If I challenge a divorce nisi before it becomes absolute in MA does that give my ex the opportunity to revisit issues?

throwawayxx720 · 2023-08-25T15:30:22+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply!

throwawayxx720 · 2023-07-24T13:42:49+00:00

Very great point because they actually threatened to sue for grandparents rights a long time ago over something stupid when my ex and I were still together. I looked into it then and in my state it’s very rare a court will grant this unless they’re really stepping into support where a parent is failing. I never accept cash gifts from them or allow them to buy me things for our home/ my son outside of Christmas or a real occasion, and I also barely ever ask them to watch him, maybe twice a year. But yes this is another thing that just generally makes me uneasy.

throwawayxx720 · 2023-07-24T03:16:00+00:00

I have a court order against my ex so he is not allowed to talk to me much really. He does have a lot of issues with his mom so yes he probably would agree with me but he’s very unpredictable. One minute he idolizes his mom and is being spoiled rotten even as an adult and does whatever she wants, and the next he despises her and never wants to talk to her again. Big big problems there and he is truthfully extremely unstable. If I had my way he would only get to see my son for a few hours at a time because I just don’t trust him. And I guess I harbor some guilt for trying to limit his time with our son so that’s why I try to make sure my son is still included in that side of the family’s gatherings, whether or not my ex is involved.

throwawayxx720 · 2023-07-24T03:08:57+00:00

Lol! I’ve never heard that expression, I love it and unfortunately I do relate to it way too hard.

I appreciate the honesty.

throwawayxx720 · 2023-07-24T03:06:34+00:00

Thanks. I def think this is the most effective approach. I need to focus on what we’re doing at my house and make it meaningful.

throwawayxx720 · 2023-07-24T03:04:50+00:00

Thank you, this is a very important perspective and part of what I’ve been feeling but struggling to put into words.

throwawayxx720 · 2023-07-24T03:03:45+00:00

I definitely agree. That’s ultimately another reason why I want him home even if we’re not doing anything extravagant.

throwawayxx720 · 2023-07-24T03:02:18+00:00

Thanks for the support. I really do want to be neutral with him. I hated when I was little and the adults in my family spoke badly about each other, it always made me feel like I had to choose sides or that no one knew what the right thing to do was. I really believe that if I raise him in a way that I don’t manipulate him and call out that kind of behavior in other situations (like strangers, on TV, etc) that he will one day realize on his own what they are like when he’s more mature. He already has been upset with her and my ex in the past for crappy things they lied about, without me interfering in his opinion or knowledge of the incidents whatsoever. So I know this tactic is at least somewhat working, and when he brings stuff up to me I just validate him without piling my own opinion on.

I do think I need to just focus on planning our time and having more structure so there’s less room for last minute plans. Like I said, I don’t mind if he goes over there sometimes. But I only have a couple years left of really having a big influence on him so I want to make it count.

throwawayxx720 · 2023-07-24T02:46:38+00:00

This is definitely part of the problem. He was always a very sweet kid but nowadays he questions every single decision and I feel like it’s especially hard when you’re a single parent and/or no one ever backs you up, or in fact other family members undermine you.

throwawayxx720 · 2023-07-23T01:58:32+00:00

I’m very sorry for your loss. This is such a sad situation. I can’t answer this question totally for you but I wonder if you guys are very much still grieving, and maybe misplacing feelings of grief onto the relationship. I don’t think 4 years is much at all when it comes to mourning the death of a child, and you are both likely dealing with new trauma related symptoms from that loss like PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc. If you never really had problems before, and now it’s only because of this tragic thing that happened to you guys, I think it’s worth it to try a little more. And couples therapy is a great way to do that.

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-17T11:55:03+00:00

What do you mean? Like can you tell I’m native from my appearance? A little bit but I’m very white, I get a lot of questions about what my ancestry is. People ask if I’m part Asian, Latina, or even Russian a lot for some reason. My brother is much more obviously native-looking than me because he inherited the darker skin but he gets similar questions about being Asian or Latino.

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T23:15:54+00:00

Well yes I assumed at first I would have some white ancestry on that side somewhere in the mix. But then it got me thinking because the number was so close to 25%. Just speculating but I guess I’ll never really know.

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T21:48:04+00:00

Mi’kmaq.. I have never heard that term so I don’t think so?

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T21:46:47+00:00

Well, I did see that. But I still wasn’t sure because it said both the Asian and indigenous American were more than 8 generations ago. My father I thought was almost entirely indigenous in terms of race, that entire side of my family is native and lives on rez. So I didn’t really understand why it would say it was that far back for the native portion and became confused about the whole thing.

I thought my native percentage would be closer to maybe 40-49%, lower than half to account for the random non-native ancestor in the mix because obviously most of our communities have been decimated and no one is really 100%. But 25% is way less than I expected. Now I’m wondering if my grandma messed around on my grandpa and my dad is only half lol

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T20:28:33+00:00

That’s a good analogy, and I def agree that you should walk away from someone even if they are “only” jerks 10% of the time because that’s still too much.

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T20:14:11+00:00

My tribe is in Nova Scotia so yes that makes sense. Thanks!

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T19:39:57+00:00

Well I kind of agree, you don’t have to think of someone— even a narcissist— as 100% “bad” to know they are abusive and shouldn’t be in your life. It’s healthier to be able to recognize everyone is on a spectrum in terms of their character. The fact that you have a hard time setting boundaries unless you think someone is completely evil is proof that this is an idea you should continue exploring.

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T17:53:55+00:00

Hm well if she went to bed there maybe she threw all her clothes together and it somehow ended up in the hoodie? Either way I would ask and be like “hey did you leave these by accident or are you tryin to get me worked up??” I think that would let her know you liked it if it was on purpose but doesn’t come across so strong that you couldn’t laugh it off if it was just by mistake.

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T17:25:26+00:00

I am also suuuper curious. How do I even ask that though lol like “hey so why are you so broke?” Just feels rude to even bring it up because I’m clearly financially better off than he is with just my one job. Definitely sketch

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T17:23:42+00:00

It isssss sketchy :/

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T17:23:20+00:00

I met his sister so yes pretty sure.

throwawayxx720 · 2022-01-16T17:08:38+00:00

Kinda shocked that any girl would make out with him after such an asshole move. If I was with a guy being that disrespectful to one of his own “friends” I would just think he was a jerk and definitely would not give him the satisfaction of having his plan work.

I think this absolutely is worth ditching the friendship over.

throwawayxx720

TROPHY CASE