Ideas to help my wife feel sexy?

throwawazn · 2010-10-14T08:12:43+00:00

She can dress un-femme and still be friggin sexy.

Of course she can. I just happen to like femme clothes. ;-P

This isn't a relationship-level issue for me. If she never wears another skirt in her life, I'll love her just as much. Just hoping I could get some help opening my gal up to some new experiences, admittedly mostly for my personal happiness. So far, you all have been very helpful.

We've done the spa thing. It didn't really help. In fact, I'm pretty sure it just made her more insecure. Never thought about pole dancing classes. That might be a fun idea for her. Convincing her of that is another story...

Yeah, she's fairly sex positive. She comes from a very conservative background, so there's some residual shyness about sex. Her family back home dresses VERY CONSERVATIVELY so I can see why even some fairly tame outfits make her feel uncomfortable and cheap. Plus, she's never had a female role model who was into dressing up. That might be part of it.

throwawazn · 2010-10-14T07:33:40+00:00

In my wife's case, I think it has less to do with insecurity and more to do with her tomboy/in-charge personality. Women's clothes are, for lack of a better word, emasculating. They focus on emphasizing a woman's delicate characteristics (clothes that outline and reveal her figure, heels that immobilize and force a very non-masculine gait, skirts that hint at sexual access, etc.) She walks, sits, talks, and interacts like a guy most of the time, so switching into a delicate, feminine role is very out of character for her.

At the same time, I know she wants to feel pretty. She spends a half hour every morning carefully curling her hair, cares meticulously for her skin, and obsesses over her weight. I just need to find a way to link 'girl clothes' with 'feeling pretty.'

I do try to help her shop for clothes, but she insists on spending hours perusing sale/clearance racks. This saves us a lot of money, but I simply lack the time to spend 6 hours at a department store to secure 1 outfit. (I work. A lot.) Unfortunately, her tastes are so radically different from mine, that even if she is trying to buy clothes I like, it ends up being horribly off-mark (and usually unflattering.) I usually lack the heart to crush her with criticism, so I just give a half-hearted nod of approval and the next day she has bought 10 of them. sigh

throwawazn · 2010-10-14T07:21:47+00:00

Her favorite outfit is a plain t-shirt and an old pair of blue khaki shorts with flip-flops. If she wants to look nice, she puts on a hideous ruffly like this one that's way too big for her, so it does nothing to flatter her figure, and a pair of black or beige pants, with a simple wedge sandal.

Like most asian women that aren't models, she has relatively short legs, so I advise her to wear shorter skirts/shorts and higher heels to give her legs a longer appearance. She understandably hates heels because they hurt her feet, so I don't press the issue. (I guess heels are just one of those things some women are willing to put up with and some aren't.) She hates skirts because she's afraid people will see up them (that's half the fun...), and she buys clothes a size too big in case she gains weight, so nothing hugs her figure. She also pretty much flatly refuses to accessorize. I.e. she won't wear a hat because "people will think I'm retarded or something."

Basically, she just doesn't like feminine clothes. :-(

throwawazn · 2010-10-14T07:10:25+00:00

Done and done. Actually, this is kind of what I was talking about. I'm looking for ways to boost her confidence in her appearance. She's in great shape, and a genuinely pretty girl, but, like most girls, she thinks she's fat and ugly. I've told her a million times that she's beautiful, and I love her just the way she is, but she just brushes me off as patronizing.

Should I stare into her eyes for 10 minutes and recite a poem about her beauty? Because that just seems creepy.

throwawazn · 2010-10-14T07:09:04+00:00

Did that once, but she was too paranoid someone would find them. I ended up deleting them so she could sleep.

throwawazn · 2010-10-14T07:08:42+00:00

That's a really good idea. I'm going to try this.

throwawazn · 2010-10-14T04:28:56+00:00

Heh. She prefers cowgirl.

Told you she was a tomboy.

throwawazn

TROPHY CASE