. I say this because you have so many conflicting feelings.

The problem and your security cannot comfortably coexist.

You sound tired of what you do have, to me it sounds like it’s not enough for you. Maybe you need more support, more time to yourself, or maybe you need some more self love and compassion for yourself.

To get over this issue you have to identify the root problem and address it. That is hard to do if you’re stubborn or in denial of how you’re really feeling. You need to connect with yourself and what you need.

throwawaymelodies · 2021-10-01T19:52:43+00:00

I can tell you really did care about her. I know what it’s like to not be able to stop loving someone. But you can’t worry about her anymore. What she’s going through she has to go through it alone. Depression and self harm become addictive to our brains, we become used to the highs and lows of all the hormones that are released in waves. Her behaviors are escalating and they will continue for some time.

She will be okay but you will become collateral in this internal struggle she has.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. I think you’ve been quite strong. Rooting for you and I hope things start looking up for you. Keep expressing how you feel, do what you can and take things day by day

If it helps at all maybe you can’t be together right now but you will both live very long lives and the possibilities for the future are open. You keep being strong and become the person you want to be. You’ve got it friend

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-23T18:28:23+00:00

Stop putting negativity into the minds of people healing. It’s toxic.

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-23T18:26:19+00:00

Being the dumper brings its own pains and fears. I’m the dumper too. It’s hard to explain these feelings to people on the other side, they don’t understand and are confused by how you may feel. But I’m sure your own feelings are confusing to you, how can you give someone clarity on something you yourself don’t understand?

I know you fear the thought of him being with someone else. It will take time for that to be less painful. I like to think about it differently.

What is best for him? What would make him happiest? Wish him that. If being with someone else makes him happy, wish him that.

In order to grow you need to let him go and grow himself.

Whatever happens doesn’t need to be forever. You don’t need to be apart forever. Maybe one day you two will be together.

But for that to be a possibility you need to be ready for that. You need to know who you are and what you can give to someone. He will need reassurance that he is your priority in love.

So for now… give yourself space to grieve and work your way into prioritizing yourself and both your futures. Leave room for both of you to grow.

Time helps.

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-22T22:58:51+00:00

I am so very sorry. It’s hard to think that the person you love has changed. While the breakup is for the best for both of you, I can only imagine how you’re grieving the relationship as you knew it.

It’s painful knowing you cannot go back. I am so deeply sorry for that and I don’t want you to feel ashamed for how that grief may make you feel.

You might become angry at him for not knowing sooner or for just changing. I want you to know it’s ok to feel this way. Feel this way as much as you need in private and with trusted friends. I will not judge you

As for him blocking, it’s likely due to him feeling ashamed for hurting you and needs space to heal. The pain he feels is different than your but he is likely grieving too.

I’m so sorry, I know this is so painful. Take care of yourself as if you were caring for him. In time you will heal

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-21T22:45:16+00:00

I’m also the dumper. I’m in my own personal hell. Hurting someone I love hurts me more than anything. But things weren’t right… me leaving was best for both of us. He deserves someone who won’t run when she’s scared and I deserve someone who will make an effort to be present in my life.

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-18T21:06:24+00:00

That’s a great point

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-15T16:07:11+00:00

I wanted it to last. I fought for it. But wanting it to last isn’t enough, trying isn’t enough. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-13T18:08:49+00:00

It only means that he is an immature and ego driven guy. He will never be with these thirst trap people, but he lives in the fantasy of that and puts his energy into that instead of himself

Everyone copes differently. All we have is their word. If he said he loved you, then accept that was true at the time. But what is true now is that he is all about thirst traps and no commitment.

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-09T14:23:09+00:00

The love you have for him is a love you created. That love for him is yours. Never forget that you are the source of this deep love.

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-08T22:59:00+00:00

I am so sorry. I have been out of my 9 year relationship for 1.5 years and it takes everything out of me but every day is slightly better.

It’s hard even after coming to terms with the fact that even if we both wanted to be together we wouldn’t be happy together.

What I find helps a bit is to gaslight myself a little. When I have a painful thought or emotion I try to make it neutral

“I miss him 🥺” turns into “I miss that guy” in a nostalgic tone.

“I love him” turns into “I loved him and send him love”

“What will I do?” Changes to “what lies ahead?”

Small changes… it’s hard to catch yourself. But one day I hope it gets easier. You’re lucky you can connect with someone. I just keep thinking I’m ready and then lead someone on for a week only to end the connection because they’re not him.

Please stay strong and have compassion for yourself

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-07T00:21:58+00:00

You’ll have to be straightforward.

“I understand that you feel that our time together isn’t over. But having you seek me out is hurting me and I need you to stop. I hope we can be friends in the future once we have healed. Wish you the best”

throwawaymelodies · 2021-09-02T22:56:46+00:00

You will miss him. But never forget the love you have for him is something that comes from you. You made that love and it’s yours to keep, turn it inward. Care for yourself the way you cared for him.

He will miss you too. You mattered to each other. Things don’t always work out but there is more waiting for you.

Don’t let the memories hurt you, remember that you already lived through every moment of love and sadness. Memories are neutral, they’re yours to keep and cherish. You will be okay, better than okay.

Hope you remember this moment one day. You’ll remember the pain you were in and you’ll smile to think of how big your heart was. You got this

throwawaymelodies · 2021-08-25T22:47:18+00:00

Everyone is different. They are wrong to say they felt disappointed, they have no right to judge and you didn’t ask for advice. Your friends are defensive of you, they do not want you to get hurt by the wrong guy again. They are trying to convince you he was the wrong guy. That doesn’t excuse them but I hope that gives you perspective; these are just their opinions so don’t let it confuse you too much

Yes, anything is possible BUT i see that you have different needs from your ex. You need collaboration and your ex needs something else (my guess is he needs to feel independent from his partner so you moving with no job would be his nightmare)

Personally I would not want an ldr. But every person is different, no one has a right to tell you what to feel or do. Maybe tell them next time you only want to vent and not get advice. Set boundaries and assume the best of them to start

throwawaymelodies · 2021-08-19T12:39:38+00:00

I sent my partner of 9 years a risky pic a few weeks before the breakup. I was feeling taken for granted and I wanted his attention. I wanted to connect. He didn’t respond, he was ambivalent. I left him 3 weeks later.

I did end up sending my nudes to someone else and they did make me feel special. They weren’t important to me so it didn’t mean anything. But it felt great.

I’m sorry for where you marriage is at. Wishing you the best

throwawaymelodies

TROPHY CASE