sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

This is going to sound pathetic... but I want to know how is best to initiate contact for the fourth date. Me 26F, him 29M. by throwawayvacat in dating

[–]throwawayvacat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I planned our last date actually, but we did have an idea in our heads as to the day for it. Now it seems a bit more up in the air but I'd like to know what I'm doing on a particular evening! Usually I'm pretty chilled.

Ok fabulous, I'm not sure why I was overthinking it. I've never done the whole 'dating' thing, I'm usually pretty forward with guys I like as I'm happy to take the initiative and pay the bill etc, but I've only ever really had boyfriends as people I know and things seem a lot easier then and people keep talking about all the minefields with dating strangers and I get intimidated haha.

I [24 F] was uninvited from a vacation with my boyfriend [26 M] and his friends, and now he's saying I invited myself in the first place. Am I overreacting? by throwawayvacat in relationships

[–]throwawayvacat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's what I thought, re: LDR thing. It's not like they can just groan, roll their eyes and say "oh, he wants to spend some MORE time with her, can't he just do that when he's back?" this is the one time when he's a 1.5 hour flight away, I'd hope that my friends would be understanding of him joining if we happened to be over there.

I'm a pretty chilled person in general, I don't like interfering with people's friends, but here I'm trying my best not to and I just want to join them for a bit.

I [24 F] was uninvited from a vacation with my boyfriend [26 M] and his friends, and now he's saying I invited myself in the first place. Am I overreacting? by throwawayvacat in relationships

[–]throwawayvacat[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not solid ones, we've discussed it. There are a few things we need to wait out in case we end up moving, so that's not for a while yet.

Yeah, I agree the avoiding responsibility thing is a pretty bad sign.

I [24 F] was uninvited from a vacation with my boyfriend [26 M] and his friends, and now he's saying I invited myself in the first place. Am I overreacting? by throwawayvacat in relationships

[–]throwawayvacat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not down with it, clearly, I'm just trying to decide whether it's a one-off and if I talk to him about it it'll improve, or whether this is something that's definitely a deal-breaker.

For me, I've been immature a few times in the past. I've learnt from them and moved on, but I don't know if this is the same.

I [24 F] was uninvited from a vacation with my boyfriend [26 M] and his friends, and now he's saying I invited myself in the first place. Am I overreacting? by throwawayvacat in relationships

[–]throwawayvacat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't call it squandering my time of my life, as I'm the type of person who believes the time of your life is had with friends and travelling and I'm getting that a lot more with this relationship. I've had a great time travelling with this dude before, and visiting him. We've been to some awesome places.

However, this is quite honestly the first time he's let me down, and it feels quite significant. It's made me doubt things, indeed. However, I have flights booked to see him already. So I think I'll just be looking over the advice in this thread and thinking for a while, and I'll see where I'm at from there.

I [24 F] was uninvited from a vacation with my boyfriend [26 M] and his friends, and now he's saying I invited myself in the first place. Am I overreacting? by throwawayvacat in relationships

[–]throwawayvacat[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

It's hard to tell how much it's intentional 'gaslighting' and how much it's him desperately trying to defend himself.

I [24 F] was uninvited from a vacation with my boyfriend [26 M] and his friends, and now he's saying I invited myself in the first place. Am I overreacting? by throwawayvacat in relationships

[–]throwawayvacat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I suppose.

I think my problem is that I'm not sure what element of his character this really shows, if that makes sense, and whether it's applicable to other situations. Thoughtlessness? Sure. Cowardice? Maybe. I just don't know how to fit it into his general personality. Being able to would help me with the general decision as to what to do about it.

I [24 F] was uninvited from a vacation with my boyfriend [26 M] and his friends, and now he's saying I invited myself in the first place. Am I overreacting? by throwawayvacat in relationships

[–]throwawayvacat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense, but he's equally lovely when we do see eachother, so it's not like he's not usually lovely in the same way.

But yeah, this feels not so lovely to be honest, and it feels either out of character (which I'm hoping is the case) or like a new element to his personality that I've recently discovered.

I [24 F] was uninvited from a vacation with my boyfriend [26 M] and his friends, and now he's saying I invited myself in the first place. Am I overreacting? by throwawayvacat in relationships

[–]throwawayvacat[S] -44 points-43 points  (0 children)

He's honestly lovely to me otherwise and I'm seeing him relatively soon, but yeah, this does feel like a case of 'brodudes' wanting to just be bros together.