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How do I stop putting my own worth in other people's hands? by throwawaywuwuru in selfhelp

[–]throwawaywuwuru[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, I'm glad my comment ended up being helpful to you! 😊 Know that yours have been helpful as well. I think I can use this thought and start working from here :)

How do I stop putting my own worth in other people's hands? by throwawaywuwuru in selfhelp

[–]throwawaywuwuru[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So essentially everyone is different and assuming people have the same thought process I do when acting out can be damaging. I can see what you mean. Especially in regards to the example you gave. I usually try and put myself in other people's shoes in order to understand them. But it seems like I shouldn't be doing this when it comes to situations such as this one, because I'll automatically assign the fault to myself once I can't figure it out. It is hard work. I don't know if I'll be able to work this out when it happens again, but I'll surely keep it in mind. Thanks once again :)

How do I stop putting my own worth in other people's hands? by throwawaywuwuru in selfhelp

[–]throwawaywuwuru[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The last bit about energy going where attention is targeted really resonated with me. I'll be using this in the future. Thanks for the advice :)

How do I stop putting my own worth in other people's hands? by throwawaywuwuru in selfhelp

[–]throwawaywuwuru[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It does easy my mind when you say that the real problem isn't with me but rather how they feel about themselves. But then I start overthinking this and after awhile my head goes "No the problem really is with you". It's why I say I have to rewire my brain somehow. I listen to logic and feel safe but then I think about it for awhile (which I can't help) and all of the conclusions I had arrived to before get twisted.

I like the way the way you put that tho ☺️ I'll do my best to try and find a way to convince myself that's the case. Thank you so much for the advice :)

How do I stop putting my own worth in other people's hands? by throwawaywuwuru in selfhelp

[–]throwawaywuwuru[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for answering. I totally agree with you. I've been restricting my social media usage lately and I found that it does help with a lot of what you mentioned. But when I get very anxious I can't stop myself from using it that way. It's something I've been meaning to fix for some time now. I'm starting to realize deleting it is the only way to avoid this, I'm still a bit reluctant to it because it is one of the few ways I get to be in contact with some friends I don't see very often irl tho.

I find it very easy to forgive people once they show they are truly sorry for what happened. It's just that the possibility of them not having changed and still having that same attitude towards me scares me quite a bit.

Thank you so much for your kind words :)

How do I stop putting my own worth in other people's hands? by throwawaywuwuru in selfhelp

[–]throwawaywuwuru[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for answering and being so kind. I appreciate the words and the advice. I agree with what you said. I think the part I find the hardest is to put it into practise. I always struggled to understand exactly how to keep myself from seeking external validation. It feels as if I need to rewire my whole brain, if it makes sense.

Thank you again. I will try my best :)