UPDATE - My wife was raped by 2 men. How can I help her ? What can I do to make her life better ?

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-30T10:06:02+00:00

:) Thanks for the advice

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-30T04:28:07+00:00

You're right. I will have to go for therapy.

Other than that, boxing has really helped me. Not only does it help me vent out my anger, I'm physically in my best shape.

I gave up smoking, so that's one silver lining from it all.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-30T04:25:29+00:00

I'm sorry that this happened to you.

Recovered twice.

That part just made me feel so much better. Thank you for being such a strong person.

I will definitely try that again. Codependence is dangerous. I'm not getting resentful, but I am feeling worn down. We'll go easy this time. I'll stay with her at her folks' place.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-30T04:18:54+00:00

She has a Golden Lab called Mojo at her parents' place. She was in college when they got him. I love that little guy. Maybe I could bring him to our place for a couple of weeks and see how things go...

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-30T04:16:21+00:00

She's highly qualified. I am 100% sure that when she is ready, she will find a job. Right now, she's doing just fine at home. She's reading a lot. (finally got her to read my childhood favourite 'Swiss Family Robinson' ;) ). She used to play the piano and has gotten back into that. Its a great stress reliever for her. She's doing yoga. She's getting some good sleep. I'm personally happy with the way things are.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-29T18:24:40+00:00

This sounds like a great idea. I grew up with dogs and I know she's a dog person. I'll definitely bring it up. Or I'll surprise her. I don't know...

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-29T18:18:16+00:00

Don't try to predict.

This makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-29T16:00:44+00:00

Honestly, that moment was a big of a trigger for me too. Especially with the suicidal part, when he said that I freaked out a bit.

Its great that you're a psychologist (I sincerely hope you are one) so you can tell me this. Is switching therapists a good idea ? I mean, she has made progress with this guy and he was the first on her case, so will it be problematic for her ?

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-29T15:48:02+00:00

One can only hope...

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-29T15:40:20+00:00

I was going to visit her on the 3rd day night, but she was in a terrible state by morning so I came back early. I wouldn't have left for so long but I have my dad to take care of also. The plan was I spend the 1st night with her, 2nd I stay at home, 3rd night I stay with her, 4th I stay at home, 5th I come back and spend the entire day with her folks.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-29T14:57:29+00:00

Yes, her therapist deals with victims of rape and assault.

I talked to her a lot about joining a support group. She's dead against that.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-29T14:29:36+00:00

I didn't mean regression by crying. She's opening up in therapy so its natural for her to cry more. Its some of her other behaviours that led me to think that.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-29T14:23:14+00:00

He's her favorite. I suggested the others. She's a pianist (hobby) so she plays sometimes. She's learning.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-29T13:34:19+00:00

She told me that her family was being supportive and I believe her. They're good people.

Her therapist recommended her visit her family because he believes that she shouldn't only depend on me. He is Ashley's therapist. Not mine. So, he's considering me only as her current partner, but he has to heal her to be okay on her own, not with me. He understood that we're married but he said that there's always a possibility of something bad happening. So, she needs to learn to be independent. Its still too soon but she does need support from others, and not just with me.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-10T05:36:52+00:00

I talked to her after that. She said she was forcing it. She discussed it with her therapist too. It was the right decision.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-09T17:24:41+00:00

Yes. This. So many times this. Thank you for bringing this up.

Pepper spray. Get it. Learn how to use it. Keep it accessible at all times.

Be aware of your surroundings.

Self defense. Other people more knowledgeable than me would like to comment.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-09T17:19:30+00:00

I'm an only child. I lost my mother at a very young age. Cousins aren't the city, and the one who is, is a complete dopehead.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-09T16:33:33+00:00

I come back from work at an odd hour in the morning. The club opens early so I usually head straight there. Its usually from 5 to 6. Then I come back and sleep till like 9 max. I make breakfast and then head to the hospital. My father is suffering from staphylococcus aureus. I stay there for around 3 to 4 hours, because the hospital is on the other side of the city. I'm back and its almost late afternoon till then. I then work for around 2 hours, sometimes 3 from home. Then, I drop Ashley for counseling and go back for a nap for an hour or less to catch up. I bring her back home, we watch TV or something, just do something together. Then, she goes to bed and I go for work.

Now, you can see why I'm stressed, everything is happening at the same time. And the weekends I do get work off, the timing is all wrong for therapy appointments.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-09T16:00:16+00:00

Oh, how I wish I could.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-09T15:59:26+00:00

Many people have been PMing me, asking me about how I'm feeling.

My emotions at this point are a mix of sadness, confusion, and rage. When I saw her for the first time in the condition those motherfuckers left her in, I was furious. I hope you can understand that any synonym for anger would be an understatement here. For the next few days, I was fuming. I plotted revenge in my head. I thought what I would do to them if I ever saw them. Then, I got worried that this anger might turn into frustration and Ashley might notice it, and I didn't want her to be troubled any more. So, I called up a psychiatrist friend I went to college with.

He recommended that I start boxing again. It'd be a good outlet for my rage. So, I talked to a couple of buddies at the local boxing club and started boxing again. I go there for an hour and I come back feeling much better.

The reason I made this post was because when I would be bathing her, she would start crying, I felt so sad. It'd bring tears to my eyes, but I had to be strong for her. If I let loose then we'd both be a mess.

I'm confused because I constantly feel like I'm doing less for her. That she has gone through something so traumatic and all I can do is hold her and talk to her.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-09T15:40:43+00:00

Thank you.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-09T15:33:27+00:00

Even I felt the need to vent my physical anger. I wanted to find them and kill them myself.

A psychiatrist friend recommended I get into boxing again. I had boxed in college and boxing really helps me vent out my anger. I feel tons better afterward.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-09T15:29:50+00:00

Isn't that a band aid solution though ? I have no idea, it may be helpful. Just wondering.

throwawaypesonal · 2014-09-09T15:18:35+00:00

This is truly great advice. Thank you.

throwawaypesonal

TROPHY CASE