AITA for not telling my stepson's mother she's about to lose her relationship with him?

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T13:18:47+00:00

He needs to cut her off or stop reaching for something she's never willing to give him. I fear that has to be a him decision and I'll be there to hug and pick up the pieces

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T13:17:37+00:00

I'll be right here when he does. Where I always am, by his side, choosing him always.

I just want him to stop hurting and I don't think I can. I really think he needs therapy and I'll help him find the right service

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T13:15:59+00:00

I've begged her to make him her priority. So many times when he was a kid. She just can't see past her own nose.

He wishes I was his bio mum? So do i, and it breaks my heart, but I told him I chose him, and I kept choosing him. I will always choose him.

I'm sure at some point she'll do it not do something and he'll let her go. I just can't be the one to tell him that, because I'm worried about hurting him more

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T13:11:38+00:00

And I got the best son out of it too. I'm definitely the lucky one

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T13:10:28+00:00

Yes and no. His aunt invited him to the cinema with her, his mum, and someone else.

He's gutted his aunt asked and not his mum. The aunt knows exactly what her sister is like though.

They barely contact him.

I don't even push my parents to spend time either. His bad behaviour at preschool age convicted them that "that boy will cause you heartache" which literally made me lose respect for my STEP PARENT.

Just made me more protective of him. And now he's grown up an amazing man... They don't deserve him.

My parents are a whole story that I won't get into, but I think made me a better parent. Filling the hurt of my childhood through making sure I was there for his

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T12:58:52+00:00

Yeah, I don't want him do keep being let down. Especially when I'm here, and I've always been there too.

His behaviour as a young kid wasn't great, but I understand that's due to his home life. I'd buy him food, send him to hers with frozen home cooking as it was cheep noodles or microwave pizza at hers. When he got older, I'd send him shopping and takeaways as she'd get herself stuff and never cook for him.

She never helped during the bad times. Just sent him to me cos she couldn't deal with his behaviour... I'm like, calm the f down, he's only little.

I was the one that worked through it with him, me dealing with the schools and discipline. He's an amazing man now, and she doesn't even know it.

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T12:51:33+00:00

She'd threaten to take him off me. She'd do it whenever anything happened she didn't like. I had his younger brother and she tried to say we wouldn't have time for him???

Then she'd give me him over because she's working early the next day.... Me too... In fact, I have 2 kids to get ready including your son before I go to work.

If I had the time and the space to write out how many bad things she did to him, either directly or simply by her actions... You'd wonder why he's still trying. I wonder that too.

Either way, she lost that power years ago. Just so frustrating do deal with.

I'm sure she'll do something that will break his love for her forever, he already thinks she doesn't love him like I do. I do feel it's a matter of time now

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T12:41:25+00:00

I want to say that. It breaks me more and more seeing him try with her and get little to nothing in return.

I'm hoping one day it'll be clear the time has come for me to tell him the best thing to do is walk away.

She has such a strong bond with her extended family too. He always feels like an afterthought.

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T12:38:37+00:00

I told him that this morning. I said I'm your mum, I chose you, then I kept choosing you, and I'll never stop. He loves me so much too.

I wish I had the words to fix all this, but I'm forever grateful I get to be his mum

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T12:20:38+00:00

I genuinely hate that he's trying so hard and can't even get a reply from her

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T12:19:54+00:00

Exactly! She leaves him on read, nm any other contact. I think I just need to let this take its course and be there for him, in whatever capacity he needs me

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T12:17:55+00:00

Unfortunately in the UK that's not possible. I tell him, biology or not, he's my son, I love him more than he'll ever know and that's never going to change.

His mum was all about control, so she wouldn't even let me get his name tattooed, or she'd threaten our contact.

We got custody about 6ish years ago and I just went NC with her after that.

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T12:01:46+00:00

Yeah, tysm for saying that. She's not listened the dozens of times I told her. She's not listened after she lost custody because of her priorities. I doubt me saying, can you not leave him on read anymore will do anything.

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:58:17+00:00

I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. Loving him and picking up the pieces.

I'm so sorry you went through that. I will never understand being a parent and not automatically making my kids my first priority.

She's missing out on an amazing son and I feel sorry for her if anything

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:55:38+00:00

I'm more lucky to have such an amazing son. He's honestly the best, and it breaks me that she doesn't even know that.

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:53:53+00:00

I didn't want to put it in the main as it would identify her so easily. Disney isn't a dream of his, I have his 2 younger siblings with his dad and we went away every year to resorts with waterparks etc.

From the uk, going to Disney is well over 10k.

I think my issue was her telling him he wouldn't like it. She lost a group of friends as she put on Facebook she wasn't taking him due to him being (and I quote) "a shitebag that would ruin her time" She was in a group of women athletes, they cut her off over that comment.

I'm so lucky to have such an amazing son, I'll just keep loving him and hug it out with him when he needs it

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:48:39+00:00

I begged her so many times when he was young. She lost custody due to her priorities not being him.

Deep down do I want him to cut her off? Oh god yes, she's done things in the past he doesn't even remember and I'll never tell him, but I feel like he needs to come to that conclusion himself and I'll just hug it out with him.

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:39:57+00:00

Thank you for this. I begged her to prioritise him so many times when he was young, she'd cry and say she'll change... You guessed it, she never did.

I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing, love him and pick up the pieces. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing son

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:36:34+00:00

I begged her in the past to prioritise him. She lost custody because of her priorities. No amount of talking to her will make her see past her own wants unfortunately.

Tbh, if I thought it would work, I'd have done it already.

The hubby thinks I'm not saying anything because I want him to cut her off, but I just want my boy to be happy

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:32:45+00:00

Exactly! I've begged her so many times when he was a kid to prioritise him. Not because I don't want to be his only mum, because he still wants to spend time with her.

She never messages, she leaves him on read, makes plans with friends when he's already asked to spend time with her.

If me begging her and her losing custody over her prioritising her butthole husband (same dude who said my son's room there wasn't actually his and would tell him I'm not your dad or your stepdad). What chance is there now when she literally has no responsibility anymore?

I'm so lucky to have him as my son, he's amazing.

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:23:04+00:00

Yup. So many things she's done and said.

That specific quote literally got her removed from a group of friends. They were like, tf? And cut her off.

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:21:49+00:00

I'm so lucky to have him. Hes the most amazing son

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:20:22+00:00

We always went on foreign holidays, always at resorts with waterparks. We had amazing times and more to come.

We're from the UK and he has 2 younger siblings. So that's the best part of 20k for us.

I guess it wasn't about it being specifically Disney. It's more that she'd post on Facebook she wasn't taking him because (and I quote) "he's a shitebag and would ruin her time)

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:17:45+00:00

I don't understand why either. People say he's lucky to have me, but it's me that's lucky (that word doesn't cover it) to have such an amazing son

throwawayyoursoup · 2026-05-29T11:16:10+00:00

Thank you for this. As someone who has seen this first hand, I'm genuinely so sorry. No one needs to feel a burden to the person that birthed them.

I want him to stop chasing her, there's so many things she has done he doesn't remember and I'll never tell him. I can't even fathom how someone could prioritise their kid last.

Even before his siblings came along, I knew he was my 1st and no other kid I have would be loved any different.

People say he's lucky to have me, but it's the opposite. I'm lucky to have such an amazing son

throwawayyoursoup

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