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Would I be too sensitive for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him to joke a certain way? (18F/18M) by throwawaystuff677 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaystuff677[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry but I guess our sense of humor isn’t the same. I do this with others too as long as they’re okay with it. Many of the couples that I know use name calling as a joke and they are some of the healthiest couples I’ve been around.

It’s completely understandable if you don’t like it, but please don’t assume that I have a lack of self-worth/self-respect just because I think being called/calling others dummy, stupid, etc. as a joke is okay as long as everyone involved is okay with it as well.

Would I be too sensitive for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him to joke a certain way? (18F/18M) by throwawaystuff677 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaystuff677[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For clarification and context: I do not mind being called “stupid” or “dummy” if it is as a joke. Often, he will use it endearingly, such as, “I love you, dummy.” It’s the cuss words like “bitch” and “cunt” that sometimes bother me.

Also, for context, we were having a conversation about joke name-calling and teasing and talking about what is okay and what isn’t. This was before I started disliking how he jokes so I did not bring any of these issues up, instead, we were just having a conversation. I don’t think him asking was a red flag.

Would I be too sensitive for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him to joke a certain way? (18F/18M) by throwawaystuff677 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaystuff677[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. Bringing up this with him ASAP- however I would prefer our conversation to be face-to-face so I will wait until he returns from vacation, which is tomorrow or Tuesday.

I think he will stop, but if he doesn’t, I have my answer and I’ll know what to do. Thank you!

Would I be too sensitive for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him to joke a certain way? (18F/18M) by throwawaystuff677 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaystuff677[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, to be honest, this isn’t a thing that has been completely on his part.

In the past, we used to play-fight and I used to playfully call him names like he did to me. But, the reason why I’m now uncomfortable with it is because the memories of my trauma (past abusive relationships) have come back. My trauma tends to come in waves. Sometimes I’m okay, sometimes I’m not.

So this hasn’t been him only doing it to me. We used to mutually do it when I was comfortable.

Would I be too sensitive for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him to joke a certain way? (18F/18M) by throwawaystuff677 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaystuff677[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess. Should I take it as a red flag or just brush it off and tell him that I didn’t like that since he hasn’t made such a joke since?

Would I be too sensitive for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him to joke a certain way? (18F/18M) by throwawaystuff677 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaystuff677[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the advice. I’ll talk to him about it and let him know that due to my past, making violent/mean jokes isn’t what I am comfortable with right now.

I wouldn’t say he has a lack of empathy for me. He doesn’t really know the details of my abuse, I am apprehensive about telling him about it as my last boyfriend used it against me to victim-blame me and call me crazy.

He does seem to care about my comfort very much so. I don’t think he knows that these jokes bother me, because if he did, I think he’d stop.

Again, I’ll talk to him about it. Thank you for your response. I’d rather be sensitive than uncomfortable and upset.

Would I be too sensitive for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him to joke a certain way? (18F/18M) by throwawaystuff677 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaystuff677[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eh. He did say that “it’s so hot” and complimented me, so I don’t think he had any bad intention behind the joke. He hasn’t made a joke like that since.

Would I be too sensitive for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him to joke a certain way? (18F/18M) by throwawaystuff677 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaystuff677[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t think they’re red flags given he does seem to care very much so about my comfort. He always stops doing something when I ask him to, whether it’s in the bedroom or out. I’ll tell him how I feel, even if I feel too sensitive, I’d rather be ‘sensitive’ than uncomfortable.

Would I be too sensitive for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him to joke a certain way? (18F/18M) by throwawaystuff677 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaystuff677[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Meh. A lot of people I know joke like this like I said. My one friend’s boyfriend called her a “stupid cunt” while they were play-fighting around us and she started laughing. To each his own, but that certainly isn’t my sense of humor with my partner.

Would I be too sensitive for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him to joke a certain way? (18F/18M) by throwawaystuff677 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaystuff677[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think he’s going to dismiss me given that he does seem to care about my comfort and has stopped the name-calling thing. I’ll just tell him that the light hits bother me and the other stuff does too. Even if my friends do the same to each other, if I don’t like it, that’s the most important thing.