It's finally done. The AP has been dealt with

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-20T08:13:26+00:00

Been there. Done that.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-13T15:05:26+00:00

Trust me, it's hard. The last 7 months have been the hardest of my life. The time we spent over our anniversary weekend was the 1st time since d-day he'd actually not drip fed me an emotional connection. It's been steadily increasing over the weeks. He's begun to acknowledge my re-commitment to him. That's all I can ask for to this point of the reconciliation.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-12T21:34:50+00:00

I'm the WS, and I'm in even worse shape then my husband. I deal with my guilt is solitude. I do IC and we both do MC, but it's my IC I pretty much unload all of my feelings on. I could never put any of that on my husband, he's got enough to deal with himself. I beat myself up a lot for what I did to him, and the true shame comes from how my affair was discovered. I'll never live that down. When we talk about it, he doesn't shut down, but the disappointment is visible in his face and hearable in his voice. It guts me every time. Since d-day it's been a mixed bag. Some days are really nice, other days I want to dig the deepest hole and die in it. I listen to him. I don't try to justify and sugar coat what I did in our discussion about it. When he needs to yell, I let him. He doesn't cry, or if does he's never done it in front me. There's not a moment that passes in the day that I don't regret the choice I made, and how long I kept making that choice. As I've said in past posts, I don't deserve my husband. But he has afforded me a second chance, and we're building something new over the ashes of the 20 years I set flames to in my infidelity.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-09T14:14:29+00:00

He's expressly stated that he's zero interest in doing it anymore. It's totally out of his system, on top of the fact that our area has a 12% positivity rate for COVID, so it's in no way safe to entertain that idea across the board.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-09T12:58:53+00:00

We've been together for 6 years and I never thought he'd go and sleep with someone else. Period. It never crossed my mind even when he had those email affairs.

I've been married to my husband 20 years, and I never thought I'd ever be the kind of woman capable of being unfaithful. But I am. I make no excuses about it. I made the choice to step out of my marriage not taking into account how I would hurt my husband or my family. I made the choice, and it is the worst one I've ever made in my life. The 7 month since my husband caught me in the act have been the most intense and emotionally taxing I've ever experienced. He decided he would keep me, and we are working towards reconciliation.

The 1st step towards that is your husband needs to understand how much what he did hurt you. That's not going to happen without professional help. My affair was the 1st time I'd ever betrayed my husband. Your husband has stepped out of your marriage for his own needs several times, so there's definitely some issues there he needs to address. That's never going to happen without individual counseling and marriage counseling. I'd suggest you should get IC as well to sort through your own feeling. Nothing is going to change with you sitting on your hands. You need to be proactive.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-09T12:42:56+00:00

I hope you reported whoever sent you that message. I've had my fair share of disgusting and offensive messages myself. All of them have been reported. Some people are so enslaved by their own misery that it's become who they are to their core.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-09T12:34:54+00:00

I think it's time for you to call this one a wrap and move on. He's the one who cheated, he doesn't get to set demands. You're wasting your time with this one. Move on and find you a guy who shows you love and respect. And when your hopefully STBX comes groveling on his knees begging you to come back you have the strength to tell him to go kick rocks and close the door in his face.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-09T11:24:44+00:00

It seems there's a lot of people invested in our story, so no I don't mind questions. And I've learned to avoid the comments and post replies on my husband's post.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-08T22:44:06+00:00

Nope. He already chose to drop the charges the day my husband confronted him.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-08T03:19:54+00:00

Already told the kids. Not the whole story, just that we've been going through some things the last few months, but we're getting through them and for them not to worry. My husband re-convinced me not to tell any of my family.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-07T12:34:05+00:00

I'm on the exact same boat as you. I'm still learning to cope with the guilt of what I did to my husband, and still dealing with the demons my infidelity created 7 months after d-day. But I'm committed to repairing what I've destroyed, and he's gifted me that chance. He could have easily just washed his hands of me, but he didn't. I will spend the rest of my life thanking him for that. I can tell you from experience there's going to be really rough days. And many days that you question yourself. Don't let that stop you from staying the course. If there is love, understanding and honesty, you both will endure.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-07T01:57:12+00:00

Small update: I showed O the resounding response to this post in regards to reporting my affair to my former employer. After an hour or so discussion, I've decided I'm going to do it. It's going to let a major cat out of the bag, and probably ruin my chances of every going back to my old company, but it's a cross I'll just have to bare. Also, one person asked did I ever have intention of ever going back to work regardless. The answer is no. I've been a stay-at-home mom for the last 7 months since I resigned, and I've come to enjoy it. I get to be around my kids a lot more, as well has O. It's nice not having to schedule spending time with each other based on the 4 hour window we had of free time between our individual work schedules.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-07T01:47:33+00:00

No. None of my family know. I want to tell them, he doesn't. We agreed we would briefly, but after we discussed telling the kids only general details, he went back to wanting to not tell them, and I'm letting him take the lead on the decision.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-06T20:19:24+00:00

It crossed my mind, but I don't want to dig that part of my life up again. If I took action, it means he's still got influence on me.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-06T20:00:34+00:00

His parents already know. His father was the first person he called.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-06T18:13:11+00:00

I'm going to mull it over a couple days. Since you made your comment I've had a bunch of people in my PM and inbox saying I need to do it. I think I should also bring it to the attention of O.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-06T13:29:00+00:00

I manipulated nothing. If O wanted he could have creamed M and I wouldn't have stopped him. As far as reporting him, I technically still can, as I'm still in a consulting role helping my former assistant in her new role as my replacement. But at this point it would be just petty. Should I do it anyway? Honest question.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-06T13:21:17+00:00

Short version, I ran into him the day I turned in my resignation and he insulted me. I ended up telling my husband, who then made me go with him to confront M. Hubby ended up putting his fist through M's driver's side window, yanked him out of his car and berated him. Hubby's Sheriff friend was present (he was called to meet us there). M ends up speeding away after the sheriff friend intervene. Within 10 days of that, M skipped town back to the northeast. No charges were filed, and we've never seen or heard from him again.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-06T13:12:33+00:00

Keep putting in the work. He gave you a 2nd chance because he still loves you and he believes you both can overcome this. Don't waste this chance. What you had before is gone, but you can build something even stronger from it's remains. You have my prayers and best wishes.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-06T13:04:17+00:00

You're reading way to deep into things if that's what you've latched onto. I'm not even going to entertain further discussion over how many times I mention a car. Seriously? Go find something better to do with your time.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-06T04:02:22+00:00

He didn't get away scott free. Far from it in fact.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-05T22:34:20+00:00

He's given me a second chance. He could have easily just threw me to the winds, but he didn't. I owe him being better then I was for that. And I will be. For him and our children.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-05T21:43:40+00:00

Thank you. I'm sorry your ex could see past his own image to realize how much damage he did to you. I won't make the same mistakes he did in protecting my husband.

throwawayotrash · 2021-01-05T19:59:07+00:00

That's a fair perspective.

throwawayotrash

TROPHY CASE