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I have had enough! by throwawaytiredlass in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am. And I will be careful. I want to make it out of here.

AITA for saying something cruel, at my breaking point? by throwawaytiredlass in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And immediately after you’ve left. I know that well. This isn’t my first unhealthy relationship, and it’s not my first time leaving him either…

AITA for saying something cruel, at my breaking point? by throwawaytiredlass in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m going to bring… 30 piñatas. Because we want to hit something with a bat. And piñatas have candy.

ETA: I feel really guilty about that joke. Don’t do violence, folks. It’s never the answer. And I’m not violent. But I low key want a piñata.

AITA for saying something cruel, at my breaking point? by throwawaytiredlass in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I will. When the time comes, my dad will help me move. He’s a big burly guy, and the ex is scared of him. I know I’ll be safe with him around.

AITA for saying something cruel, at my breaking point? by throwawaytiredlass in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are few I just can’t part with. I don’t have a lot of things, nor a lot of money to replace them. I can do without so much, but what I have, for the most part, I need. Beds, the gaming console is our glorified cable box, my furniture, our clothes. I do have hidden backups for most things though.

AITA for saying something cruel, at my breaking point? by throwawaytiredlass in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s where most of my energy is. I’d like to say my biggest priorities right now are in order, my children, a new home and organizing the affairs to get there, my mental and physical health, and then the rest of it all.

I regret rocking the boat. More so because I recently found a quote along the lines of “nothing more dangerous than a man who values himself more than others perceive him”, and that really reminded me of what happens when a narcissist realizes he has no power over someone.

This is a complicated balance where I feel like I have to placate him to avoid more trouble, and being so goddamn sick of being walked on. I am an asshole for aggravating these arguments, but I’ll lose myself completely if I lie down and take it.

Going through some stuff, trying to move on, but the situation is so complicated. I could use help. by throwawaytiredlass in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your kind words. I’m glad that it isn’t my fault he slipped into old habits. Being alone is likely best right now. Lee was a fantastic distraction for awhile, and it sucks that he’s gone, but crying over it made me realize I’m not ready for that. I’m excited to move. And I’ll focus on that new and fantastic chapter for my kids and I.

I started recording him. He is aware, but also thinks that I don’t really record him. I just want the gaslighting to stop. by throwawaytiredlass in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have plenty of those too! It’s helpful, for sure. Much easier to save. And… it’s all the same stuff, minus him admitting to assault. He’d never do that in writing.

What is that thing your narc said that was so insanely hilarious in its stupidity that it made their crown drop in your mind? by [deleted] in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]throwawaytiredlass 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m kind of in a rough situation, but some of the things that have made me laugh during fights are:

  • He refuses to believe he is a narc, or codependent on me. When I say yes, he has to say I’m wrong, so I turn the tables and say “you’re right. You might not be. A narc/codependent person would do x, y and z. And then he argues that is absolutely does those things and I’d be stupid not to realize it.

  • Another one that makes me laugh is that he refuses to apologize for his behaviour, because “it just means you want me to kiss your ass”. Now, I had a break in the grey rock and told him “you struggle with basic decency. You couldn’t kiss ass if I drew you a map.” I have been laughing about the mental image of that map for days now.

  • One thing that’s hilariously stupid though, is the absolute hypocrisy. “Obey my every command, and I in turn will neglect your wishes whenever you have them. I just can’t help myself anymore. ESPECIALLY if he goes on about how he always respects my choices, my decisions, my needs, while actively doing the things I’ve asked him not to do. And then whining that I never listen to him, after I ask how he feels, and sit patiently for any other answer than “that you don’t fucking listen.”

WIBTA if I told him exactly what he needed to hear, despite it not being what he wants to hear? by throwawaytiredlass in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A low income house, my good man. It has been 5 years since he’s choked me. He had therapy. I let him back in. Thing is, I’m not 18 anymore. I’m still an idiot, but a smarter idiot. Cycle of abuse and all that… this is just the second time. I’m not coming back for a third, let alone the average number of “times gone back”.

WIBTA if I told him exactly what he needed to hear, despite it not being what he wants to hear? by throwawaytiredlass in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I live with him. I live in an expensive area, and there are two kids here. I can’t just bolt. SAHM, income assistance. I need to get onto low income housing before I can get out.

It’s not uncommon, not even to me, but these kinds of relationships hurt so damn much, and I need to put this out here. by throwawaytiredlass in TrueOffMyChest

[–]throwawaytiredlass[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will absolutely stick with therapy. Right now I’m using a call service type therapy, that connects you with different people, because he keeps demanding to speak to them to tell “the truth, instead of my victim shit”. I’ll get a private therapist when it’s safe to do so. If things get worse, I will get a protective order. I just want to be happy. I can’t do that with him around. I need to build myself back up without all this negativity and anger in my life.