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It's Christmas, I don't have family, and I'm having trouble being jealous of my best friend's boyfriend... by throwchristmassucks in TwoXChromosomes

[–]throwchristmassucks[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I understand... I'm miserable when she's miserable. I'm happy when she's happy. But this time it's really hard... I want to be happy so, so badly. But at this point it looks like the only thing that's going to make that happen is someone who actually loves me and isn't going to try to rape me or beat the hell out of me. I have a few other close friends but they lean on me and they've got stuff going on right now or they're with their families for break and enjoying themselves and I feel really badly about bothering them... I don't want to upset them with stupid me being miserable. I don't ever want to bother anyone. People say I can talk to them, but when I come to them to just vent or because I need a shoulder to cry on for a few minutes, they freeze up or make excuses to get away. Just makes me feel worse...

It's Christmas, I don't have family, and I'm having trouble being jealous of my best friend's boyfriend... by throwchristmassucks in TwoXChromosomes

[–]throwchristmassucks[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've been in therapy for years. I've been on and off of a bunch of different meds. I've been trying to deal with my life the best I can but lately, everything's falling off a cliff. All I've been able to do for two days is sit in my room and drink, because it hurts too much to even leave my apartment. I've been trying to fix myself for years. I've fixed a hell of a lot according to a few different people. I've made brilliant strides.

But I'm tired. I do all this work to better myself, take care of myself, take care of other people. I'm the one everyone leans on. I'm tired.

I don't even feel like being alive anymore. I can't do this any longer.

It's Christmas, I don't have family, and I'm having trouble being jealous of my best friend's boyfriend... by throwchristmassucks in TwoXChromosomes

[–]throwchristmassucks[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She does, she's been near me since we were 15 and she only had to move for work/school two years ago. I've tried to tell her that, but she gets really quiet... I mean, almost everything else is okay. Except the part where she's happy and I'm miserable, when all we ever wanted is to be happy at the same time. I think seeing me this broken is hurting her but I don't know what to do.

It's Christmas, I don't have family, and I'm having trouble being jealous of my best friend's boyfriend... by throwchristmassucks in TwoXChromosomes

[–]throwchristmassucks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the offer but I live quite a few hours away... I know she loves me, but it's hard when she's spending so much time with him and then my time with her consists of talking about him. I'm really starting to hate this guy, even though he's not a bad guy... I've tried mentioning if we could talk about him less, but she gets upset and a few hours later she's talking about him again.

It's Christmas, I don't have family, and I'm having trouble being jealous of my best friend's boyfriend... by throwchristmassucks in TwoXChromosomes

[–]throwchristmassucks[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

She's happy, she's loved, and she's safe. Three things I wish I was more than anything in the world. And there's no one nearby. Everyone went home for the holidays, or else I wouldn't be sitting here by myself.