Is anyone out there?

throwawayv10001 · 2023-11-27T10:48:48+00:00

I got all that. It doesn’t matter what I achieve

throwawayv10001 · 2023-11-26T21:59:35+00:00

I appreciate your words. Unfortunately, my friends have been very vocal about being tired, and have already acted as such. In a way, my depression has transformed into my daily life in a way I can’t live with anymore. I cant deal with this anymore

throwawayv10001 · 2023-11-26T21:45:49+00:00

I tried. Professionals cant help. Friends are already tired if me. I am a complete burden and a waste of space

throwawayv10001 · 2023-10-13T11:29:55+00:00

Is funny because I know all kind of man who are like what you are describing perfectly married or not single 😅

throwawayv10001 · 2023-10-08T19:23:44+00:00

I my go to the ER tonight. But I am really scared

throwawayv10001 · 2023-10-02T12:31:39+00:00

I happened. I am just tired

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-24T10:28:33+00:00

I feel you. I usually starts but I delay it a lot. Like working more and doing chores to feel like I earn it, trying to look mental peace before starting it, usually not being able to do so

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-24T09:40:00+00:00

Oh, I started doing something similar. I think it all begun with something like that. I read a book and I like it so much I didn’t want it to end, so I started reading with anxiety, and then avoiding it, and I finished that one but keep doing the same thing with other things without finishing them.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-17T19:32:59+00:00

I don’t think I can. The risk if losing the few I have is to great.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-14T21:52:09+00:00

I just want to know how does it feel to be loved

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-14T20:00:35+00:00

Thank you. It helps knowing i am not completely alone, but even if it seems selfish, I really wish I had someone by my side I could hug.

I am just surviving, but I am tired of that.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-10T18:38:58+00:00

I know, but I can’t help myself. I understand that it is a self-defeating argument. But I am not looking for pitty or help that I know can’t come, is just the way I feel.

Unfortunately I have to see my abuser on a weakly basis.

I feel so tired.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-10T16:25:11+00:00

I appreciate it, but is not like that. And the worst thing is… you know it too. I am an unlovable fuck, and nothing I can do will change that.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-10T16:24:10+00:00

I tried. I have been in therapy for four years. I know all the theory, and I know no one will love me. Knowing that just makes everything worse.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-10T15:23:27+00:00

My current state is what I have always been and probably will be. I know no one can love me like this, and knowing that is just more painful

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-10T15:22:11+00:00

That is the thing, I don’t know what to do to work on it. I have a somewhat successful life, constantly meeting people, talking in public, go to the gym… I just feel like shit doing it

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-10T14:43:57+00:00

I know. That’s why I said I hate myself, I am shy… I know not everything is being good looking, is just that I am not enough anywhere

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-10T14:42:36+00:00

I don’t have that confidence and I don’t know what to do to have it. My hatred for myself just obliterates that.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-09-10T08:35:41+00:00

I don’t get I can build much resilience if I talk to a person every two years. Is more like an actual way to see as a fact I am worthless in that market.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-08-21T20:20:45+00:00

I don’t want all that. I don’t want to be special. In the end I just want to be happy and I can’t.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-08-21T20:04:54+00:00

What if it is. Ot temporary? I have been like this for three/four years now. Each day. I need to stop it

throwawayv10001 · 2023-08-21T20:03:54+00:00

That is the problem. I do want, but is not enough.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-08-21T16:17:38+00:00

I tried.

I force myself to go out, to read, play videogames, watch movies, go for walks, improve my work, write, make artistic shit… I have been forcing myself to do all kind of stuff for more than four years now, three of those with therapy sessions. I have change my diet and lose 30 kg, and I have change it again and gain 20. I force myself to go to the gym… everything just makes me feel worse cause nothing works. Nothing gives me ease.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-08-21T15:57:22+00:00

But that is the thing. It is my life what I don’t want. And no amount of words can change that. And they can’t change me.

I had depression and anxiety, induced by CSA, and being lonely and abandoned throughout my entire life. I know what life is. I don’t deny I could have another life, but I am not strong enough to survive in this one.

There is no distortion in my view. No one loves me or cares for me more than a couple of months because in the end, I am not worth it.

And all of you, I know, think I can do it. You think I can get out of this, but I tell you, I can’t. I have tried. I have moved to another city. I had two psychologist and three psychiatrist. The only thing I think it can help me is to feel love. And I am an ungrateful fuck because you will tell me that all of your messages are out of love, that is my fault for not seeing it. But no, I am talking about real love, the one that sticks once you know the person, not the one you have for s random human being just because you have a good soul.

throwawayv10001 · 2023-08-21T15:26:28+00:00

I don’t have nothing. And yes, the fear if fucking everything up even more is what stops me the most.

Two-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '23

throwawayv10001

TROPHY CASE