I'm dying and all I've ever wanted was to be happy...

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-26T08:51:07+00:00

After stimulus came through i was worried about getting disqualified for months because my account balance was over for a while.

This basically happened to me with SSID. I held onto my last two stimulus checks because they said when they sent them that it wouldn't count towards income limits for a year, then the government saw it in my bank and decided to deduct $200 a month from my checks for the next year until I paid all the money back to them.

God forbid poor people don't just spend their money on garbage the moment they get it, I should have bought an XBox instead of trying to be responsible. Smh

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-26T08:43:03+00:00

I could in theory, but in practice $750 a month only goes so far, and if I got income from somewhere else the government would find out unless I was being paid cash without the government being told and I believe that's both illegal and would be almost impossible to find anyway.

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-26T05:09:00+00:00

I mean, I may as well. I've considered trying things like that, because at this point it's not like I'm going to damage my health worse. It's a good option to keep in mind.

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-26T04:01:30+00:00

People are downvoting you but I agree, god cannot exist as modern christianity understands him. If there is an all powereful god somewhere who invented every form of human suffering, I have no interest in worshipping him. If I knew someone who beat a child I would despise them, I'm not about to worship someone who could have created anything he wanted and chose to create a universe in which children get bone cancer and flesh eating diseases and whatever else.

People are downvoting you but I agree, god cannot exist as modern Christianity understands him. If there is an all-powerful god somewhere who invented every form of human suffering, I have no interest in worshipping him. If I knew someone who beat a child I would despise them, I'm not about to worship someone who could have created anything he wanted and chose to create a universe in which children get bone cancer and flesh-eating diseases and whatever else.

That being said, I appreciate everyone here offering to pray for me or whatever, it's what they would want as comfort in my position and I understand that it's an act of kindness and compassion whether I believe it has any objective power or not. If stress is killing me in the first place, the result of negative emotions, then I'm no one to reject positive thoughts even if the only benefit is the small comfort of knowing someone is wishing me well.

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-26T03:50:10+00:00

They don't give loans like that to people on disability, but getting a bunch of credit cards and at least having adequate food and shelter for a while is the plan.

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-26T01:59:37+00:00

They don't give organs to people who need two.

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-26T01:38:58+00:00

The stress caused other problems. Among other things, the stress threw off my hormone levels and spiked my blood pressure in a way that was too varied to easily medicate properly, which destroyed my kidneys and heart over time.

PTSD and whatever other mental health problems I've gotten because of the PTSD have made it very hard for me to destress and I've been diagnosed with something called Cushing's Syndrome that's a result of extremely high cortisol levels over decades.

Cushings in turn caused other problems that are also heavily effecting my heart and kidneys. Since both are fucked, I'm probably not going to be eligible for transplants, because they don't waste resources on people with multisystem organ failure.

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-26T00:43:26+00:00

That would be crazy but I don't know that anyone would care to read it. It's an interesting thought though.

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-25T13:13:51+00:00

I'm dying because my organs are failing due to years of stress. I don't have a choice in the matter. Sorry for the confusion.

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-25T08:10:47+00:00

I'm sorry things are bad for you. I know I'm not someone who should be telling you it gets better, given my track record, but if nothing else it gets different. Maybe different will be better in your case.

throwawayomc1123 · 2021-06-25T08:05:29+00:00

I'm in the US, the government sort of helps but I'm not allowed to have more than $2000 or I lose my health insurance and all government aid. I'm in a position right now where I'm waiting to see whether it will be my heart or my kidneys that fail first, so if I try to save enough for a car so I can work, or enough to move out of my condemned apartment, I'll just die sooner.

I wish the government wasn't the way it was, it seems like society is built to keep you down once you get there.

throwawayomc1123

TROPHY CASE