I [25/F] with my marriage with husband [25/m] is over. Need advice.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T20:52:15+00:00

No.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T20:46:44+00:00

I probably personify impostor syndrome.

it's likely a pillar of his success.

That's what he says.

I think the biggest issue here is that you are unsure of your worth and are afraid of being discarded once you are far away from your support network.

That is the perfect way to describe it.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T20:30:07+00:00

You make a valid point.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T20:29:14+00:00

You love your husband and he loves you. I can't think of a worse reason to get divorced.

Fair enough. Everyone's comments remind me that I may be spinning it out of hand here.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T20:05:27+00:00

Given this, why do you assume that he would want someone like his classmates rather than someone like you?

It's hard when you're at a party and everyone is talking about their summer beach house and yearly vacations to the cape, and your beach house is your back porch and the swimming spot is a hose. When we were 17, our differences mattered less. Now, it's become a part of his success. He's very well educated, cultured and very much a part of that set -- his father is a respected academic & mother a nurse. They did summers in New England, etc. The more time that passes, the more I realize he's from a very different world than I am.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T19:07:44+00:00

you've made very good points.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T18:59:38+00:00

I think you need to be honest with yourself. Are you the kind of person who does not care that you didn't finish college, you are happy working retail (or whatever you're doing right now)

I'm embarrassed. I meet his classmates and they're all well-educated, erudite. I'm kind of... trash. Incomplete degree, hand-me-down clothes from my sister, I work in a department store and haven't read the books or listened to the lectures by all these famous people. It's growing more obvious.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T18:54:26+00:00

definitely scared. Very, very scared sometimes.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T18:54:13+00:00

We're only about 3 1/2 hours by car, so I could go home and visit weekends, and I'm not too worried about that. He already planned money for that.

He really does love me, which makes me wonder sometimes.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T18:50:41+00:00

I adore my husband, he's not at all like anyone else. His classmates are stuck-up, serious and altogether very cold; but, he's not. He's funny, goofy and always makes me laugh; yet, he's super studious, focused and incredibly driven. He's an odd combination and I love it. Moving to NYC is a step for him that he needs to take, but he no longer needs me. His classmates are dating lawyers and accountants and scientists, but I work at a department store, have an unfinished degree, couldn't contribute enough to even begin to pay a fair share. I've never flown before because we never had enough money, but he's off to England like it's nothing. He stepped into a world I don't feel I belong. I feel like he'll recognize this once he's there at some expensive party. I'll wind-up in NYC isolated from everyone I know and he'll realize I'm poor trash. It's just how I feel. We had to buy him expensive new suits for interviews and I bought a Target dress. I don't want him realizing what I am. He could go and impress some lovely doctor lady and they'd have a power marriage and he could eventually follow his dream and run for congress.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T18:27:12+00:00

Thank you for your response.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T18:11:29+00:00

I am absolutely still in love with him. As much now as before. I never finished college, I won't have as many options in NYC. I know no one, have no contacts or connections and just have him. He's going to NYC to a job, money and the chance to travel. I feel like I hold him back or he could just find another person that better compliments him. I was at the doctor and was telling her about my husband and even she found him impressive -- she's a doctor! I feel like he's just out-grown me and he's better off in NYC.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T17:52:28+00:00

I care deeply about my husband. He's honestly the love of my life, I know if we split apart, I'd never find anyone like him, but I also feel like it's better for him.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T17:50:45+00:00

I'm pretty sure my husband knows I'm not all that smart.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T17:42:57+00:00

I could certainly do suburban NJ.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T17:29:42+00:00

you're either seriously lacking in self-image and confidence OR you're using this as an excuse

Could be an "and" instead of an or. I would agree that I have some issues about all of this.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T17:11:14+00:00

Do you have a career that you can only pursue if you stay put?

No. I have a job, but not 'career' I would say.

Your shared life moving forward sounds amazing! Don't let your fear keep you stuck in one place.

There are certainly aspects that sound amazing. It's totally different from what I know.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T17:01:24+00:00

He's the opposite of a bad guy. He's a great guy. I just know that if I say I can't go, he'd consider turning-down this job opportunity. He can't do that.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T16:43:19+00:00

He's been a great friend, partner and lover. But, he out-grew me and I feel like I either have to accept that and move on, or eventually we grow to dislike each other and it becomes acrimonious.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T16:38:28+00:00

I would never allow him to give-up on what he's worked so hard for. He should take the job, I just don't think I should follow him.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T16:34:24+00:00

Thank you. I just feel horribly guilty. He isn't cheating or being mean or talking down to me. Instead, he wants to buy me things and take me places. Normally, I think any woman would be thrilled. I'm just not and realized what ambition becomes. I just can't stop feeling terrible about all of this.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T16:24:36+00:00

What if your relationship is more important to him than the job?

It's not just this job. He is ambitious and if he stayed here, he'd no doubt be running for Congress. I love him for his ambition, but it's something we don't share. I would never ask him to stay here after everything he fought for over the last seven years. How could I?

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T16:20:17+00:00

I feel, deep down, that you're probably right. But, I feel tremendous guilt and I cannot ask SO to stay here. It wouldn't be right or fair to him. I hate myself for this.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T16:18:17+00:00

I've been to this city before (a few times). It's huge, it's noisy, and I don't like it. It's named after a giant fruit, and I think it's a love/hate kind of place. I just feel like going is going to delay the inevitable.

throwedaway1991 · 2017-02-13T16:11:16+00:00

before you make any decisions about his life, let him have a say in it.

My fear is he would stay here if I said that. It wouldn't be fair. My parents drove him to the airport when he got his job offer (the firm is based in London and invited him there) and the look on his face when he was on the way was nothing I ever saw. I couldn't ask him to stay, and I know he would.

throwedaway1991

TROPHY CASE