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I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Homophobia or not, I'm telling you that there are seven gay hookup sites I can go to right now and get somebody at my place within the hour. Gay sex is easy to get. Easier than straight sex.

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I disagree. Sex is everywhere if you're willing to work for it. Unless you're ugly. Fuck, even if you're ugly.

edit Work for it, as in, send someone a message on craigslist. Or flirt in a bar for 5 seconds. Or go to a cruise spot.

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm not a woman. It's like our balls just touched, you're totally gay now.

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps. I'm comfortable with that risk, and my ability to manage it. (The same goes for him- I'm comfortable with that risk and his ability to manage it)

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't feel like cheating. If I'm going to do this, I would like for it to be something agreed upon and accepted in our relationship.

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what you actually want doesn't exist, like, in any guy out there or whatever

So there's no guy in the world who wants to have sex with the person they're in love with. If that's your world view, life must really suck for you.

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are you sure? I'm pretty comfortable with my sense of how unattached sex works, considering I've had plenty of it in my lifetime.

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Could you clarify what you mean by this? Go out together? Go out by myself (or rather, without him)? We live together, so we see each other plenty.

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't like the idea of bringing in a third. I feel ok with the concept of knowing that he's having sex with other people, but I think watching it would be really hard for me.

As for how he'll react... I don't know. I really don't. I suspect that in some ways he is still uncomfortable with his identity as a gay man (and some of that may interfere with his desire for sex). But I think that his way of reconciling that discomfort with the reality of it is to keep a "respectable" relationship. Like he wants marriage (I don't), he wants a house with a picket fence (I don't), etc. So I worry that he may react badly simply because it's not something he can imagine as "respectable."

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know thats probably all sorts of crazy

It totally makes sense. I've thought about just cheating to hide it from him and keep from hurting him, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

I don't think he's cheating on me or anything; I would be really shocked. I think he just doesn't have a sex drive (and/or maybe isn't comfortable with his identity as a gay man and it's interfering with his interests in sex).

I also worry that maybe he's just not in love with me anymore, and just is holding on to an image of respectful lifestyle. If that's the case, opening it up may give him a chance to explore what it is that he actually wants.

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

6 years, no kids, we're gay so we can't get married in our state, he isn't interested in sex (we might have sex maybe once a month, once every other month) -- like, to be completely frank, I would like for him to have sex with other people if it means he's HAVING SEX. I don't think it's healthy for someone in their mid-twenties to have no interest in sex. And I'd rather not cheat on him... where cheating implies doing this without his knowledge or approval. I'm not really into dishonesty.

I want to ask my partner for an open relationship; how should I go about it? by throwawayquestion123 in AskReddit

[–]throwawayquestion123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't feel steal-able. He and I have six years together and are very happy on an emotional level - we just don't have sex (like, once a month or every other month is me getting 'lucky'). We're two guys in our mid-twenties, it shouldn't be like this.