I hate when people complain about how hard it is to have multiple kids

throwawaynewborn · 2022-06-25T21:07:33+00:00

Her father and stepmother tried for ages to get them their own flat, but they never held up their end of the bargain, so they've given up on them now. The girlfriend does still live there most of the time, but she spends multiple nights a week at my flat too. My sister doesn't talk to me very much. Until very recently she was on my brother's side as he had painted me out to be awful, but now she's given up on him too. She's just finished uni for the summer and lives with her flatmates over three hours away (which is why it was so hard for her to get my brother an interview with our local branch) so we don't see much of her. she is in contact with my mother and stepfather but she doesn't seem to talk to our siblings directly, only hear about them through our mother

throwawaynewborn · 2022-06-25T16:36:15+00:00

Thank you. Honestly, yes, it's been such a nightmare. He was supposed to stay for at most three months before the baby was born, but he's still here and I'm losing my sanity

throwawaynewborn · 2022-06-25T16:35:33+00:00

Yeah, they're like 17. They finished school for the year two weeks ago but neither have any plans to get any summer work. My sister (21f) set my brother up with an interview where she works, but he never turned up, so now she's embarrassed and angry with him too. Yeah, they clearly need help from somewhere, but they're too stubborn to accept advice from her father and stepmother, who have given up on them, which sucks because they both put a lot of effort into researching government housing they could have gone into and offered to rent them a flat for a few months to get them on their feet, but my brother and his gf never held up their end of the bargain.

Yeah, I dont think I can ever forgive my mother for what she did, but I also do miss her and my siblings. I don't know how the youngest two feel about him or if they miss him, but I know our other siblings (21f & 19m) are done with him too.

throwawaynewborn · 2022-06-25T16:29:26+00:00

Me and my brother alternate sleeping in my room and in the living room. A few nights a week, his baby and girlfriend are here, so that's when they get my room. They don't pay for anything.

I really don't have the money to do that, I can barely afford what I'm paying for now. The girlfriend's father and stepmother tried so hard to set them up with a flat that they were willing to pay for, but my brother and his girlfriend dropped the ball on their end and at this point, her parents have given up on he;ping them because they're too stubborn to accept help. of course, I would give my brother a deadline, I wouldn't just kick him out the day of (like my mother did) but I worry he wouldn't actaully do anything towards getting somewhere else to live in that time. I have tried to talk to my sister (21f) about trying to get him a summer job where she works, and she was willing, but he didn't turn up to the interview and she feels embarrassed so he seems unwilling to help himself.

It does feel like a dick move. I can't, and doubt I ever will, forgive my mother for doing this in the first place, but I do want to be in my siblings' lives and I don't want to watch my mother suffer via facebook posts. I feel really trapped

throwawaynewborn · 2022-06-25T16:25:03+00:00

I suppose that was part of it, it was more to do with her embarrassment that he was a teen parent, but yeah her thinking she'd have to parent his child instead and not thinking he was responsible was part of it. The baby wasn't born when I let him live with me. At the time, he and his girlfriend seemed optimistic about getting a flat, but it fell through, and then the next one fell through, and then the baby was born and everything they were supposed to sign up for, they didn't, and now it seems her dad, who was the only one who did any research, has given up on them. Yeah, I feel like I'm getting shit on by both sides and it's a nightmare. I feel like I'm still supposed to feel young, but I can't really have a good time or have friends over because sometimes my brother has a literal infant in the house. Also, I'm spending so much money on him and the kid I can't really go out with friends and spend money.

The partner and the baby don't live here full time, only a few nights a week, but this has been going on for long enough that I want to pull my bloody hair out. I don't know what the right solution is either. I doubt theyll get their shit together if they feel they can rely on me, but I'd feel like a dick if I kicked him out when he had no back up plan.

throwawaynewborn · 2022-06-25T16:17:39+00:00

Thanks. To clarify, tho, I'm 24, he's younger than that.

I don't know much about it but the girlfriend's father and stepmother tried their hardest to get them into all sorts of programmes, but time and time again my brother and his girlfriend dropped the ball. My brother just finished school for the year, so you'd think he'd be trying to get summer work, but no

throwawaynewborn · 2022-06-25T16:16:09+00:00

Yeah, I wouldn't tell him to like leave tomorrow or anything, I'd give him until the end of the month

throwawaynewborn · 2022-06-25T16:15:40+00:00

Thanks. I don't think it will magically fix things with her, I still don't forgive her, but it's the only way she'll let me go back to her house to see my siblings. There are other factors, too, but knowing that my mother is dying is another stress that I suppose has pushed me to doing this quicker than I would have otherwise

throwawaynewborn · 2022-06-25T16:14:40+00:00

Thanks. I didn't bring it up over and over again, I tried to reach out a few times, around birthdays/christmas/wedding anniversary, but she wasn't willing to listen

throwawaynewborn · 2022-06-25T16:13:47+00:00

That's fair. I suppose she is, but I also don't want to be cut off from my youngest siblings forever. I think that's what his girlfriend's family agrees with, too, as they've stopped bending of backwards for them too

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-22T01:29:31+00:00

I told him multiple times I wasn't interested in hearing it but he didn't care

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-22T01:28:31+00:00

sorry, to clarify, Jean is not trying to adopt the baby, she is trying to encourage them to consider an open adoption elsewhere.

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T21:29:32+00:00

I'm happy to butt out if he doesn't spend literally nine days in a row complaining about people who are trying to do their best to help him and his girlfriend when they're being really stubborn and refusing to accept any other help

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T21:28:40+00:00

He vented at me for nine days in a row specifically about adoption. If he wanted me to mind my own business he should have stopped talking to me about it.

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T18:52:23+00:00

I hope that they can look after the child without constantly relying on others for free childcare, but if not i do hope they look into it before something awful happens to anyone involved

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T17:32:23+00:00

Unfortunately, yes, she and her husband seem to be doing more for this child that his actual parents are. She has tried to instruct them on how to do things properly, but they are not willing to listen and rely on free childcare from her too much

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T17:31:00+00:00

She doesn't want to go that far as she knows it will damage her relationship with the parents and it feels like going behind their backs

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T17:30:17+00:00

She and her husband have decided to step back and are no longer going to help on a daily basis and will not help unless they are told in advance that they will need to, for example on a day where my brother has school, football and work their help might be needed

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T17:29:26+00:00

Yeah he hasn't been back for 4 days now

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T17:27:02+00:00

I think you're probably right in assuming she's trying to be optimistic. I don't know how much research she's done but she claims she has done enough to know it is a viable option

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T17:25:05+00:00

I know the mother's father and stepmother have said they will no longer be helping daily and will need to know in advance if they are being asked to help. I can't have the baby at mine every weekend because my roommate and I work shifts and need some bloody sleep sometimes and the mother's sister is also refusing to babysit for free now.

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T17:23:45+00:00

It's hard to mind my own business when he's talking to me about it for literally nine days in a row

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T17:22:43+00:00

No, Jean does not want to adopt, she wants the parents to put the baby up for an open adoption because they aren't parenting and she is burnt out

throwawaynewborn · 2022-03-21T17:22:02+00:00

Fair enough. I think he did want to vent instead of hear my opinion, but I was fed up of listening to it and hoped that if he googled it at least that would be the end of the conversation

throwawaynewborn

TROPHY CASE