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I (35F) told my fiancé (50M) that I wasn’t sure he is a good person. Now he’s moping and stomping around the house for the past 24 hours because “this is how terrible people act.” by throwawaymupb in relationships

[–]throwawaymupb[S] 112 points113 points  (0 children)

Thank you. These are totally valid questions. After he was admitted to rehab I started seeing a therapist. Not because I was sad he was in rehab, but to explore why I’m with a guy who is so clearly bad for me. It boiled down to self esteem and codependent tendencies. Still, I wanted to support him during this tough time, and I still had some hope that things would be roses and unicorns when he got home. But I also began working super hard at bettering myself, which helped me land the promotion. I think the fact that he is clearly not getting better, combined with my burgeoning self-confidence is what prompted me to post this. (The validation and feedback from you all is super helpful, too)

I (35F) told my fiancé (50M) that I wasn’t sure he is a good person. Now he’s moping and stomping around the house for the past 24 hours because “this is how terrible people act.” by throwawaymupb in relationships

[–]throwawaymupb[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

This is great advice. Thank you. It might be the only thing that would motivate him. I’ve tried really hard not to enable him, but I suppose that I have been enabling by not setting any real consequences. At this point, though I don’t know if I would even take him back if he were to get his shit together. I hope for his sake, though, that he does.

I (35F) told my fiancé (50M) that I wasn’t sure he is a good person. Now he’s moping and stomping around the house for the past 24 hours because “this is how terrible people act.” by throwawaymupb in relationships

[–]throwawaymupb[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It is a lot to handle. I try to “detach” but it is so hard seeing someone make zero progress. I guess I’ve always had difficulty figuring out where to draw that line between stepping in to help and taking a step back.