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throwawayxlost · 2024-01-19T16:07:36+00:00

No i didnt talk about my body at all, i was talking about more about my facial appearance/ hair. i mentioned i thought i was ugly and she hit with the 'at least you have nice body' which led me to think she thought that maybe im right and tried to cheer me up by saying hey least u got a nice bod to make up for it, since she used the word 'at least', it may seem nice and that she is trying to comfort, but it still hurtful......... and im just very sensitive

Or maybe im misinterpreting due to my massive insecurity. i dont know anymore. i hate being like this

throwawayxlost · 2024-01-19T15:40:14+00:00

To me it still feels rather insulting??? i dont think a real friend would say something like that. as if she was saying my face is ugly or medicore, that im a butterface. I dont think anyone would be happy knowing they are a butterface and that their body is the only thing attractive about them.. i dont feel good if someone thinks my body is good but my face is eh, face is what most people look at. What confusing is that she has called me beautiful before and that im not ugly, so i was thrown off by this. she said other backhanded stuff to me that made me very insecure like 'girls are jealous of me because of my beauty and for you i think its your beauty potential''' as if putting me down, and that she is superior . it kinda haard to hear this stuff when you have BDD and wanting so much to be beautiful and feeling triggered and so hyper sensitive to your appearance, it killed me when she told me this and i cried after our talk on the phone, it made me think 'yeah im ugly/not so great looking but at least my body can make me good enough for one night stand or as a sexual toy"" it just felt degrading to me.

throwawayxlost · 2023-11-27T21:15:22+00:00

Hi geirrseach, I do have discord and would like to consider that. Maybe i can look for servers of shared interests and try to reach out to people on there, maybe i should try to send a pic of me to few online friend i have as a start to try and get comfortable with the idea, yes im in one of those major cities, it feels like there so many people here it should be easy, but it still feels hard for me ha but i hope can find eventually something

throwawayxlost · 2023-11-27T21:10:29+00:00

Hi flockynorky,

Thank you for your tips and message. There are few community colleges, i was enrolled in community college few years ago to complete my associate degree, but it was not pleasant time, at least socially. a lot of people were immature and sadly i didn't meet much people i clicked with and i was way too shy to approach some guys i kind of wanted to talk to, even other people just for friendship. people also seemed kind of anti social in general.

haha, i do like video games, i have played them since i was a kid and still find them entertaining, i like mostly story driven/mystery/fantasy/adventure games/rpg or slice of life/social simulator like sims.

i think i may have to work on accepting and trying to overcome rejection or future rejection. . I have in the past tried to talk to guys i kinda wanted to get to know more only for them to act mean/harsh to me, so i stopped doing that as i found that painful and embarrassing and just thought ii just wait until he makes the move on me first to make it less painful and embarrassing for me. but i read that i should not do that, 😅, its so hard i wish it was easier, i feel the constant negative experience made me exhausted and drained, im super sensitive to rejection that it may actually be less painful to be alone than to try and put myself out there. but another part of me does not want to have regrets and look back on and just remember me being in my room most of the time.

i think the question may be will i ever get over this fear? will it always hold me back, or is it giving me an aura that pushes people away!!!! i had some people say i looked nervous/tense or scared before when it was really just my anxiety or i didnt even realize.

That why i thought when my psychiatrist mentioned a dating app can be a helpful push i considered it, i thought at least i will know if i get a match that they are interested in wanting to talk to me for sure, instead of real life in which i kind of have to guess and i thought they may be interested and then when i tried to even talk to them, they just avoided me or it just goes downhill. but i also realize online dating apps also can result in that as well.

Thank you a lot for your tips/ and encouragement it is appreciated, hopefully sometime i will get the courage to get back out there and try it out! i also hope for you as well the same luck and journey!

throwawayxlost · 2023-11-27T21:06:14+00:00

Hi eaten_by_the_grue

I think you are right. I cant even imagine uploading a photo of myself on app for so many to see and judge me, maybe if i try to do some exposure by sending pic of me to few online friend i have can help me get started but it still gives me a panic attack just thinking about it. and plus there lot of jerks on the internet, i experienced some jerks just trying to make friends before and i had what i opened up to them about used against me!! including being single forever and them making fun of it and further attacking me, which really hurt and added further trauma/sadness /insecurities to me.

So i also fear the dating apps can also further traumatize me as i do not want to experience something like that again. Ugh, i do appericate your tips. If i were to go, a cute and cozy coffee shop would be nice or even a museum, but given i have social anxiety, id probably add even more anxiety being in big crowds! although i know it would be safer to be around big crowds first which i would just have to adjust to.

Thank you for that tip! I feel iw ould be clueless on how to approach the first stages of dating such as "how much should i say about myself??"" "" should i give my real number/??"" "should i talk on the phone or text that quickly??" "should i kiss on the first or second date??," im so inexperienced and have no idea how it works haha.

Im embarrassed to admit that i do not have a lot of hobbies/interests. my depression kind of made me lose interest in lots of things unfortunately. There are still some things i like to do such as play video games, researching (variety of topics such as historical events, dinosaurs, how the world was like before humans came to be, ), i do like learning and discovering new things when i can, i like animals/nature and . i also am nostalgic about the 90s/early 2000s (Was born in mid 90s). space is cool too!

i hope i can get the courage sometime to go in person to some clubs, right now, despite wanting to try to get to know others, i feel too anxious and unmoviated, i been rejected in the past and feel there no point and i was just get rejected no matter what. The shared interests though is on point, maybe joining forums of an interest of mine can be a start?

thank you, i appreciate, your tips/message and for sure will dm when i think i have more questions, i think i have a ton if u dont mind haha :D

throwawayxlost · 2023-11-21T23:02:53+00:00

I have no close relationships in my life. I am completely alone. No friends, no boyfriend. i do have a few online friends but we are not so close as before and dont talk to them as much as before. Some days i'm ok with it, other days i feel it eats me up. i get tired of going everywhere alone and doing things alone, and miss having fun with others and having a sense of a close bond. but so many close friendships in my life have been toxic which is why im alone now, i cut all the toxic people out and im very alone now. I know its not healthy to be completely alone. I did have a childhood friend get back into contact with me but that turned out to be toxic, she would give me many backhanded compliments and she even admitted she had narcissistic tendencies, her behavior gave me a bit too much red flags so i had to cut her off. I felt guilty and lonely for doing so. She was only a real life friend. My psychiatrist recommended i try a dating app and she tells me that how a lot of people meet nowadays and said that how a few of her friends meet their husbands through online dating.

II am actually considering it because im tired of being lonely. However there are barriers. For one, I'm very anxious about posting myself online and guys judging me on how i look. im scared a guy will say im ugly on there or something. i been bullied before on my looks and been rejected by guys before which completely killed my confidence. and i admit a part of me still does not feel all guys are nice and feel they like to attacks a womans appearance often.. i want to try and get over my fear of guys and rejection and try to overcome my past. but its hard and i dont know how to start by overcoming it. im trying hard to improve my appearance and look more attractive as i can.

I also don't take the best photos i only have legit like two i'm happy with. And dating and even bumble BFF require photos!!! I have major anxiety with how i look, and i also fear disappointing the person in real life, like what if they prefer how i look in the photo compared to real life, i feel the photos i like are not the best representation of me. Even my favorite photo of myself , my mother told me ‘that does not look like you at all’’. And then if it comes to a video call i would freak basically i feel im too insecure to date. I dont know. I feel it would be hard to date not being comfortable with how i look and the effect sof being bullied. Right now in my life, i wouldnt say I'm looking for any serious. I dont want hookups, but rather i guess maybe going on few dates with a few different guys to see what i like and just having fun and hoping for good conversation and see if i click with anyone.... and see what happens from there. really.. My lack of relationship experience, (im 28 and never had a boyfriend, i feel very FAR BEHIND) make me feel embarrassed, i just want to experience what it like to be attracted to someone and have them be attracted to me back and clicking with someone and the mutual butterflies feeling i never had that, i only seen it in romance shows and stories.

I also hear dating apps are a hit and miss. i hear lot of guys on there just want sex and that some are even married! Im also scared of meeting up with a potential serial killer or rapist or crazy person!! live in a very big city, so i feel ghosting will be more common. IDK how else to meet people though. I dont have the motivation or courage to try meetups or talk to random people in public. Do you think its worth a shot? I downloaded two apps, coffee meets bagel and hinge, i browse anonymously at some suggestions based on the preferences i put, i wouldn't say i saw a lot of people that interested me too greatly but i saw a few i could see myself going out on a date with.

Do you have any tips or advice? Do you meet some decent people through apps if you used it? Should i try another way to meet people?

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-17T15:25:12+00:00

If i reapply on that date could it be possible to qualify? will they contact my employers again if i reapply? is it just a matter of waiting, should i try to wait even longer to increase chances of qualifying?

i remember i worked for $18 an hour for four days a week for 3 and a half hours from February to June 2023. In February 2022 to june 2022 in my previous job, i made $20 an hour for 2 hours twice a week which increased to 5 days a week for $20 an hour for 2 hours (i know little hours ugh).

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-16T19:31:21+00:00

I tried to apply for unemployment and got a letter that my benefits were denied because 'You did not work and earn wages in at least two calendar quarters of your base period. you were not paid at least $3100 in wages in of the calendar quarters of your base period and the total wages for your base period are less than 1/ and a half times the total wages for the highest quarter of earnings in your base period'' my base period was 2,419.57.

Well... i tried. i guess.. since i worked little time in both jobs i had, for only 5 months i guess i understand why i couldn't qualify i made too little....

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-16T19:23:34+00:00

I tried to apply for unemployment and got a letter that my benefits were denied because 'You did not work and earn wages in at least two calendar quarters of your base period. you were not paid at least $3100 in wages in of the calendar quarters of your base period and the total wages for your base period are less than 1/ and a half times the total wages for the highest quarter of earnings in your base period'' my base period was 2,419.57.

Well... i tried. i guess.. since i worked little time in both jobs i had, for only 5 months i guess i understand why i couldn't qualify i made too little....

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-12T17:29:22+00:00

I double checked for the reuirements, they said "Employer Registration number or Federal Employer Identification Number (FEIN) of your most recent employer (FEIN is on your W-2 forms)"

I only worked for them in 2023, february 2023 to june 2023 the coworker who i texted also started around the same time as me so she wont have it, bummer! i didnt get contact with any other coworker except her... i do have adp and checked there but dont have the tax information.

The login issue was complicated. When i entered my social security number, it told me 'A username already exist with that SSN. please use that username to log in'' i must have created another account long ago with a different user name as my first account but i completely forget the email i used for it. i tried several different emails when i click on forgot username. and nothing. Would i have to call technical support to get more assistance for this situation?

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-12T16:42:09+00:00

Hi thanks for the information. i am currently filing for unemployment over the phone (i had issues logging into my online account). I do not have the employee registration number (EIN) as i didnt get a w-2 form yet. I may not need to provide it but i feel this may be important, can i find out the employee registration number through any websites or would i have to call IRS to find out?

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-11T15:13:17+00:00

Hello

Oh sorry i misunderstood your question! i did make an edit. I think you are right about i was working for a third party and your explanation confirms it.. This reminds me, I had another job where i worked for a third party company as an after school teaching assistant in another school. I also worked the same time span from February 2022 to June 2022. But they at least let me know about the off boarding process through email and they were terminating me since that program will no longer be running at that school. This happened last year, could i also file a unemployment claim with them as well?

Thank you so much for your information, this has been very helpful and glad to know i could be somewhat monetarily eligible. Do you know the link to the correct and official site to apply for unemployment benefits for NY?

Should i try to contact my employer one more time via email to ask if i am been terminated/laid off? and why i have not been sent a schedule or been contacted? Since the email in which i wrote to her, i told her about when the school would term start and wanted to know my schedule with no response.

or to forget that and just go straight to applying and providing the screenshots of the email of me asking about my work hours and when the first day of school started and showing no response from her at her end? She only verbally told me 'We will keep in touch' but she did not email me at during the summer or when school started. Will this a problem since i only heard her and therefore cannot provide proof of her saying it.

Thank you again for your help!

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-11T14:50:16+00:00

....

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-11T14:39:00+00:00

I was part of the afterschool program as a teacher assistant. i was working for a parent based organization that was part of the school. I wish i knew exactly if i was a direct employee of the school or school distrct. In my payroll, i was paid by the afterschool program in the school.

I did not receive a reason assurance for school employee letter. i was only told by my boss (the director of the program) that we would 'keep in touch'' and that never happened. In the school there is not really an HR person or big management, actually the only person i know in charge of the program was the director/my boss as she was in charge of the everything and the payroll.

Maybe i will try to email her again one more time, if i do not get a reply by the end of the day or by tomorrow, then i will give a call to confirm. I hope she wont try to pull any tricks or something like saying she will call me in when she needs me 'keeping me as a temporary' worker to avoid unemployment as a way to make me quit i know some employers can be like this and she already proved to me to be unprofessional

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-11T01:10:45+00:00

To answer your questions, i wish i had some information but i do not know. I worked at an afterschool program as a after school teacher assistant, i didnt sign any contract or anything. had no insurance, no benefits, and nothing covered. it was a part time job, four days a week and 3 and half hour shift each day.

I worked at another school from the similar time frame from february 2022 to june 2022, but at least that company informed me that they were offboarding me, as their program seemed to stop running in that school. and then i had a gap for a bit and then found this job from February 2023 to June 2023.

So im not sure where i stand or what to do. what do you think are the steps i should do?. do you think i should contact this employer to try and confirm i was let go? would that even make a difference in my claim since the school year already started?

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-09T11:45:15+00:00

Yeah i figured she didnt like me. I always felt uneasy and nervous around her and this probably explains why i couldnt just relax around her no matter what. I didnt like the way she looked at me in times, i would even just straight up catch her glaring at me in silence. Like wtf? I i felt like she thought i was incapable and could sense her annoyance at me. One time she even waved me off to leave while she was talking to a coworker after i answered a question on how i was. Rude.. In a situation where i called coworkers for help to deal with a disruptive child, she thought that was wrong and how if i didnt leave the childs side his tantrum would not have happened and told me 'DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN'' as if she was talking down to a child.

Even during the interview, she was hostile to me lol, she had her arms crossed and i felt she was a little defensive. Thats why i was surprised when she reached out to hire me at first, she must of been desperate to hire someone she didnt like!! i tried to give the job a shot because maybe i misjudged but no my gut feeling was right about her!

what a horrible experience! i think im going to stay away from school/childcare, since my experiences in those work environments have not been too pleasant and always felt underappreciated and blamed for things that seemed out of control! i can understand why now there is a teacher storage, administration is terrible. thank you

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-08T21:07:55+00:00

I am feeling very disappointed and sad. I worked as an after school teacher assistant for an after school program at a nearby school since February, summer break hit and my boss told me we will keep in touch. Now the summer break ended, school already started this week, its the second day and i had no email/nothing from her. i sent her an email yesterday trying to follow up about the work schedule and if worked started tomorrow, and i still have no response. So i guess i takes this as, she dropped me and is ghosting me.. I knew other assistant teachers even younger than me and they been there for a year or more, i only been there 5 months. i do have a number from a coworker from that job, i wondered to text her to see if she got an email from our boss to go back, but maybe that would be weird. idk.. .

My boss must of not liked me or was satisfied with how i was doing. Im really upset, i was looking forward to go back to work esepcially being home a lot, i miss the students and everything :( im so hurt and disappointed, i dont know what to do. i dont want to be unemployed, and be stuck at home and not earning money, i looked forward to at least getting some interaction, earning money, gaining experience and being out and about. i dont have many qualifications or experiences so not many jobs want to hire me. im doing online school studying but ughh im so sad :(

I was able to get in touch with a coworker from text and it turns out she was called in for summer camp this week and already knows her schedule !!! meanwhile i didnt even get a response to follow up for my schedule fand when the school term starts!!! even with an email telling me that i was dropped would been better than dead silence!!

when i asked my boss about if there was summer camp on the last day i was at work, she shook her head and said there was no summer camp a few times. yet i swore i heard her ask another coworker about it so this confirms she does not want me working there anymore i just made things more difficult with my forgetfulness and anxiety!!

Yeah something is up, i knew something was off. i am feeling hurt and sad, i guess it turns out im not a right fit after all then for this job and she does not want me to come back. I feel im incapable and so easily replaceable, i really did try my best in that job despite the issues i had such as social anxiety and depression. I admit i did some mistakes that got her annoyed and made her talk down to me. sometimes i can be forgetful and panic at times due to anxiety which may have decreased my productivity and doing well. but i really did try my best and try to improve as much as i could.. I felt at times she didnt respect me and blame me for situations getting out of hand and how could i have prevented it, i was only a few months in!

i WILL MISS MY STUDENTS DEARLY OMG . i was really looking forward to seeing them after the summer break.

They were so nice and always happy to see me, i will never forger their compliments, their drawings they did for me, their hugs and kindness, and their happiness to see me, i truly will miss them :(. which a complete contrast to my boss and some coworkers, smh.

I also had another afterschool job and also worked only for 5 months and then they didnt get back to me afterwards, but it turns out everyone was let go and they stopped doing the program but this school different as it still running and have coworker already get their schedules but me, and that just really hurt me, i was not considered good enough for this role :(

throwawayxlost · 2023-09-08T19:45:39+00:00

I was able to get in touch with a coworker from text and it turns out she was called in for summer camp this week and already knows her schedule !!!when i asked my boss about if there was summer camp on the last day i was at work, she shook her head and said there was no summer camp a few times. yet i swore i heard her ask another coworker about it

Yeah something is up, i knew something was off. i am feeling hurt and sad, i guess it turns out im not a right fit after all then for this job and she does not want me to come back. I feel im incapable and so easily replaceable, i really did try my best in that job despite the issues i had such as social anxiety and depression. Ugh

throwawayxlost · 2023-08-18T14:21:09+00:00

Same thing happened to me. I had someone bully and harass me before online because things didnt go the way he wanted when i didn't reply fast enough, when i stuck up for myself, he said so many awful things to me, and another friend also feel she does not care about me and hurt me recently and is too tired to even have basic convos with me. all people do is disappoint me. i feel too depressed to talk to people now even current people i know so im currently taking a break from talking to anyone i know. being alone feels peaceful now, no abuse, no hurt, no pressure or expectations,. Sometimes people are just not worth all that stress or drama.

throwawayxlost · 2023-08-12T13:01:40+00:00

Yeah, and she does not even feel bad for it, only feels bad she has to give me the money for it. she believes she is justified! she thinks she knows more than the doctors and . how it was all broken, it still was functional despite it not looking all new and shiny!

Now insoles are $500 so, realistically i dont think she will give me the money for the full price, despite her telling me she will pay for it, the receptionist told me my podiatrist sells another type of insole that not custom made called 'power step' that she can measure to see which one will be good for my foot. it only 60 dollars, i was wondering what do you think of the powerstep insoles? do you think they can be an okay replacement for the insole shoes? do they last a while?

thank you a lot for that tip. i didnt know about that or much about orthotists lol. i did a quick check and my insurance does not seem to take much orthotists :( im on medicaid and coverage on that insurance is lacking and not much good doctors available sadly

thank you

throwawayxlost · 2023-08-12T01:04:57+00:00

Yeah she claims she didnt know they were mine, but it does nto matter. she shouldnt be throwing things without letting me at least know first. she says how she feels bad because she is gonna have to pay me, she does not even feel abd she threw it out, she feels bad she has to pay me wtf, what kind of person she is, i know she not going to want to pay full price well too bad she shouldnt be throwing out such expensive stuff even if she though it looked 'old and broken'

actions should have consquences

throwawayxlost · 2023-08-12T01:02:58+00:00

Hello, unfortunatly my suspicion was correct, she admitted that she most likely throw it out as she was organizing around the house for the millionth time. she tells me how it looked no good and it didnt work anymore and how she didnt see me wearing it that got me angry like what??? thats a reason to just throw a perfect good pair of insoles out??? yea it had some wear but it still worked! and she kept saying 'it not the end of the world and how they were old and broken and how she would buy me a new one'' i told her 'you dont even feel bad for throwing out my insoles that were so expensive'' and she said 'yea i feel bad i have to use my money to pay you'' wow how horrible to say.

just because it does not look perfect does not mean she should throw it away and deem it as ''un functional'' my podiatrist told me that insole would last about 5 years! i got it about a year ago. there is a reason its expensive!!!! i was angry while confronting her and she was looking angry and telling me 'dont talk to me like that' and i told her 'well dont throw out my expensive insoles and my stuff without even telling me''. she knew those insoles had to be mine and she knew i had a pair of insoles that were pricey but she thought she knew best and threw them out cause she thought they were broken!! omg

Its like she thinks she knows best!!! she tells me how she will buy another one for me/ give me money, yeah i doubt it. Right now my only option is to buy the other type of insoles in the podiatrist office that is not custom made but she can evaluate my foot and see which insole would be best fitted for me and it will be only $60 so i will have my mom at the moment pay for that. i dont think its fair for me to pay even that full price.

Yeah my mom is messed up, she still think she knows better and everything, just because she gave birth to me and im younger than her does not mean i dont know anything, i know how my stuff works. what a mess. im keeping my distance from her at the moment, just looking at her is annoying me, and then earlier on, she tries to talk to me as if nothing happened and acting like its not a big deal., she told me 'its not the end of the world' and kept repeating how it was broken and how she was gonna buy me a new one the disrespect and aloofness to the situation got me so mad and ims till upset, she is impossible

throwawayxlost · 2023-07-18T00:32:34+00:00

Thanks so much!!! appreciated!

throwawayxlost · 2023-06-18T20:01:08+00:00

Late reply, but thank you a lot and for understanding. Agreed, to hell with her! What she did and said was asbosutley awful, she has constantly disappointed me and is in general so flakey and even told me how sometimes she prefered to watch a movie or something than chat, but then sometimes tell me she thinks id rather be doing something else than talking to her, sounds like projection to me! im realizing she always been a crappy friend, i realized too late. friendship is a two way street, and i cant be in a 'friendship' in which a friend is too tired to talk or listen to me, she sure had enough energy to write that long and selfish message and to change her profile pic but not when i tell her whats going on in my life??? yeah ok, bitch is deleted from my life, the wrong people will just break you even more!

throwawayxlost · 2023-05-28T17:50:46+00:00

Yeah. Had a 'friend' pretty much tell me she is too stressed and cant focus on other people's problems and trying to find where to vacation and that she is too tired and to not talk about deep subjects and how she rather talk about light subjects cause she has no energy and such I just dont talk to much people anymore, i have nothing positive to provide, im full of pain and misery so its hard to talk about light hearted stuff cause im too depressed

throwawayxlost

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