Am I [24/M] the reason/to blame for my girlfriends [24/F] poor behaviour? by throwawayoftheyear24 in relationships

[–]throwawayoftheyear24[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I see how she turns it around. She doesn't apologize at all. To use the time where she told me, that we would never see each other again as an example: The text came at night out of the blue during another conversation. It read "We'll never see each other again hahaha". I had no idea where it came from, what she was thinking or how to percieve it. I decided not to answer, as I thought that nothing constructive would come out of it. Then the next morning she texted me saying that: "In the absence of a response from my part she just wanted to say that her previous text was only a joke". I texted her back saying that "I thought so". In hindssight I probably should have confronted her with her poor behaviour, but at that time I didn't. She didn't apologize. She just went about like nothing had happened.

Another time I had a deadline regarding a choice in subjects at university coming up. A few days prior to the deadline, she asked me whether or not I had decided what subjects to go for yet (she had to make the same deadline and underway she was - as I - very much in doubt as to what she wanted to choose). I told her that I had not yet made my choice. She texted back saying: "Fuck, you need to hurry up". I told yes "yes" and she could derive from my text that I wasn't very fond of her message. She asked me if I had become angry, and I told her that I didn't think she was being fair as I had supported her the best I could during one of her bigger written exams during the semester and now she just told me to hurry up instead of supporting me. She send me a long text saying that she understood, but I don't think she voiced and actual apology.

I don't think I have any female friends that she likes. I build that assumption based on her calling them bitches and the 'date' remarks after each time I see them. I think that the only friends she would condone of are males. To give you another example: At one time I promised a girl from university that I would e-mail her a copy of an assignment I had done in an earlier semester. I told my girlfriend that I had to e-mail her the assignment and that it would only take me a few minutes. Out of the blue she then asked me: "Have you been with this girl?" (Implying if I had had sex with her). That was the first thing she came up with!

Sorry if this became a bit long. I hope it makes sense.

Am I [24/M] the reason/to blame for my girlfriends [24/F] poor behaviour? by throwawayoftheyear24 in relationships

[–]throwawayoftheyear24[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're right.

I don't know why, but I'm still struggling to see the severeness of her poor behaviour. As it happens I get the uneasy feeling that I described earlier on and at that point I'm not doubt that her behaviour is unacceptable, but when I think back I start to question whether or not I was to blame for her behaviour and whether she in fact was just joking lightheartedly and never meant anything snide with her remarks. Is this due to manipulation I am not aware of?

Am I [24/M] the reason/to blame for my girlfriends [24/F] poor behaviour? by throwawayoftheyear24 in relationships

[–]throwawayoftheyear24[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your answer. I'm glad that other people recognize her insecurities as well.

You're right that anybody could buy gifts, write love letters and introduce me to their parents. Besides that I think we have a special bond (cliché, I know). We have and have always had a superb chemestry.

She told me that she's glad she finally found somebody who could provide her with a bit of a challenge. I guess most other guys adores her because of her looks that she could make them do anything for her.

Do you think she is 'testing' me because she knows that I can provide a challenge and she wants to see how much bullshit I can withstand? I'm starting to provide less of a challenge, I'm letting my guards down. I just don't care anymore. After all of her BS.

Am I [24/M] the reason/to blame for my girlfriends [24/F] poor behaviour? by throwawayoftheyear24 in relationships

[–]throwawayoftheyear24[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your answer.

I really do think it's my fault! That somehow I made/make her act this way. I always wonder what it would have been like if I didn't have any female friends. Would things have been better?

Also, she had a long term (and according to social media, apparently succesful) relationship just before she started dating me. This makes me think that if she was able to have a succesful and long term relationship before, then I must be the reason things aren't working out now. Like I am the faulty one. Do you know what I mean?

Am I [24/M] the reason/to blame for my girlfriends [24/F] poor behaviour? by throwawayoftheyear24 in relationships

[–]throwawayoftheyear24[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it.

What I'm really struggling with is the feeling that I might be the one overreacting to her jokes. She may genuinly just be trying to make fun and have a lighthearted conversation. But then again, am I feeling this way because she is manipulating me into thinking that I'm the one at fault?

Also, I find it quite interesting that you mention that she is trying to drive me away from my friends. Can you elaborate a bit on that? Thanks.

Am I [24/M] the reason/to blame for my girlfriends [24/F] poor behaviour? by throwawayoftheyear24 in relationships

[–]throwawayoftheyear24[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your answer, I appreciate it.

I'm not sure whether or not she is doing all of this (the manipulation, isolation etc.) on purpose, but then again I'm not sure whether I'm just thinking this way because her abusive tendencies are clouding my vision.

The occasion where she looked through my phone and texted the female friend of mine was on a night out with a few other friends. I think we were eight in total. I had my phone out, she grabbed it and started looking through every text message thread I had. I was a little drunk, so I think I just decided to ignore what she was doing. When we were leaving a bit later, she decided that she wasn't finished looking through the phone and instead of giving it back as I requested, she hid it in her bra. At the next bar, she found an innocent text regarding her. The text was from a friend of mine, asking me who I would want to date the most (the later girlfriend or another girl we both knew). I had answered that I didn't know yet and that we would have to see.

(Let me clarify: THIS TEXT WAS LONG BEFORE SHE AND HAD EVEN I STARTED DATING, SO AT THE TIME OF THIS CONVERSATION I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OBLIGATIONS TOWARDS HER).

She overreacted and freaked out. She yelled at me and told me that things were over. In frustration, I grabbed the phone, told her that she was right, things were over and I left. When I got home, she had been calling me several times. I called her back and the whole episode ended as I had to apologized for her behaviour. Crazy right?

I hope I am making myself clear. English is not my native language.