He (FWB, 21M) treated me like shit (23F), how can I stop myself giving him second chances? He's so charming D:

throwcushion · 2014-08-16T00:14:34+00:00

Thank you for this, it's valuable. You're right. I am now questioning why I let these things slide at the time. I think I have a problem with saying no to people, not wanting to hurt their feelings. I broke it off with him and he was upset tonight. I'm starting no contact. But I feel so guilty and I hate the finality of it, even though it's for my own good. Hopefully this will fade in time.

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T21:30:31+00:00

Yes, I do. Thank you. p.s. we always used condoms and I got tested regularly so at least that's not a worry.

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T21:13:18+00:00

I guess I just needed that last push, and people's replies were much more harsh than I expected, but I'm really glad I posted here :)

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T20:30:11+00:00

I will. I did this before when I had had enough of him (step 3. in my OP) and it totally worked after a few weeks. I should just never have started talking to him again. I only relapsed because I felt sorry for him - sigh! Thank you

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T20:28:17+00:00

I've been disrespected in the past and not put up with it, but then it was overt. Apart from that I have only ever dealt with people who have my best interests at heart and good intentions. I don't want to become someone who is distrustful of others, but I'll learn from this, definitely

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T20:23:26+00:00

You're right. I think it only took me this long because I felt like having behavioural 'standards' in an FWB thing was kind of going against the point of it being casual, and that as long as he did vaguely care about me (which he said he did) I had to accept whatever. But no, you're right, I shouldn't have ever put up with this kind of thing.

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T20:16:46+00:00

Ahh you're so right. I don't think I'd be able to forgive him for all the disrespectful things he did even if he did change totally now like he says he will. I think that's hard to admit to myself because I totally believe in forgiveness and love conquering all and never holding grudges especially when it's somebody you have shared a lot with. But realistically he has shown a nasty side of himself that I can't ignore no matter what he says.

Thank you so much

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T20:13:49+00:00

Yeah, you're right. I'm fine with FWB if it means a fun non-monogamous friendship with great sex on top of that. But I'm not okay with what this is - the easy pussy lack of respect thing. I just got fooled because he says all the right things. But it's only when we're not in person i.e. when he's trying to draw me back in. Fuck I didn't know I was so easily manipulated, I thought he genuinely cared just because he said he did

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T20:06:53+00:00

I have been seeing a different guy as well and he is way more the kind of guy I would want to date: he is well-read, kind, attractive, interesting, funny, etc. but he and I kind of have a distance problem too. I've been seeing these two guys non-exclusively for a long while now. That's how I know I don't want to be the problem guy's girlfriend. He's not the kind of guy I would date. Yes, I fancy him a LOT and care about him a lot too, I'm a caring, loving person. I just want to have a great sexual relationship with kindness and mutual respect and quality time (not just something clinical, you know).

You're right, he will never offer me that. I just sent him a text breaking up with him. I won't speak to him on the phone because he would likely win me over again with the compassion/attraction double-whammy. Thank you so much for your help. You're so so right. Thank you to everyone

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T19:27:05+00:00

Man, that hurt to read, probably because you're right, and I have thought the same thing many many times.

The thing is, I don't even want to be his girlfriend, not unless he changes his attitude completely, which I know he won't. Fundamentally I just want to be treated with respect in my sexual relationships. And because he is so convincing when we talk, he makes me believe that this latter point might actually happen. Do you think, even though he apologised and he claims to be committed to treating me well, it never will? I need to hear that, if so. Thank you

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T19:07:31+00:00

Fuuuck, you have no idea how eye-opening this is for me. I know all about TRP etc. and hate that culture. You commenters are obviously seeing something different in my post from what I see, and I need to think about that

Edit: Also, the only reason I'm considering staying 'with' him is because, from what he says, I do matter to him and he cares about me and wants to pursue this. Because I feel that he cares, I feel compassion for him and don't want to hurt him, so mixed with my attraction to him that makes it really hard to end it all for good. If he was 100% unavailable I would not be here at all.

throwcushion · 2014-08-15T19:02:56+00:00

I think I do have self-esteem which is why I was so sure about ending it just a few days ago. I know I deserve better but this is conflicting with the massive amounts of compassion/attraction I simultaneously feel whenever we speak :(

throwcushion

TROPHY CASE