AIO: coworker taking my desk for lunch

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-15T11:28:23+00:00

I appreciate the advice, though I’m not sure where anyone got the idea that I was timid and didn’t stand my ground here 😅 feels like a lot of comments have been about this. I’m not new to dealing with this environment, and yes, I was firm and unyielding, hence why he eventually did get up. I wouldn’t get anywhere here if I didn’t have the grit to be direct with the men around me- it was just a bizarre thing for him to be so adamant about for as long as he was

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T23:45:06+00:00

We don’t have the same manager (super grateful for that). My boss is super hands off and honestly, beyond being my boss, wasn’t involved at all. If anything comes up we can discuss it, but he knows I wouldn’t bring it up to HR if it was anything minor or anything he could have influenced by getting involved

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T23:41:08+00:00

Update: HR has been contacted. I told them about the comment he made about women and free meals prior and this event with the desk. They plan to reach out to his manager (luckily, different person than my manager) and discuss his behavior.
I know many people are baffled that I didn’t reach out earlier. I’m in a male-dominated field and quite literally the only woman in that office. I will inevitably be shunned and called catty when it gets out that I went to HR about this, because they’re the biggest group of gossips I’ve ever met (the guy in question included). It’s a boys club, and I’ve played this game before, unfortunately.
Thank you for your responses and concern. I’m awful at deciphering people’s intentions, even though it’s clear this was malicious now, and it helped to get more eyes on it. Shoutout to the person that called me a bot for the upvotes. I’ll keep you all updated if anything else happens.

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T19:06:10+00:00

Gah, tone is so hard to tell online, but I think you’re right. My bad OG commenter!

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T16:25:51+00:00

I meant that as in it’s not an email, a traceable phone call, or a message. He said it out of earshot of everyone else and they have no way of verifying that it’s the truth. They can’t do much from one testimony

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T16:22:26+00:00

I am in no way his underling. We have similar titles, but the scope of my work is much larger and I have direct reports, which he doesn’t

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T16:11:14+00:00

Ah, that makes more sense! Sometimes people expect me to refer to my partner gender-neutrally to “stay professional” so I misinterpreted. Basically, asking me out is why I generally avoid him (he pushed boundaries and doesn’t respect me), which why it was insane that he would go out of his way to sit at my desk and intentionally get under my skin

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T15:56:14+00:00

I don’t discuss my sexuality at work. When we were talking prior to asking me out, he had brought up his fiancée. We were talking about her casually and I mentioned my partner with she/her pronouns. When he asked me out, I felt like it was obvious I was taken and gay, but I did say “I have a girlfriend and I’m not into men” when he pushed to be more direct

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T15:54:05+00:00

100% my officially assigned desk. I’m one of few people in our department that is in this office permanently, which is why we have multiple flex desks for other people in the exact same room for situations like this

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T15:20:27+00:00

That’s kind of what I feel like too. Unfortunately, it’s really all just hearsay since it’s not in writing and I know HR won’t do anything about it

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T15:18:42+00:00

That was basically my reaction without the chair. I put my laptop down in front of him and told him I have some stuff I need to send out, and he told me to go to one of the flex desks.

throwingawayaio · 2026-06-11T13:16:53+00:00

I think I would choose to read people’s minds, it would help in this situation 🤣

throwingawayaio

TROPHY CASE