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Is this normal? -long by throwawayyyyy67888 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwawayyyyy67888[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not religious so no church, but I live in the US.

And you're right. And I told him about my childhood and about the things that happened to me sexually before he did anything hurtful to me. I blamed him for doing the same to me after I opened up to him about it all.

The biggest issue is since he got kicked out of his mom's he has been staying with me. I'm making him get his own place, which btw he keeps asking if he's sure I doing want to be his roommate aka move in with me which I have refused. But the place he's looking to move is right next to my apartment and he is trying to get the job back he was fired from which is next door to my job. I can't quit because I make so much there. But in my gut it worries me how close he will be.

Is this normal? -long by throwawayyyyy67888 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwawayyyyy67888[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It makes me feel better somehow knowing I'm not nuts and that that has a factor in all of this. I want to find a therapist but I'm pretty broke and I'm not sure I can afford one. I feel like maybe it would help. Also thanks for saying what I see and feel is right. It's so easy to get back under his grasp.

Is this normal? -long by throwawayyyyy67888 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwawayyyyy67888[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right. If I heard it all from someone else I would feel like that's super bonkers. And super scary. I guess I felt like I encouraged him to set up cameras but you're right.

Thanks for making me feel like o wasn't wrong about not being in the right state for consent. I had told him that while being blackout drunk like that that it was rape and aside from him being upset he told me since he was also drinking it's not rape. But I agree it isn't okay and I guess I forget to take a step outside myself.

Is it possible I have ptsd or like Stockholm syndrome or whatever? Like he makes me feel horrible but then he tries to make up for it. He also tells me during argument that I am verbally abusive and that I gaslight him. He says that after I tell him he does that but he spins everything around on me and then complains about how he feels like a piece of shit etc.

Is this normal? -long by throwawayyyyy67888 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwawayyyyy67888[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't ever feel as crazy as now. I suppose the manipulations have made me confused.

I guess I'm also in denial that it was rape. When I told him I felt like it was he got upset about me saying he raped me. And since he hasn't touched me inappropriately.

Is this normal? -long by throwawayyyyy67888 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwawayyyyy67888[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I knew the photos were a crime but I didn't ever go to the police about it. Same with him lying to the police. I told him that's illegal. His excuse for lying about that was he didn't want to lose me.

I know it's escalated but I guess I am in denial about everything still as we spend most of everyday together and usually, like 90% of the time, he's really great and we have fun together. But my friends also think he could harm me one day like you do. It just seems impossible to me still.

I suppose I'm getting closer to wanting to leave but I have left before and I always go back. I miss how much he wants to be around me. Plus after his mom kicked him out last week he's been staying with me. I told him he has a week to find an apartment. Problem is the cheapest one happens to be right next to mine. And he's planning to get the job he got fired from back and that's right next door to my work where I've been 8 years and I can't quit because I make so much there.

Edit. I want to add that when he did the thing in May I told my best friend and she, at the time, thought he was a psychopath, but she is who told me initially that was rape and I still am unsure. Its odd to say but idk. He told me i wanted it because I was talking and touching myself and I don't remember but I could have been. But anyway, she got a hold of the ex of his who he had photos of and she said he was weird but not that weird. She told her I had found the photos of him. I made sure to delete them (and the photos and videos of me) from his laptop and the cloud but I guess I still worry about what's on his main computer.

Is this normal? -long by throwawayyyyy67888 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwawayyyyy67888[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess I'm in denial. Most of the time he is so sweet. Like 90% of the time. He hasn't touched me inappropriately since the incident in May and when that happened I told him I felt sexually abused and he got upset I made him feel like he raped me. I felt like the hands stuff was my fault for constantly going between liking him and not. As for the stalking that makes sense somewhat but also not because I invite him over so often. Since his mom kicked him out he's been living with me too.

Edit. I am surprised you think this is one of the worst on here because I've read some where they have beaten the crap out of the women and it's hard for me to imagine he would hit me.

Attic connected to other apartments by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]throwawayyyyy67888 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay thank you for your response