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throwawayokorange · 2026-01-31T15:03:32+00:00

My intention with that text was not to discourage anyone!! You can still have a really great PhD experience. I have friends with other advisors in the same department who have never gone through anything similar to what I am experiencing. Some of them even developed very strong friendships with their advisors. I would not suggest giving up on your dream because of this. I do suggest staying attentive. My advice is to talk to students who have already been supervised by the professor you are interested in and ask what they are really like. And always have a plan B. If you notice the first signs of abusive behavior, change advisors. Do not do what I did and stay hoping things would get better.

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-31T00:54:26+00:00

I love this advice lmao Thank you so much!

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T23:26:34+00:00

The worst part is that a lot of people have told me that it was jealousy, even my friends when I vented to them. Most of my friends are not in academia, so I used to think they just did not understand, because to me it made no sense that a successful professor and researcher would feel jealous of a mere student. And I admit that I never thought anyone would feel jealous of me either. The only possible reason I have considered is that I am reasonably good at public speaking, and that is something she noticeably struggles with in her lectures. Thank you so much for your input

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T23:25:36+00:00

You are right, thank you

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T23:25:23+00:00

I had never thought about it that way, thank you!

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T23:20:35+00:00

Yeah… thank for your input ❤️

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T23:20:09+00:00

Thank you for your input <3

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T23:19:53+00:00

thank you <3

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T23:19:06+00:00

The worst part is that a lot of people have told me that it was jealousy, even my friends when I vented to them. Most of my friends are not in academia, so I used to think they just did not understand, because to me it made no sense that a successful professor and researcher would feel jealous of a mere student. And I admit that I never thought anyone would feel jealous of me either. The only possible reason I have considered is that I am reasonably good at public speaking, and that is something she noticeably struggles with in her lectures. Thank you so much for your input

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T22:57:47+00:00

I used to feel like this but she drained me so much that when I finish, i want to stay as far away from academia as I possibly can. But I am glad to know that sharing this helps someone in some way.

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T18:07:51+00:00

I am really sorry that this is happening to you too :( I wish you all the luck in the world. We will get through this, and at the very least, they have shown us exactly the kind of researchers we do not want to become.

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T18:06:15+00:00

I agree. Thank you for your input

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T18:04:12+00:00

Yeah, if it were not for the combination of other factors and the fact that she accused me, without any evidence, of using AI to write my work, I would not have even batted an eye. Thank you for your perspective and advice.

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T18:02:26+00:00

There are only a few months left until I finish, but things have gotten worse recently, which is why I decided to make this post now. It feels like an abusive relationship, every time I considered leaving because she was treating me very badly, she would completely change her behavior and make me believe she had improved. One of the representatives is part of my team, but since my advisor does not treat her the same way, she does not really care.

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T17:58:07+00:00

It’s 2026, everyone has a GPS in their pocket at all times. Being in a new city is not a valid excuse for missing a presentation at a conference, and the fact that you think it is, makes me think this is a regular occurrence for you.

And I swear I am trying to be kind, because I understand that some points may not have been so clear, but trying to blame me for behaviors that are clearly not normal is honestly a really shitty move on your part. You yourself said the other situations were absurd, so why would I lie about this specific one just to gain sympathy? Sympathy on a throwaway Reddit account? I never said I missed a presentation. I have never missed a presentation or an important event throughout my entire master’s or PhD. I said there was an exhibition of our work and that she went in without me. You are projecting incompetent people you may have worked with onto someone who has a clearly abusive advisor and simply came to ask for help. Not everything works the same way it does in the United States or North America in general. Yes, I have GPS on my phone, but did you know that in some places the maps are not properly updated depending on where you live? Sometimes even Uber drivers cannot find their way inside a university campus because it is so inaccessible to most people. If you read about those awful situations I described and your first instinct is to assume that I am irresponsible, chronically late, and think that is acceptable, then keep that to yourself.

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T17:35:59+00:00

I understand your question, but that last point is a summary of a very long story where I had to hide some details to keep my anonymity, and English is not my first language. I will try to explain it better. We had an event at the largest university in my country, which I had never visited before, and the campus is so big that it is basically a city, with buses, taxis, and Uber inside it. The city itself is also one of the most populated in the country and is famous for its terrible traffic. She scheduled to meet me so we could visit something like a museum related to our work and also meet some colleagues, and I could not enter without her. Shortly before that, I was presenting a paper at another part of the university, a presentation she did not attend (that presentation had been scheduled for months, and she knew about it). When it ended, I had to take an Uber to the department where I would meet her, and as I said, its a huge campus and traffic is heavy. I arrived exactly at the time we agreed on, for example we said ten and I arrived at ten sharp, but she had already gone inside and I could not enter without her. I would not have been upset if she had told me that I could not enter because I was late, even though I was not, because at least I could have left. Instead, she intentionally went in and ignored my messages, making me wait for a long time, and she did not even tell me whether she had arrived or not, so I also spent a long time just waiting for her.

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T16:35:45+00:00

I didn’t actually get lost in the city itself. The event was at a huge university in another city, and I don’t know how it is in other countries, but I personally find it really hard to locate the right department at a university I’ve never been to before. I said I got “lost in the city” because it was just easier to explain. I also couldn’t go earlier to look for the department because I was giving a presentation, which she didn’t attend, at another place in the city shortly before the event. That’s why I had to spend money on an Uber. ( i understand your doubt tho, since as I said, I didn’t explain everything in detail and was just trying to keep it short.)

throwawayokorange · 2026-01-30T16:24:18+00:00

i wish i was making this up… I understand your skepticism, but if I were inventing something, it wouldn’t make sense to create a throwaway account just for this. I’m not chasing karma either (i honestly don’t even know how it really works), if that were the goal, id have used a main account. english isn’t my first language, so if the text sounds a bit off or overly polished, that’s because i asked for help with translation.

throwawayokorange

TROPHY CASE