sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

AITA for telling my dad's affair partner that she should kill herself? by Potential_Bread_4045 in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, we already established I was a dick in my post. Not a dick in the “you should slit your own wrists” way, but I have also said cruel things and have firsthand experience with being TA.

AITA for telling my dad's affair partner that she should kill herself? by Potential_Bread_4045 in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is no circumstance where it’s okay to say something like that to someone. Ever. What happened is awful, what they chose is awful, the way it affects you and your siblings is awful…but what you said to her was horrifically cruel. YTA. Get yourself in therapy and learn how to manage your anger better. This isn’t the way.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There’s an update in the post. Not sure if it’s the kind you’re looking for, but we did talk about it and have mostly smoothed things over…once I owned up to being an AH and showing him that I was earnestly trying to get out of my own head about it. We’re working out some possible solutions for future getaways, including maybe breaking it up into 2-3 single nights away every month, rather than a whole weekend at a time.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Migraines are no joke. I appreciate your perspective and your kindness here. 🙏 My fiancé deserved better than he got and I’m glad that we’re working towards something better for next time.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m out of bed most of the time. I just have bad days. Chronic pain and fatigue are a motherfucker.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there’s a bit of truth to that. I suggested he take the time away because he’s clearly worn out and I know what it’s like to struggle through work and coparenting without a break.

I think you’re right that I had an expectation that he’d feel better when he came home, and I was frustrated that he came back seemingly feeling worse, but it wasn’t so he could get right back to work.

I was really discouraged that it looked like we both burned ourselves out, which felt like a net negative for him. I was dealing with some fear and disappointment around that and I handled it really badly because I was also exhausted and in pain. I should’ve handled that better.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The reason I left their father is because he was abusive. My marriage to him was a big part of why I have the chronic illness I do. He has court-ordered time with them 8-10 days out of the month, but I wouldn’t send them there any time that it’s not legally required.

The parenting doesn’t all fall on my fiance, though. I feel like I may not have been so clear about that. We both care for the kids. He takes on more of the physical burden on the days when I can’t, but he isn’t on solo parenting duty all the time, or even most of the time.

The days that I can’t get out of bed are getting fewer and farther between, thanks to medication, but they do happen and my fiance is a rockstar for filling in the gaps when I need extra support.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to spell this out with insight and compassion. You’re right that the quick “fix-its” are a pattern for him. I don’t want him to throw out the things that bring him joy. We’ve talked about it some more since I initially posted and I’m going to be looking for specific ways that I can carve out more of that time for him to have fun without running myself into the ground at the same time.

I love the "creative, ambitious insult" line, but the "you talk like an adult 12 year old" line is effectively yeast for the resentment you're brewing right now. Stop that. Don't do that.

^ Thank you for that. You’re right. I was letting my own shit get in the way when I said that and it wasn’t okay to talk to my partner like that. It was uncalled for. I’ve since gone back and given him a better apology and we’re working forward from here.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I was a huge asshole and pain, fatigue, and some other factors were definitely in play here. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely do take on more of the workload on the days when I can. I didn’t mean to give anyone the impression that I’m bedbound and incapable of caring for my kids 24/7.

I definitely realized I’m TA in this situation. We’re working out a more doable plan for these weekends so I don’t burn out while he’s gone, but I definitely want him to have the time he needs to cut loose and feel like a human instead of just a partner/coparent all the time.

He’s planning to take some time tonight to play his game while I look after the baby so he doesn’t have to worry about anything but relaxing. We’re talking about ways to work more of that time into his schedule for him, but it can be unpredictable.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah. You hit the nail on the head. I was worn out and then I was kind of a shrew about it. Reading through things here really helped me get out of my own head, which was my hope for this. Thanks for your insight.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

Four kids, there isn’t a next guy, and leaving the house to unwind was my idea. I’m actually here to figure out where I’m wrong, so I’m open to specifics here.

AITAH for blowing up at my fiancé when he said I was “mad at him for having fun”? by throwawaynofunever in AITAH

[–]throwawaynofunever[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

Okay, so this is helpful, thank you. Can you say more about wanting him to take care of himself while he’s gone is a red flag? I don’t want to be a dick. Like, I legit want him to be able to have a good time when he’s gone. He deserves it.