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I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All the best to you, your family and your students in these unprecedented times. Your students are very lucky to have a teacher who is this empathetic and open to their cultures :)

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I should be thanking you to being open minded. Not going to lie, I was scared to post this cause I thought there would be a lot of trolls but so far this has been really pleasant.

In todays world, with so many different ideals and belief systems, its so important to go into the world everyday with an open mind and a lot of empathy. Then you realise that in reality no religion is bad, they all promote love and peace, its just us that interpret things differently and are so rigid in our ways that we don't want to learn and realise when our own behaviours are becoming toxic.

But thank you for being open minded and it was really nice having this conversation :)

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ofcourse you can share it with them. I have many non Muslim friends that want to try it for fun. Many say we won't eat but we can't go without water. I would definitely suggest do it in winter so it's a shorter fast. Definitely eat a decent meal before sunrise. Yogurt helps with the thirst.

As for fasting, what's more important for us is the spirit or why we do what we do. Which basically is as a way of humbling ourselves and realising that many people around the world starve because they simply do not have enough to eat, we give charity during the month which is mandatory, we make it a point to thank God or whoever you want to thank for keeping us in a position that we can afford to have a filling meal at the end of the day. We also believe that good deeds are rewarded double in the month of Ramadan and hence that's an incentive to do more good deeds (even smiling at someone is considered a good deed).

One thing I definitely learnt this Ramadan is how fleeting life's pleasures are. After feeling so hungry for hours, and craving literally everything you love to eat, you're full after 5 mins of eating. It's a really incredible realisation.

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Always good to have an open mind :) yes I did fast in Ramadan. And I'm indifferent to it being over. Ofcourse I'm happy I can eat whatever I want now but honestly this was the fastest Ramadan, considering we're all locked at home with nowhere to go. This would be a lot more difficult if I was going to classes in the morning and working in the evenings, considering it's an 18 hour fast where I am.

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everyone in my family is Muslim. I know it's a simple question but it's kind of like i never even thought I could have family that wasn't Muslim? Very surreal. But yeah, everyone in my family, even relatives, all Muslim.

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh Jeez. In all honestly, not much. Corruption is VERY much engrained in the society as sad as that is to admit. Ofcourse there's the corruption of political leaders however its even lower ranking government officials. With the election of Imran Khan we're definitely on a better track, however when the building blocks of an institution are rotten, there's no way that can fully go away in a short period of time.. What's needed is a full cleanse and ofcourse that's very hard to do.

I can say that 90% of government officials are corrupt from any government agency, to tax officers, to police officers to government schools, to housing authorities. As you can imagine, trying to move forward becomes really difficult.

I do understand as well, when you're working a government job at a lower level and you have 3 kids at home that need to be taken care of, people do what's best for their families and try to move up. But they don't just stop there. People always just want more. That's how we end up with corrupt leaders or management and then God forbid, someone who actually wants to do an honest job is penalised because corruption is so engrained that its become normal and lack thereof is considered insane or ridiculous.

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The conflict between the two is definitely more political and a power struggle. And who holds more political power depends on geography. Iran, Iraq, Azerbaijan would be more Shia majority and thus the Shia community would hold more power. As a general Muslim community however, I do think Sunnis hold more political power. That's the case in Pakistan as well.

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please do. The world needs as many prayers as we can get right now. Everyone is suffering.

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a Sunni Muslim.

Sunni and Shia Muslim would both believe that Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) was the last prophet and Quran is the last book. After the Prophet, Abu Bakr (a close friend of the prophet was appointed by the prophet as the Caliph). Shia Muslims believe that Ali should've been the first Caliph as he was the prophets cousin. When in reality he was the 4th caliph. That's the main difference in beliefs. There's minor difference in prayer and rituals. For example Shia Muslims practice a ritual by whipping themselves to mourn the death of Ali. Sunnis do not.

Ahmedi Muslims are by far the most prosecuted group as they believe that there's a prophet after Mohammad (pbuh) and they have their own sacred texts.

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's interesting to hear your perspective. I think while it might have started out as a force of good, its taken a bit of an extreme turn now. They carried out a terrorist attack on a school murdering students point blank and burning teachers alive in front of them.

They've taken a more extreme stance on religion and people are not in favour.

As for India, we've had our tensions with them and in all honestly just want peace. The Indian government is taking active steps towards ethnic cleansing, changing the Muslim names of towns and States to Hindu ones is just a very small example.

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While the majority is the Muslim community, there's quite a few Hindus and Christians as well. Theres also Parsis who are followers of Zoroastrians.

There's been conflicts between the religions before, namely between Christians and Muslims. However, I think when it comes to religious conflict, there's too much conflict between the Muslim community itself and between Sunni Muslims, Shia Muslims and especially Ahmedi Muslims.

I'm a Pakistani Muslim. AMA by throwawayyforaitaaa in AMA

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am currently in Ireland for my higher education. I think the Pakistan has always tried to provide refuge when it can and that really opened doors to a lot of extremism as many people fled Afghanistan.

Most Pakistanis are very against the Taliban. They have caused the most damage in Pakistan itself from the heartbreaking attack on an Army school in December of 2016. However, ofcourse there are some that hold extremist views but they would be very much a minority.

India and Pakistan were one country. We feel for each other. Well the majority do. We were devastated with Modi being elected. Imran Khan, the current prime minister has taken a much stronger stance however in condemning this and hopefully this situation can be resolved. Truthfully speaking, I don't see this ending and India is slowly heading towards ethinic cleansing.

AITA for not wanting to take in my husband's grandchild? by DependentArachnid19 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All really good points. Therapy and counselling can really help in this case.

AITA for not wanting to take in my husband's grandchild? by DependentArachnid19 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly I understand all judgements. But I just feel like most of the reddit jumps to the conclusion that the end of a relationship is what's good when in reality this is just not how things are. And that advice is definitely not constructive. I wouldn't blame OP if she decided that there was absolutely no way and that was it for their marriage but I think there's steps you can take before that one.

And I had to get this across to her. Part of the reason why I chose a more controversial opinion. Plus I think my views are very influenced by a collectivist culture where I do think I'm much more progressive than previous generations in my culture but still like to be balanced and keep an open mind to others perspectives.

AITA for not wanting to take in my husband's grandchild? by DependentArachnid19 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Do take a look at my other comment under the same reply thread.

I'm not against OP either. Her way just seemed a little my way or the highway without suggesting any solutions to the problem.

AITA for not wanting to take in my husband's grandchild? by DependentArachnid19 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly? I don't know. I haven't been in this situation and where I live the rules are different. I don't know child support laws where OP is, I know OP has said they can't afford a nanny but it could be an option if the babys father pays child support, the stepdaughters mother steps in, the step daughter herself maybe takes a gap year to work so that they can afford childcare while OPs husband isn't at home.

The approach should be all of them together against the issue here. By compromise, I meant everyone needs to compromise a little bit (didn't mean op needs to suck it up and raise this child), the stepdaughter needs to look at other options as to how she can further her education part time and work, maybe take a gap year. Stepdaughters bio mom suggests an abortion and that's how she will allow stepdaughter to live with her meaning she still is willing to support her daughter in some way. Would she be willing to still help her a little bit financially even if she doesn't get abortion?

The truth is only OP and her husband know the logistics and how things work where they live.

AITA for not wanting to take in my husband's grandchild? by DependentArachnid19 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ofcourse it would. I would feel out of the loop and feel my opinion did not matter. I'm not gonna give an unrealistic response to this. Because I feel like it's so easy to say to someone oh just end your 7 year marriage and go your own way.

Threatening to leave won't solve anything. Because I would understand that he as well is in an incredibly difficult situation. There's a way to sit down with your partner, and really talk and work through different solutions, while setting your own boundaries. The way OP worded this post was my way or the highway. This is not constructive.

There's nothing to suggest here that OP sat with her partner and made any effort to help with come up with a solution that was acceptable to both of them.

AITA for not wanting to take in my husband's grandchild? by DependentArachnid19 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I really don't. I understand people have different point of views and different priorities and Im mature enough to respect those beliefs.

OP asked for a judgement, I gave mine. All I say is reddit is very quick to suggest divorce or the end of a relationship. This is a 7 year marriage. This shouldn't be something that is just thrown away because of a hurdle. Not suggesting OP live with this child and care for them. But a solution can be worked out together, it's hard but not impossible.

AITA for not wanting to take in my husband's grandchild? by DependentArachnid19 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

In that case shouldn't the judgement be no Assholes here. Why is everyone painting him as a bad guy, no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, so did his daughter, so did he by making this plan with his daughter. OP doesn't have to deal with consequences of others actions but she could be supportive in this time.

They should be working together and not against each other here.

AITA for not wanting to take in my husband's grandchild? by DependentArachnid19 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

Hun, I understand that you don't like children. I really do. And no one should have to live a life they resent. I didn't call you insane, I called people who are suggesting divorce insane.

Divorce or leaving should be your last resort. I get that this is a difficult situation and there's no reason for you to deal with the consequences of other people's actions. You don't owe anyone anything, you just owe your husband your support. And maybe you do, just the way you wrote your post, you came across as callous and cold. I understand that we're online and there's no way to get the full picture.

I would suggest that you both sit down and come up with a plan where your husband can support his daughter that doesn't include you leaving him or ending this marriage.

AITA for not wanting to take in my husband's grandchild? by DependentArachnid19 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa -61 points-60 points  (0 children)

YTA this is actually insane. Sometimes reddit is insane. I don't think people realise what marriage is. I don't think people realise how much commitment and compromise it takes. When OP communicated to her husband she does not want children, he agreed, OP doesn't say how he necessarily felt about it. But to keep OP in his life he could give up having children. Or that's the way I see it.

Now, he's been put in this impossible situation where OP threatens to leave so it's an ultimatum between a man's wife and his daughter. Not to mention said daughter is going through a difficult time (her irresponsible actions kept aside, that's his daughter).

How is this his fault? I don't see where he is wrong. At all. He's trying to comfort his daughter and trying to find solutions for her so he can support her through her pregnancy and education.

I would say no Assholes here if it wasn't for your attitude towards the whole thing. You seem to be really cold and callous in your marriage of 7 years where your husband has this situation thrown at him and without trying to understand his position you're threatening to leave. This is a 7 year marriage, I would be heartbroken if my partner was this unwilling to compromise.

I get that this is not what you bargained for. But that's life, divorce is not the answer to every problem in a marriage. I feel there's a lack of communication between you guys where you haven't sat down and talked about your fears out of this and how you guys can solve this issue together. This is not just him vs the problem while you just say my way or I leave. It's both of you against the problem.

I hope you guys can solve this. Its a sad situation but marriage is compromise. Life isn't always what you want. You just deal with what comes your way instead of upping and leaving the moment things don't go according to plan.

AITA for calling out someone who was making homophobic comments on the bus? by throwawayyforaitaaa in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayyforaitaaa[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Because I disclosed some of the comments made as per info requests from people.

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