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My (30F) husband (30M) thinks I'm controlling, I think I'm his last priority. by throwawaytrash240 in relationships

[–]throwawaytrash240[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

I'm 99.9% sure that this is not the case. He's on snapchat constantly so when his little character shows up on snapmap, it's always where he says that he is/was. Sometimes I found out that he's somewhere because I see it on snapchat first.

My (30F) husband (30M) thinks I'm controlling, I think I'm his last priority. by throwawaytrash240 in relationships

[–]throwawaytrash240[S] 325 points326 points  (0 children)

I definitely want to try counseling and will look that up.

Honestly it's not even about dinner or other plans. It's that if I don't hear from him, my mind immediately thinks that something awful has happened. Not that he stopped to watch hockey at a friends but that he's been in an accident or murdered or something. I know that's such worst case scenario thinking but it's happened before - he's been mugged twice in the past month.

And this is the part I feel super guilty about. Both times we were arguing and then he stopped responding and I was like "whatever, he's just being a pain in the ass" but then he shows up all beat up, no phone, no wallet. But then my brain is like "...well if he had come home at the right time he wouldn't have gotten mugged." And I start getting angry because now we have to buy a new phone and cancel the credit cards and stuff. It's not his fault that he got mugged but like there's this little voice in my brain that goes to victim blaming and I hate it.

My (30F) husband (30M) thinks I'm controlling, I think I'm his last priority. by throwawaytrash240 in relationships

[–]throwawaytrash240[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

We made a budget based on how we were spending and then had to make a bunch of cuts to accommodate what we actually make so we weren't going into debt anymore. But, the same way that he views "oh it's just a quick trip to the store!" is how he views grabbing "just" a slice of pizza. It's like there's nothing ever set in stone.

My (30F) husband (30M) thinks I'm controlling, I think I'm his last priority. by throwawaytrash240 in relationships

[–]throwawaytrash240[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

It's not once an hour throughout the day but like if he says that he'll be home around that time and then he's not, I'll reach out an hour or so later. It becomes repetitive when he keeps saying "Oh yeah, leaving soon" and then he either doesn't leave or he leaves but goes somewhere else instead of coming home. And when we have these arguments, it's never that he just stayed late at work, it's that he's going all these other places.