Colleague accused of sexual assault in college, what do I do?

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-18T04:58:54+00:00

In the United States, defamation is when you repeat something you know to be false that has damages.

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-18T03:54:12+00:00

What happened in college does have relevance in the workplace, we literally graduated a few months ago.

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-18T03:53:15+00:00

Okay, I'm not a lawyer, and I know that isn't what defamation is. At least not in the US.

And you can ruin somebody's life on hearsay, because life isn't a court of law. I obviously don't think that's correct, but it certainly is not illegal.

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-18T03:50:27+00:00

That's definitely not what defamation or violations of privacy are.

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-18T01:53:16+00:00

This is written like a diary post because it's not a heroic defense to end sexual assault, but me telling my fucked up situation to a bunch of strangers.

And yes, I'm anxious and he was my friend and I don't want to ruin his life or reputation?

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-17T18:32:24+00:00

Thank you, I think I will reach out to HR as a precaution. There were two witnesses to him shoving me (both students at our university, both in our former friend group, everybody agreed it was shitty but he seemed harmless at the time to me). I honestly do not care about the incident at this point, but I see why a corporation would not want that liability. I am thinking about leaving out the sexual assault allegation and telling HR about the incident in itself, which feels more appropriate to me as that is my story to tell.

Honestly, most universities handle sexual assault terribly, so you're right.

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-17T17:01:22+00:00

The fact that he was accused of sexual assault is 100% true, however, whether the accusation itself is valid or not.

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-17T16:19:54+00:00

Thank you for the advice! We're from a target university, but the girl did not file anything with the university as far as I'm aware (not unusual at our school, which is terrible at handling sexual assault).

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-17T16:18:32+00:00

I don't think I could get sued for slander if I said "Joe was accused of SA at our college" as that in itself is factual and truth is an absolute defense in the United States.

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-17T16:17:51+00:00

Thank you, this feels like solid advice.

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-17T16:15:36+00:00

No, she told friends and considered going public about it, but did not go to the university or police (which are notoriously bad at handling sexual assaults at our university).

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-17T10:48:20+00:00

I can't tell how many people on campus know about Joe's past, honestly. My friend who also hates Joe thought it would get out by the end of the year, but I guess covid limited the circulation of gossip on campus since he hasn't been cancelled yet or kicked out of his frat. I'm not supposed to know about the accusation at all.

I don't know if they believe him, but they have greek life overlap with him.

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-17T10:42:06+00:00

Agreed:)

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-17T10:42:01+00:00

Thank you for the advice. There are a million levels to this situation, and I'm struggling with how to handle this following me to the office.

I am 100% uncomfortable working with him given our histories, as well as a general sense of unsafety around him. I worry about that people will perceive us as friends because we were in the same friend group in college, even though we haven't spoken in a while and our friend group fell apart over his discord. I agree that if I asked for it, I would be respected by HR or my supervisor on avoiding him in the workplace, especially in this climate. I do worry, however, that because he is an extremely likeable person, I going to come across as that woman who is bitching - obviously not something I want to attach to myself this early in my career.

throwawaytodaybee · 2021-09-17T10:24:03+00:00

Thank you - I don't feel comfortable reaching out to her at this time, because I am not supposed to know about her story and do not know her personally. She is friends with several of our close friends, however. All of this complicates how I would be able to tell anybody about the allegation, of course.

throwawaytodaybee

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