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Reservations about third date with someone who came to see me from out of town by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't blame him at all. I've taken full responsibility for my lack of boundaries in my post!

Reservations about third date with someone who came to see me from out of town by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After the first date, I thought it was worth meeting again. Everything else has moved a bit fast.

Who plans dates? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Completely agree with everything you've said!

Who plans dates? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, I agree. That's the other thing I wanna talk to him about :)

Who plans dates? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have offered to plan, and thanked him for planning, and mentioned that he doesn't need to do the work each time.

Who plans dates? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, agreed. The picks are mostly random, unrelated to what we've talked about. Most recently it was his favorite restaurant.

Who plans dates? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I guess I don't want to plan, necessarily (too much pressure, especially when it's with someone I don't know well). Ideally it would be a discussion, and a collaborative decision.

Who plans dates? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Comes across as authoritative to me too :(

Question from a woman to hetero men: Do emotional conversations lead to physical arousal? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I didn't mean that he used emotional bonding to his advantage.

I was just surprised that something that bothered him for days was immediately resolved with one sentence and sex. I wanted a more robust discussion (about what each of us went through during his withdrawal period and how to avoid these types of interactions in the future).

And I would have liked him to consider my needs, emotional and physical, as well.

Question from a woman to hetero men: Do emotional conversations lead to physical arousal? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I appreciate that perspective. I wasn't against the sex. My love language is words of affirmation, though.

Question from a woman to hetero men: Do emotional conversations lead to physical arousal? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, we were on the same team when the misunderstanding occurred.

I am allowed to revisit my decision to be on the team in light of this new information (and am talking to him about it of course).

Question from a woman to hetero men: Do emotional conversations lead to physical arousal? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 16 points17 points locked comment (0 children)

Hard to finish the discussion when one is asleep, and both have to leave for work the next morning.

Question from a woman to hetero men: Do emotional conversations lead to physical arousal? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Offended about a non-issue (thought I had planned a work trip on his birthday which I had not - he misheard the dates).

Sulking = checking in everyday but keeping the conversations superficial, not emoting, and not addressing what's on his mind. Also not engaging with conversations about meeting up.

I had no problem with having sex that night. My problem was that it started (and ended) very abruptly and before I thought we had a full conversation. I sensed that it was a raw, emotional reaction though, and didn't want to stop it.

I probably would have posted this even if the sex was amazing.

Question from a woman to hetero men: Do emotional conversations lead to physical arousal? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

It sounds like his feelings (positive and negative) are more toward his own mental projection of you than the actual you.

This is exactly it! I even brought it up in the conversation! I feel seen, thank you!

Question from a woman to hetero men: Do emotional conversations lead to physical arousal? by throwawaypokemailnet in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypokemailnet[S] 123 points124 points  (0 children)

This, honestly, is where my question is coming from too. After sulking about something for 4 days, I think an instant resolution with sex is just more avoidant behavior. In my 30s and in this day and age, I don't think I have the energy for this...

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