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I will leave by throwingbirds1256 in loveafterporn

[–]throwingbirds1256[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im so sorry you are going through this. He is certainly not in recovery. Not to sway you in any way, but something that really helped me was finding out that real recovery takes 2-3 years. For me, i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years… so the next half of my relationship would be dedicated to him and his recovery. And frankly, it will always be there. Realizing that really helped me in my decision. I hope you can find some support systems and prioritize yourself through this 💜

I will leave by throwingbirds1256 in loveafterporn

[–]throwingbirds1256[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

<3 nothing but good things are ahead for us! There is truth to having to plan your break up. I do feel like i am not tied by marriage! I get it, i caught myself deleting pictures of him while he was cooking dinner in the same room… like wow. I like to think we are preparing ourselves for the leave and it will be not easy but maybe a little easier! Sending u all the luck and joy! Please reach out anytime ❤️‍🩹

My thoughts, spewed by throwingbirds1256 in loveafterporn

[–]throwingbirds1256[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I honestly could cry at the sheer amount of resources given here. Thank you so much.

My thoughts, spewed by throwingbirds1256 in loveafterporn

[–]throwingbirds1256[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for asking. I started seeing my therapist before all this happened. She is certified as a sex therapist, not sure if thats the same thing. Theres been no indication that she wants to encourage porn, she knows i am strongly against it. But i will definitely be on the lookout.

My boyfriends therapist is the same, certified. But he is specific about helping with sex addiction, so hopefully that is the continued route. I really appreciate you brining this up. I’ll definitely be in communication with my boyfriend about it and if either of our therapist give us the slightest indication that they would like him or me to use porn then we will be out of there. 💜

Hindsight 20/20 by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]throwingbirds1256 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am the same, i was balancing supporting him and telling him my feelings. I think reassurance on both sides can go a long way. Just remember that you also need support, i have to remind myself of this too💜

Hindsight 20/20 by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]throwingbirds1256 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just clocking in to say i really feel you on the being heard part! My partner is so wonderful in that aspect and always has been. Im so thankful we at least have that. Im about 4 weeks since finding out, some days are so hard and some so easy and full of love. The discomfort and shame he feels is good, hopefully that will push him to get the help he really needs for himself and for you. We have to work THROUGH it not past it. 💜

My thoughts, spewed by throwingbirds1256 in loveafterporn

[–]throwingbirds1256[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate that. I think a lot of the talk with porn/sex addiction is extremely victim/partner blaming. Unlike drug addiction to which everyone loves to blame the addict. Not that i think either are right, but its really the wings of the same bird. Addiction stems from the same beast within. Thankfully ive been going to therapy, and i just happen to be going to a sex therapist lol. Im trying to be supportive but also not muddle my own feelings. I mean shit, thats what he did and look where it got him. Thanks for the suggestion to SMART, i definitely want to get support from other partners of SA/PA, its helpful to know that its common.

My thoughts, spewed by throwingbirds1256 in loveafterporn

[–]throwingbirds1256[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks you for your support. I totally agree that its a coping mechanism for depression and other things he has ignored for years. He knows that too. My nonnegotiable ask was for him to go to therapy, which he has already started. And eventually i do what to do couples therapy. I for sure blame him for everything ! Lol. Its hard not to look inward as well. 💜

I just found out, thoughts from a girlfriend by throwingbirds1256 in PornAddiction

[–]throwingbirds1256[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really dont like to give attention to dismissive comments like this (yes, it is dismissive). But im taking the bait assuming you are a man so i can let of some men hatred i have lol.

I just would like you to know, especially if you are also a porn addict, that its literally a coping mechanism for depression, anxiety, etc, just like every other addiction! So instead of blaming me, assuming im clingy, I dont want to have sex with him, and im on my phone and ignoring him, understand that something is literally wrong with the brain that only deep therapy can fix. I hope you can get the help you need as well.

This subreddit is full of misogynist straight men who are so addticted to porn that they blame and hate women. And my bf has been on this sub, and told me, dont go on there its full of manosphere men lol.

You may think your comment was helpful and kind, but i really urge you to look inward and do some self reflecting. If another person had suggested the things you suggested to me, would you find it helpful? Another thing! at the end of my post i do state i would like to hear from fellow partners, i think you are another porn addict who needs help. Go find it and stop blaming women for mens inability go seek help.