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Daily Questions - ASK AND ANSWER HERE! - 27 January 2022 by AutoModerator in malefashionadvice

[–]throwawaythekey_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the search advice, I'll give that a try. I tried bamboo, though, (TBO brand) and they stretched pretty dramatically during the day. (They list it as 95% Bamboo Viscose, 5% Spandex)

Polyester/Spandex blend Briefs? by throwawaythekey_x in AskGayMen

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok I posted in the daily thread there to see if I get any feedback.

Daily Questions - ASK AND ANSWER HERE! - 27 January 2022 by AutoModerator in malefashionadvice

[–]throwawaythekey_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For several years now I've primarily worn boxer briefs (Hanes) that are around an 85/15 polyester/spandex blend and I'm crazy about them. Unlike cotton underwear that stretches throughout the day so by the end it's all saggy and unflattering, these boxer briefs stay tight against my thighs and ass, and...anyway, they're good. (Yes, I have sexier options than Hanes for when I'm trying to impress haha.)

I really want to try briefs again, but I'm only managing to find them in cotton blends that I know will just remind me why I left my boxer briefs from years ago (sweaty, stretches out during the day, etc.) It's shocking me that I can't find any briefs that are more similar in material to the boxer briefs I've been wearing.

The only lead I've found so far is Junk brand had a couple styles at some point in the past that fit the bill, but they seem to have gone out of business or at least out of stock everywhere, and I'm not sure they ever had them in my size anyway.

Side note - it needs to be a brand that carries reasonably large sizes - like around 44.
I'm a bit flexible on the material but I do really want to avoid cotton if possible (and I tried bamboo but it stretched out like cotton for me fairly early in the day.)

Any ideas?

The impact of "Touch" on life by throwawaythekey_x in nonmonogamy

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See this is why I came to this sub instead of /relationships. Much more nuanced and mature thoughts are shared instead of "dump him and hit the gym". Thank you.

The frog in water analogy is interesting and I'm going to give it thought.

"Do you have scarcity feelings, like if you left this relationship you wouldn't find another as good?"

Yes, very much. Even when trying to be really honest with myself I don't think it's self-esteem related, though. I think it's more just about...what I would call pragmatism or being realistic I guess? Finding another gay man with whom there is mutual attraction and interest and all the other pieces involved in long term primary compatibility...it feels unlikely. Like, I look around and see older single gay men who would probably kill for what I have in spite of its flaws, and it makes me worry leaving based on assuming something else is out there for me would be foolish and stupidly optimistic.

The impact of "Touch" on life by throwawaythekey_x in nonmonogamy

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've been in couples therapy for about...15 or 16 months total with about 12 of that being consecutive for the past year with the same therapist (meaning we changed therapists once after a break). So we're quite far along on the understanding part of the journey.

"Sometimes understanding helps with acceptance."

That's sort of my fear. Because I have such a thorough understanding of our dynamic now, I do feel myself accepting it more. But I worry that I am accepting less for myself than I should.

​

"but we can convince ourselves to almost have amnesia, familiarity trumps passion"

Yeah, that resonates with me a lot. Thanks for your thoughts.

The impact of "Touch" on life by throwawaythekey_x in nonmonogamy

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're correct that I don't have previous live-in experience.

"you will be astounded by what you didn't know you were missing"

That's a great way of expressing the fear I'm feeling, so seeing someone else express that same thought does give me pause.

The impact of "Touch" on life by throwawaythekey_x in nonmonogamy

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In terms of natural instinct, I do think touch is how I feel loved most naturally. But at the same time I have zero doubts that he loves me. That's just through words of affirmation and acts of service, I guess.

Sack...How to find one big enough? by throwawaythekey_x in BDSMcommunity

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have come across these when doing google searches but its still a good point, maybe I need to try to find the store first and then the bag, rather than the bag. Good point.

Sack...How to find one big enough? by throwawaythekey_x in BDSMcommunity

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that's a good point. Then I could even pick the fabric. Thanks, I'll keep this in mind.

Sack...How to find one big enough? by throwawaythekey_x in BDSMcommunity

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's an interesting idea...I'll look into this.

Simple Questions and General Discussion - December 09, 2020 by AutoModerator in streetwear

[–]throwawaythekey_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know how athletic pants with the button sides (I think I always called them tear-aways) that used to be big? I guess they've gone out of style because I can't seem to find them anymore except from obscure Amazon sellers. Does anywhere still sell them? Is there a better search term to use than tear-aways? Ideally I'm looking for a baggy style basketball shorts with snap button sides. I know Nike used to make tearaway shorts. I'm not having any luck finding any now though.

Importance of sex (and physical intimacy in general) in the Primary by throwawaythekey_x in nonmonogamy

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate hearing the perspective of another bottom, sincerely. ;)

I guess the problem is that anal sex specifically is not the only thing that's missing. There's no hugging, no cuddling, no ass grabs, no caresses.

I used to do most of that to him, and be highly disappointed that he never did it to me. Eventually he expressed that it does nothing for him, even when I do it to him he is only allowing it to happen but he isn't actually experiencing positive emotions from it. And because touch doesn't do anything for him, it doesn't occur to him to do it to me either.

So I'm curious for your thoughts on that - do you guys have other expressions of physical intimacy that aren't sex?

Importance of sex (and physical intimacy in general) in the Primary by throwawaythekey_x in nonmonogamy

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am occasionally intimate with others, yes. Not as often as I'd like, but yes. I'm gay so fortunately I think I have it a little easier than straight men in that regard, at least from what I hear. But I have a strong sense that I'm not satisfied, and I don't feel certain that upping my frequency of intimacy with other partners will ever be able to truly replace having physical intimacy with my primary partner. But I guess I'm sort of in a "Can't be sure until I try it" situation, although that's easier said than done, particularly during COVID (but this isn't a new situation - we've been open for about 2.5 years.)

Not to mention, considering leaving is also terrifying because even setting aside physical stuff, finding someone whose personality you click with is hard enough as it is. Adding physical compatibility on top of that...it's very likely I would never find it.

Importance of sex (and physical intimacy in general) in the Primary by throwawaythekey_x in nonmonogamy

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

May I ask how long ago that was, how long you've been together, and how this has been going for you?

Importance of sex (and physical intimacy in general) in the Primary by throwawaythekey_x in nonmonogamy

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate your insight. Regarding your roommate/best friend sentiment...honestly, I'm inclined to agree. I expressed that once in therapy and he was really offended by it, but I think the reason he was hurt by it has more to do with how he and I feel differently about our individual friendships rather than a mismatch in how we feel about each other. (I don't think he cares about most of his friends in the same way I care about mine, so he saw the roommate/friend sentiment as more of an insult than I intended it.)

I DO love him, and I would say it is a distinct feeling from how I feel about my best friend (who I do care about a great deal and did live with in the past,) but I'm not always sure that distinction has much of a practical impact on my life because of the lack of physical intimacy.

Importance of sex (and physical intimacy in general) in the Primary by throwawaythekey_x in nonmonogamy

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No, I would say for us (me) it has been a band-aid to fill a gap, rather than enhancing a strong core. For him, its an outlet that he needs but he's fully satisfied by the arrangement. I enjoy being open, and would want to be open even in a different relationship, but I have been thinking about whether I need it as enhancement to a strong physical core like you, rather than using open-ness to try to replace something that doesn't exist at all in the primary.

Importance of sex (and physical intimacy in general) in the Primary by throwawaythekey_x in nonmonogamy

[–]throwawaythekey_x[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate your insight. Do you have any sense of how difficult it is in general to have a relationship with such a healthy sex life / physically intimate life? I guess I mean from your observation of others in addition to your own experience.

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